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Hope That Doesn’t Lead to Disappointment

Back in May I wrote about the freeze that killed some of my plants and left me wondering about the viability of others. That blog post is below.

https://wordpress.com/post/ourfathersdaughters.com/5632

I love flowers and thanks to family, especially my father, and generous friends, we have a large variety of flowers that bloom in our yard year after year. Last year my various hydrangeas bloomed profusely.

  • purple (from Deanna) I gave away over 30 blooms and had vases full on our table for weeks
  • pink (rehabbed from “reduced for quick sale”) about 20 blooms
  • blue (from our daughter Salem’s first home in Virginia) too numerous to count.
  • white (here when we moved here – planted by Peggy Queen Mason) bloomed so abundantly I gave bunches away.

This year –

  • no purple
  • no pink
  • blue – just now blooming! 8 blossoms so far
  • white – lots like last year

Blue hydrangeas are my absolute favorite flower and they set their buds early in the spring. A late freeze is always a concern for these non-native perennials. A late freeze in April killed the buds on the blue, purple, and pink varieties. No blooms in late spring. Yet this year, because we have not had a freeze yet, those plants that didn’t bloom in May are blooming now. There are buds ALL over them, but most will not fully mature before a freeze sometime later this month. So, I am enjoying the few I have.

My family can attest to the disappointment I feel when my beloved hydrangeas freeze. Yet I also realize that compared to the deep sorrows many in our world are facing, frozen flowers are insignificant. All throughout our lives we will face disappointment – and worse – because we live in a broken, fallen world. Sorrow and loss are a part of living on this planet. The challenge comes then in the way I face disappointment and loss. Will I focus on the loss – what I don’t have? Will I enjoy what I do have? Will I view my adverse circumstances as barriers to following Jesus or opportunities for Jesus to meet me in the midst of my suffering? Paul wrote about this in Romans and Paul recently had experienced beatings and imprisonment!

Romans 5:4-6 NLT
4 And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. 5 And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.

6 When we were utterly helpless, Christ came at just the right time and died for us sinners.

No matter what circumstances we find ourselves in, our ultimate salvation is assured. Jesus died and rose again and broke the power of sin and death.

That hope and assurance will NEVER lead to disappointment.

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Watch for Snakes in the Garden

I was weeding at our daughter’s home in Maryland last week and something moved just where I had pulled up a bunch of weeds. I looked closer and it was a small snake – the one pictured above. It was only about 8 inches long but I soon realized it was a copperhead because of the pattern and the shape of the head. I am not generally afraid of snakes, yet when I recognized that it was a poisonous snake my first reaction was thankfulness that I had not grabbed it.

Look how camouflaged the snake is among the dead leaves! I weed a lot and I rarely stop to think about snakes in the grass or garden. I am always on high alert for poison ivy because I am highly allergic and dislike the rash and blisters that form. Snakes are a different story. They move, seeming to appear out of nowhere when we are unaware. A fellow teacher once stepped on a copperhead that had evidently been sunning itself on her doorstep. It bit her and she ended up in the hospital for two weeks. Poisonous snakes must be taken seriously.

Temptation to sin is like that in our lives. When we notice it – like poison ivy – we can avoid it. If we aren’t expecting it – like a snake in the garden – it can overwhelm us before we realize what has happened. I can be tempted to envy what someone has that I don’t have. Knowing this I need to avoid comparing my belongings to someone else’s. Instead of coveting their possessions, I must cultivate an attitude of gratitude for what I possess and rejoice that others are blessed. It is hard to envy someone and be thankful that God has blessed them at the same time.

I Corinthians 10:13 says –

No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

If I spend hours scrolling on Pinterest it will usually cause me to covet or envy. God has provided a way out – turn it off. Just as I avoid places where snakes like to slither, I must recognize and avoid places of temptation. A grateful, thankful heart is the best protection for envy and covetousness. I need to cultivate those qualities in my heart.

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Neglect

Fall is the time of the year when it becomes very apparent which parts of our yard I have neglected tending. I always post lovely pictures of the flowers and plants that grace our property and as I am writing this post I must ask myself – do I really want to show that ugly – but real – side of our yard?

The very issues that cause weeds to flourish in the garden are the same issues that cause me to neglect my spiritual life, my important relationships, my marriage. So, here they are:

  • time
  • responsibilities
  • tasks of every day living
  • desire, lack of motivation
  • distractions

Phil and I attended a Marriage Seminar this past weekend at the Inn of Last Resort in Franklin, North Carolina. We first attended this same seminar in 1977 when I was pregnant with our first child, Benjamin. There were different speakers, Jay and Sally Fesperman led that first Marriage and Parenting seminar. This is a link to what I wrote about that seminar in 2012. https://ourfathersdaughters.com/2012/09/17/open-honest-conflict/

This time, Larry and Susan Pons and Seth and Alicia Williams shared. We needed a “tune up” and I am thankful we attended. My main “take-away” this time was that I realized how easy it is to fall into DUTY the longer we are married and neglect INTIMACY which makes our marriages the way God intended them to be – TWO BECOME ONE. When Phil and I were first married it was a pleasure to fix a meal, set a lovely table with our new wedding gifts of Pfaltzgraff stoneware (still using them after 47 years) , placemats, matching napkins and pewter candlesticks. Truth be told, my table settings were MUCH more impressive than my first meals as a young wife. With friend’s guidance my cooking has improved over the years.

Now I only set a lovely table for family visits and dinners with friends. Phil and I often sit on the porch to eat, weather permitting, and serve ourselves from the stove and counter top. Fixing meals has become a duty for me instead of an expression of service and intimacy. Phil says he doesn’t mind and really could care less about how the table looks. Yet I know the lack of care that goes into meal preparation. He does care about how the food tastes!

I remember one of my parent’s friends saying that after 50 years of marriage all his wife “ever made now were reservations”. She had been an outstanding cook throughout their marriage. We all chuckled at his joke knowing how easy it is over time to slip into duty and lose the heartfelt intimacy of serving one another in love.

13 You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. 14 For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Galatians 5:13-14

Indulging the flesh can be as simple as playing a game on a device, mindlessly scrolling social media, switching on the TV just to fill time instead of being intentional and serving one another in love.

Just as fall becomes a season to tend the neglected parts of my yard, the Marriage Seminar has challenged me to recommit to intimacy in our marriage and not settle for duty.

Now where did I put those linen napkins……?