Waiting

image

“I don’t like to wait, Nana.”

My first thought was, “dear Daniel, you have a lot of waiting ahead of you in life.”

My next thought was “I don’t like to wait either!”

image

We were at the Cape Hatteras Lighthouse on the Outer Banks of North Carolina. The National Park Ranger had given us a time to ascend to the top, all 257 steps. They limit the number of people in the lighthouse at any given time so that everyone is safe, and to maximize each individual’s viewing opportunity. Our time slot was 30 minutes away.

I can understand Daniel’s impatience. The lighthouse was so beautiful, towering over us on a clear October day. We had just eaten our picnic lunch in the park and we had told the children that we would climb the lighthouse after we finished our lunch.

Now we had to wait.

Waiting is part of life.

Yet our culture is programmed for INSTANT response, isn’t it? Not only can we access information all the time most everywhere, we are constantly being enticed to acquire faster service with more data capacity. No wonder our children don’t like to wait!

How can we help our children and grandchildren (and ourselves for that matter) learn to wait with patience and grace?

  • be an example of waiting with patience ourselves

when we are placed in situations where we must wait, like traffic jams, long                     lines in the store, for food in restaurants, for a family member getting ready –                   we must show patience ourselves. Our irritation for waiting will send a strong                 message.

  • talk to our children about why we must wait

explain that many things in life require waiting, like a child being born, for                       instance, and we must wait for these occurrences patiently. Young children                       may not understand the concept of time, but they will understand our                                 example of irritation or patience.

  • create “waiting games” that help the child learn to use time in positive ways

 digital devices can be positive tools in our lives, but pressing a “game” in front of a child whenever the child must wait will create a new set of  problems.                        Look around you and name colors, count people, find objects that start with                     “b”. Use the time to plan a special dinner, a birthday party (that the child must                  WAIT for), have the child write out your shopping list, even if they can only                        write the first letter of a word

  • be prepared to wait

carry in your car, bag, large purse – some “waiting” items. Paper to write                              Grandma a letter (YES!), a coloring book and crayons or pencils, a small book                    to read, or ask the child to tell you the story using the illustrations. Use                                waiting time to count money and explain the various values of coins. (not as                      effective with plastic!)

Sometimes we must wait for YEARS before something happens that we hope and pray for. Yet God is faithful, especially as we wait.

Isaiah 40: 30-31 says this about waiting –

30  Even youths shall faint and be weary,
      and young men shall fall exhausted;
31   but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
      they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
      they shall run and not be weary;
      they shall walk and not faint.
What a wonderful promise for those who learn to wait!
Let’s make it a personal goal to be patient as we wait, and to model that for the children in our lives.
Advertisements

Stay Connected

We have two grandchildren starting kindergarten this year. Our oldest grandchild is starting 7th grade. How time has flown by!

For several years in a row, Phil and I were invited to give a talk to parents of kindergarten students at Scotts Creek School where Phil taught 7th and 8th grade Language Arts.

We would introduce ourselves as parents of four grown children, and say that between us, we had many years (40+) of teaching experience. This was meant in no way to give the impression that we were experts. Yet we did want those listening to know where we were coming from. The purpose of the session was to encourage parents to start at the beginning to take an active role in their children’s education – then maintain that involvement throughout their child’s career in school.

It is evident at any school open house, the higher the grade, the less parents come to meet their child’s teacher. Why do parents start out involved and present at school activities when their children are young, then fade into the background as their child grows?

Unless it is an athletic event, it is difficult to get parents of teens to show up at school.

Children NEED their parents to stay involved in their education!

Phil would share this comment as we began – “I want to share some strategies with you as your child begins kindergarten so that by the time they reach my classes in 7th and 8th grade, they know how to be a responsible student. It will make my job a whole lot more effective and enjoyable for your child and for me.” (This usually got several polite laughs. 🙂

If we think that the moment we turn our children over to a teacher, our responsibility for their education in over, we are sadly mistaken.

As parents, we have a vital role in supporting, monitoring, advocating, and (only when absolutely necessary) intervening in our children’s education. There is no excuse to abdicate that role to a teacher. As a dedicated teacher myself, I admit that I did not see and hear everything that went on in my classroom. I also know that I was not aware of some of the special needs or circumstances my students faced – unless the child or parent told me.

