Category Archives: Being a Friend

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I Don’t Know All the Answers

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“Why?”

Because God is God and I am not.

That is why I don’t know all the answers:
* It is not because I am not smart enough (which is true, by the way)
* It is not because I have not read the right kind of books (which is also true. I read all the time but “The Belly Button Book” only answers belly button questions)
* It is not because I have not faced the situations you face. (again, true, but inconsequential)

God is God and I am not.

I have two very dear friends who are facing circumstances that are beyond my understanding. In both of these families there is great suffering. The suffering is not the result of their sin, but SIN resulting from the FALL.

These are folks who love God and seek to serve Him whole heartedly.

They have been praying, friends have been praying, whole churches have been praying, people literally around the world are praying.

The suffering continues.

Why?

I don’t know all the answers.

I remember sitting on the floor in a large room at the University of Illinois – Urbana in 1973. I was seated on the floor because the room was full of college students like me. We were waiting to hear Elizabeth Elliot speak. Mrs. Elliot had lost her husband when he was murdered, after they had been married less than two years, by tribal people they were trying to reach with the Gospel of Jesus Christ. When I heard her speak that day, her second husband had recently died of cancer.

Why? I wondered.

As Elizabeth Elliot spoke, a calm assurance emanated from her person. I have never forgotten what she said. “Many of you are facing grievous situations now in your families, your schools, even with your friends. Some of you are broken hearted and feel that God has abandoned you. I don’t know all the answers to your questions…. but I know the One who does.”

What a powerful truth! God has the answer.

1 Corinthians 13:12-13 (NLT)

12 Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.

13 Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.

I have found the three words listed in verse 13 to be the key to my unanswered questions.

1) faith – I have faith that God is God and He is good. Terrible things happen, but God is GOOD and He can use those very circumstances FOR my good. I still don’t understand, but I trust God.
2) hope – when it is darkest, hope is the anchor that keeps me from drifting off into darkness. My hope is based on God’s faithfulness to me as His child.
3) love – God loves me and He has promised to carry me through all that I face in life. God’s love never fails.

Verse 12 says –
“All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.” Someday when I am in God’s presence, I will know why.

I don’t know all the answers…..but I know the One who does.

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At a Loss for Words

“There are no words to describe the horror of the last few hours…..” “I don’t have any words to describe…..” Phrases like these were repeated over and over as individuals tried to communicate their reactions to the devastating shooting that took place Friday at an elementary school in Connecticut. Yet, as my husband pointed out – these people kept talking. They were saying they “had no words”, yet they kept using words.

I realized – it wasn’t that they didn’t have any words – it was that they didn’t have the right words.

We have all been in that place of experiencing something and being at a loss for words. Our ability to communicate thoughts and feelings sets us apart from the rest of the animal kingdom. Many species can share information, but we have the ability to synthesize information and therefore communicate on a deeper level. Until our vocabulary lets us down. There was nothing to say – words were inadequate to express the pain of that loss.

Are there “right words” at such a time? The death of a loved one, a miscarriage, a critical illness, all these are situations that make us want to offer words of solace and hope. Yet it may be that there are no “right” words at these times.

I remember entering the home of my life-long friend after a terrible accident that claimed the life of her 18 month old son. I had no words. I fell into her arms and we hugged and cried. There were no “right” words – we wept and held on to each other, then sat holding hands – just needing to be in touch. I went home that night to my precious 18th month old daughter. My friend and her husband were left overwhelmed by the aching absence of their little son. All I had to offer at that time was my love demonstrated by my presence.

“God will work all things for good…..” “God is in control.” “God’s love will comfort you”. These are truthful statements – yet they are not comforting in light of the reality of the loss. They instead cause questions to arise – if God is in control – why did He allow my child to die? Wasn’t it “good” to have my child here with me? I wouldn’t need comfort if my child was still here!

Clichés and “pat answers” are not words that help when facing grief and suffering. I have had friends tell me that the most beneficial support was being there – not any words that were said.

The right words may be needed later – but expressing loving support through one’s presence and prayer is more valuable initially.

We do need to listen to one another. Many of us process situations by expressing verbally what we think and feel. Listening to those who are grieving provides an outlet for their grief and also a chance to remember the loved one who is gone.

Ecclesiastes 3:1

1There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:

4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

7 a time to be silent and a time to speak,

We don’t need to be so concerned about having the right words as being the loving support God wants us to be. May we recognize when to be silent and when to speak.

I follow a blog by Ruth Rutherford. This poem she wrote touched me – these were the right words for me at this time. – check it out – http://ruthrutherford.wordpress.com/2012/12/16/when-sunlight-fades-lord-have-mercy/

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Hard of Hearing

Okay, at my next physical exam I will have my hearing tested. I’ll be 61 next month, which is NOT old, but it certainly is older than 30. I don’t want to be like two very wonderful and Godly men I have known that couldn’t hear well, but did not want to do anything about it. I am sure they had their reasons, but at the same time they were missing out on hearing some lovely aspects of our world. Whenever possible I want to wake to hear the birds singing, or tune into the highest and lowest notes of a choral rendition. This is especially true if it is my grandchildren are singing!

I find myself turning the volume up on the radio and yet the music students listen to is WAY too loud for me. (a certain sign that you are old – adolescents’ music is too loud! I remember my parents saying that about Peter, Paul, and Mary).  Paradoxically, I will hear comments and words my high school students say and when I call them to account, their common response is – “I didn’t think you could hear me.” So, my hearing is not totally deficient – yet.

God uses the term “hearing” to describe the ability of His children to understand what He wants to communicate with us.

Matthew 13:14-16

14 In them (meaning those who are hard of hearing)  is fulfilled the prophecy of Isaiah:

“‘You will be ever hearing but never understanding; you will be ever seeing but never perceiving. 15 For this people’s heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them.”  16 But blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.

Jesus is talking to His disciples about the need for spiritual eyes, ears, and hearts that are open to Jesus’ teaching. Just as our ears can become “hard of hearing” physically, our spiritual ears can become “hard of hearing” in regards to what our Heavenly Father wants to say to us. Our children often display “selective hearing” in response to our direction or correction in their lives – so do we.

To be honest, I sometimes practice “selective hearing” with my Heavenly Father. When I hear Him say something I feel positive about – I am quick to obey. If I am less pleased with His direction, I may be slow to respond – maybe even act as though I didn’t hear anything to start with.

Our children do this as well. When we encourage them to listen and obey quickly, we are preparing them to listen to and respond to their Heavenly Father. I  want to be a mother, friend, and grandmother who has excellent hearing spiritually. Then I can be an example to those I love, and, like verse 16 says –  be blessed by my Heavenly Father.