We gave the parents of kindergarten students a handout with four suggestions as follows:

Follow Through –

  • If you say, “No video games until you pick up your toys” stick to it.
  • Don’t say it if you don’t mean it.
  • Don’t take excuses. This leads the child to believe that your instructions are negotiable.
  • It takes effort but it will pay off!

Read to (and with) your Child –

  • This is the MOST important activity you can do to encourage your child’s academic growth
  • It will help them be the best student they can be.

Talk WITH Your Child – Listen

  • It is important to ask them about school, then ask the “next question”,
  • i.e. “Did you learn anything new today? “What was it? “Did you enjoy it?” Why or why not?”
  • “Did anything funny happen at school today?” “What happened?”
  • “Did you do your homework?  “Let me see it.”

Limit Screen Time –

  • Using devices, watching TV, videos, playing video games, even educational content, may rob children of doing many things that are important to their physical, emotional, and social development, like playing outside or reading a book.

God speaks to the children of Israel and says the following:

Deuteronomy 11:18-19 (NIV)

18 Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 19 Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

Verse 19 encourages a continuous connection with our children. Stay connected.

May God bless our children and grandchildren with a great school year that helps them grow in God’s grace. May we be faithful to encourage them.

 

Grace for Young Mothers

I haven’t written lately.

I haven’t painted.

I haven’t sewn a book or printed on the handmade paper I recently made.

Yet I have been doing the very things for which I retired. I am spending time with our grandchildren.

I walked into my studio yesterday to check the tiles I made with 8 of our grandchildren. The calm, creative atmosphere of the studio hit me, along with the fact that I have several projects in the works waiting to be attended to. “I LOVE working in this studio,” I thought.

But there will be time later, I thought. Grace.

These thoughts took me back 36 years to the time our children were little. It seemed like I faced a never ending cycle of meals, laundry, cleaning. Oh…. forget the cleaning. I did.

I didn’t write – except a random letter once in a great while.

I didn’t paint – except for a stick horse, a wall mural, or doll furniture.

I did not make anything “creative.”

But wait!

I was doing exactly what I planned to do when I left teaching full time. I was spending time with our children. “There would be time later to “create”, I thought.

AND THERE IS! Grace.

When God births a desire in our hearts, He is faithful to fulfill it in His time. We must wait and trust. I realized this week that I could choose to lament the time I am not in my studio, or enjoy the fact that our grandchildren are here and that I can treasure this time with them.

I am so thankful I chose the latter. We are having a lovely time. (I am worn out!)

A friend, Lena Woods, told me this week that her favorite memories from childhood were spending time with her cousins at her grandmother’s house. I hope we are creating some very special memories for our grandchildren as well.

Ecclesiastes 3: 1-2

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:

 2  a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,

This Scripture passage goes on to list many of life’s activities. Each thing has a time and a place. God’s time and God’s place.

So, I am going to go now and make lunches and we are going to ride bikes.

The studio will be there next month.

The grandchildren will not. Grace.

God’s Expectations

Phil and our first-born

” I could never live up to his expectations.”

How often have you heard this tragic statement in regard to someone talking about a parent? Sometimes a father, sometimes a mother, but equally heart-rending. Living with the feeling that you did not measure up is sometimes debilitating, but always hurtful.

The offending parent may have never verbalized their attitude towards the child, but in this case actions do speak louder than words. Looks of disdain, ignoring a child’s presence or needs,  just being too busy to listen all communicate lack of regard for a child.

Making fun of a child who makes a mistake, whether physical or verbal, is so hurtful. This can not only make a child feel inadequate, but can make a child feel like not trying something new for fear of failure.

We parents and grandparents must guard our speech to prevent hurtful words from wounding our children. Words spoken in frustration and impatience are especially scaring. One of the most harmful responses to a child is comparing that child to someone else in a negative way. “Why can’t you be like so and so…..?”

“Why can’t you be more like your brother?”

I have an older brother who was a high achiever in everything he did. He made excellent grades, was a good athlete, played the trombone, and NEVER got in trouble. Thankfully, my parents made it a point to not compare myself or my younger brother to our older sibling.

My younger brother can fix anything. He was this way as a young child. Whenever he visits, he fixes something. (Oh, about our coo-coo clock…when are you coming to visit?)

My parents expressed pleasure when I won the bubble-blowing contest, praised me for the grades I earned, and more importantly, supported my unique pursuits in artistic expression and theater, things my brothers did not do.

I do not remember a sense of competition in our home – but a realistic expectation that each of us would do our personal best. We are all different, and encouraging those differences seemed important in our family. My brothers may see it differently than I do, being the only girl, I always felt valued for who I was.

What a gift!

Phil and I tried to do the same with our four children, celebrating their differences and unique qualities. I can’t say that there was never competition between them, but it was self-inflicted, not from their father or me. The following Scripture is very meaningful to me –

Psalm 62:5   “My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from Him.

It is natural for parents to have expectations for their children.

We must make certain that our children know we love and accept them unconditionally. They must know that our love is not based on whether or not they meet our expectations.  The second part of that verse holds the key – “my expectation is from Him”. We must allow God to form our children according to HIS good pleasure, not ours.

I find this verse, Ephesians 3:20 in the Amplified version, so encouraging –

“Now to Him Who, by (in consequence of) the [action of His] power that is at work within us, is able to [carry out His purpose and] do superabundantly, far over and above all that we [dare] ask or think [infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, hopes, or dreams]–“

Now I can think of some pretty wonderful things to have happen for my children and grandchildren!

Yet this verse states the fact that what God, our Father, has planned for them is better than anything I can even think or dream!

So – the challenge for us as parents and grandparents is to let our expectations come from God.

Singing Scripture

Nana singing to twins

We often sang in the car as we traveled when I was young. My parents both had excellent voices and sang harmony, baritone and alto, in a mixed quartet while in college. They represented their school, Huntington College, Indiana, singing in various churches.

Since my parents both sang parts, someone had to carry the melody, so that fell to me. I can sing a melody line with the best of them, but I cannot sing a harmony part to save my life.

I wish I could.

We sang lots of hymns, gospel songs, folk songs, and what I think of as “camp fire songs”, Home on the Range, Cowboy Joe, etc.

I liked the gospel songs the best. They were upbeat, often had an echoing part, and were just plain fun to sing. They also rang true to me – they represented the Christian beliefs that were lived and taught in my home while growing up.

As I continued to grow, singing remained an important part of my life. In high school I started playing the guitar. I still play that same guitar today, 50 years later. I wanted to play the guitar to accompany singing, so I just play by ear, but I know LOTS of songs.

I was part of Christian singing groups in high school and college, and began learning scripture set to music.

Those scripture songs are so very dear to me. I will be thinking random thoughts and a scripture song will come to mind. I will then sing that scripture and be blessed by God’s word. It is hard for me to memorize Bible verses at my age, but I can easily remember words set to music.

It blesses my soul!

Gayleand Elaine in Israel

One of my most precious memories of our recent trip to Israel was singing scripture and hymns with my friend Elaine. We would see something, or hear someone share something and a scripture song would come to one of our minds. Several times Elaine and I had the same song on our hearts at the same time! What a blessing! We not only walked where Jesus walked, we sang as well.

Colossians 3:16

Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts.

I will always be thankful for the musical heritage passed down to me by my parents. Phil and I sang a lot with our children, and although neither of us sing harmony, we sang lots of gospel songs, hymns, and scripture together. Truthfully, sometimes we sang to distract a fussy little traveler. It usually worked!

Now we sing with our grandchildren. I hope to pass down that same musical heritage to this next generation. An unexpected blessing has been the new songs that they teach me.

I will sing unto the Lord as long as I live…” Psalm 104:33

That is the cry of my heart.

Nana singing around campfire

 

 

Words

Rachel Bob and Larry

Our youngest grandchild, Rachel, is starting to say so many new words.

The best word of all?

Nana!

Oh, how it warms my heart! It makes me melt – I am putty in her hands when she looks at me with those beautiful blue eyes and says – “Nana”.

I think God must respond in much the same way when we say “Jesus”.

Jesus – the name above every name.

In John 1: 1 – John starts his writings about Jesus in a powerful way –

In the beginning the Word already existed.
    The Word was with God,
    and the Word was God.
He existed in the beginning with God.
God created everything through him,
    and nothing was created except through him.
The Word gave life to everything that was created,
    and his life brought light to everyone.
The light shines in the darkness,
    and the darkness can never extinguish it.

John wanted everyone who read his writing to know that Jesus existed from the very beginning – that Jesus was in fact  – God. The WORD had great significance for the Jewish people because they had a long tradition of written expression – teachings from God directly to Moses that taught God’s plan for mankind from the very beginning. For John to link Jesus to this WORD was an amazing revelation.

John goes on to say in verse 14 –

14 So the Word became human and made his home among us. He was full of unfailing love and faithfulness. And we have seen his glory, the glory of the Father’s one and only Son.

Jesus expressed God’s glory.

When we worship Jesus and pray in His name, we bring glory to our heavenly Father. Jesus is God’s WORD that became flesh and lived among mankind.

Jesus has the name that is above every other name. Paul writes in

Philippians 2:9-15

Therefore, God elevated him to the place of highest honor
    and gave him the name above all other names,
10 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
    in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
11 and every tongue declare that Jesus Christ is Lord,
    to the glory of God the Father.

We bring glory to God when we sing and worship Jesus.

We bring glory to God when we pray and praise Jesus.

May we speak the name of Jesus and bless our Father, just as our children and grandchildren do with the words they speak.

May we demonstrate the value of belonging to Jesus with our words.

 

 

 

 

 

No Place for Hatred!

DSC_1697-2

Busted!

15 Anyone who hates another brother or sister is really a murderer at heart. And you know that murderers don’t have eternal life within them. I John 3:15 NLT

This Scripture hit me right between the eyes today as we discussed it in Bible study. “Hate” is such an ugly, debilitating emotion. Yet I recalled just a few days before expressing hateful feelings myself about a certain basketball team, a certain coach, and certain players. I do not know, nor have I met any of these people.

Jesus said –

21 “You have heard that our ancestors were told, ‘You must not murder. If you commit murder, you are subject to judgment.’ 22 But I say, if you are even angry with someone,  you are subject to judgment! If you call someone an idiot, you are in danger of being brought before the court. And if you curse someone, you are in danger of the fires of hell.  Matthew 5:21-22

Dedicated fans (dare I say “rabid”?) are not the exclusive territory of any one team. When Phil was attending Asbury Theological Seminary soon after we married, I cleaned house for an 80-year-old lady who had court side seats in Rupp Arena. Mrs. Moore was a widow and had two season tickets that her husband, a doctor and Kentucky graduate, had obtained during the heyday of Adolf Rupp and the Kentucky Wildcats. She went to those games, often taking a niece or a friend. She told me once their children would inherit the right to those season tickets. Mrs. Moore was a calm, quintessential Southern lady – UNTIL HER WILDCATS were playing!

Similar stories can be shared about most teams with loyal followings. My older brother reminded me when we were reminiscing about the Cubs’ World Series win, that my father, although a Cubs fan, was most consistently for the underdog. (that has been the definition of a Cubs’ fan, hasn’t it?) Even his favorite team did not receive his backing if a little known school or losing program threatened a win. He always thought it was a thrill to see “David beat Goliath”.

There has been an increase in the past few years of fans who take pride, not so much in their team and how it is playing, but in how ugly, disgusting, and downright vulgar their cheering section is. Expletives are commonplace. For these fans, I use the term loosely, it is no longer about the game, but about their extreme behavior in the stands.

Our family has always loved sports and competition. Everyone has played on multiple teams except for myself – who has never been on a team. (Someone has to watch!)

Yet I am concerned about the shift in our culture from cheering for your team to win – to degrading the opposing team, win or lose. I hear comments from fans of all ages that talk about opposing teams, coaches, and players in such degrading terms that hatred is the result.

I have talked this way myself.

I am busted.

As in any situation, when Holy Spirit convicts me of sin, I must confess it, accept forgiveness, and CHANGE MY BEHAVIOR.

I need to do this to honor the Lord.

I need to do this to be a positive example to my grandchildren.

I look forward to watching some basketball in the coming days. I want to focus on cheering for the teams in my bracket.

There is no place for hatred!