Category Archives: Being a Friend

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Alone

I became pregnant with our first child in 1976 while teaching kindergarten.  It was my third year of teaching and I was thrilled to be having a child of our own. He was born on June 9th, 1977 and, by the way, he was absolutely perfect (just ask him). Two months later we moved to Kentucky so Phil could attend seminary. I no longer had 23 adoring children telling me how pretty I was, how much they loved me, hanging on my every word as I sang “Mrs. Woody’s Silly Songs” and read “Tiki Tiki Tembo”. Now I was alone with a baby all day and Phil was off having fun studying Greek, New Testament, and Pastoral Counseling. I couldn’t WAIT for him to come home so I could have adult conversation.

Somewhere about this time, probably in his Pastoral Counseling class, Phil learned that males generally use around 16,000 words a day while females use about 35,000. He politely informed me that he used his 16o00 words during classes, so when he came home, he had met his verbal quota. Wait a minute! I had barely shaved the top off my quota by the time Phil came home! Our 6 month-old was not conversing much at this point (although according to him he had already read War and Peace).

We had a problem. I was lonely. I had a loving husband and a precious son, but I felt desperately alone.

Phil was busy in classes, studying, writing papers, and working four part-time jobs so I could stay home with our son. On the one hand, I knew Phil was busy with these responsibilities, I also knew I needed adult conversation and interaction. We talked about it and prayed about it and Phil finally said, “Gayle, you need to make some friends.”

OK – that was easy. It was a logical solution. It was also easier said then done. Phil had instant relationships with fellow seminarians. Many of the wives of the seminary students worked full-time putting their spouses through school. They were gone all day. I started taking our son on walks in the stroller hoping I would walk past other young mothers. I didn’t see anyone. I started planning trips to the laundry mat when I thought other mothers would be there so I could become acquainted with them while our clothes washed and dried. Laundry must have been a common chore for the husbands because the only other people in the laundramat were seminary students studying while their clothes agitated, spun, rinsed, and tumbled dry. I was in despair!

For the first time in my life, I was not surrounded by friends who I could share my life with. Phil was (and still is) my most meaningful relationship. But in my desperation for fellowship I was draining him dry. He could not meet all my needs for relationship as much as he tried. He was not interested in decorating, sewing, or painting. His eyes glazed over as I talked about breastfeeding and how long cloth diapers took to dry on the clothes line. I needed female friendship.

Looking back, I think God allowed me to go through this time to teach me how important it is to have healthy relationships.  God refers to the church as a family, an army, a body made up of many parts, a people – all collective words that require and describe some type of relationship. As a Christian I am not out there on my own – I am part of the family of God. Those relationships I have with other Christians teach me a lot as well as produce joyful interaction.

After several months of struggle, God did bring some precious friends into my life. I can truly say that I have fond memories of our time in Kentucky because of those friends.

Then we left Kentucky and returned to North Carolina. Over the years I have been blessed with friendships that have allowed me to grow as a woman, as a wife, as a mother, and most of all, as a Christian. These friendships are vital to my health and wellbeing. These friends have laughed and cried with me, prayed and sung with me, they have corrected me at times and loved me in spite of my weakness.  By living honest, transparent lives before me, these dear friends have allowed me to realize that we all fall short of God’s glory, but we can press on together to become all God has called us to be.

Philippians 3:12-16 (NIV)

12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

I am so blessed by the friends that have graced my life with their love.

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No Sense of Direction

Short road trips – back in the day….

People often ask me for directions. This is a source of great amusement in our family because I was born with no sense of direction. In fact, if I say that I think we should turn left, turning right is probably the correct option. Yet, it never fails that strangers will approach me and ask for directions.

  • Phil and I were in Poland and on two occasions Polish people approached me and asked directions. Our interpreter intervened and told them I was American. They looked quite surprised.
  • I was riding public transportation in Chicago to attend our daughter’s soccer game at the University of Chicago and a young woman asked me which bus she should take to …… Of course I had no idea – just a little piece of paper where my brother had jotted down my bus number and route. (I asked someone else standing near us on her behalf.)
  • Phil will be pumping gas at a service station and people will approach me and ask directions. I always laugh a bit as I refer them to my husband – Mr. GPS himself!

For the sake of full disclosure, Phil knew from the start that he was marrying someone who had no sense of direction. The first time we drove from North Carolina to Wheaton, Illinois to meet my extended family, we were about 5 miles from the home I grew up in and we got lost and drove 40 miles west. (It didn’t scare him off!)

I will come out of a rest room in a building and have to orient myself to find my way back to where I started. Our four children learned at a young age to pay attention to landmarks – their observations have come in handy for finding our way back home. ( Was Abigail’s early fascination with maps a coping strategy?) My friends also know that I am not a reliable source when it comes to finding a particular destination. They don’t ask me to drive, do they Carol?  On road trips, I pick the songs we will sing in the car – someone else navigates.

So, the natural question that arises is “Have you ever been lost?”

Answer – Yes, many times.

God has graciously provided people to ask, or signs that “suddenly” appear, or my destination looms ahead and I really don’t know how I got there. There have been a few times when I believe Divine intervention helped me arrive where I needed to be, I have no “natural” explanation. God is faithful. I am a testimony to the truth that in our weakness  – He is strong.

When you don’t have a sense of direction, the best solution is to follow someone who knows the way.

I share this because as parents and grandparents we recognize deficiencies, handicaps, and certain lack of ability in our children and grandchildren. These may be small concerns or significant issues. Yet these concerns are very real and can result in serious problems in the lives of those we love. Our Heavenly Father knows this – He knows our strengths and our weaknesses. God has blessed me throughout my life with people who are strong where I am weak – who have been able to lead me in may ways.  As I mentioned, my husband has an internal GPS that continues to amaze me after almost 37 years. Our children are all good navigators, I am so thankful they aren’t like me! But God has also brought countless precious people who He has used to lead me in the right direction for my life – AT JUST THE RIGHT TIME!

Psalm 23

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.

He makes me lie down in green pastures;

He leads me beside quiet waters,

He refreshes my soul. He guides me along the

right paths for His name’s sake.

 Even though I walk through the darkest valley,

I will fear no evil, for You are with me;

Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

Although I have no sense of direction in the natural sense, God has been faithful to lead and guide me all my life.
God will do this for our children and grandchildren as well. If we were riding in the car right now – we would sing that Scripture chorus:
“He has brought us this far by His grace,
He has led us by fire and by cloud,
He will bring us to Zion to look on His face,
Oh blessed, Oh blessed be God.”
Anyone for a road trip?
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Church

 

I ran into a dear, old acquaintance this week – old in the sense I have known her for over 40 years, and also old in that she is elderly. I’ll refer to her respectfully as Mrs. “J”. Her husband, now deceased, invited me many years ago to sing in the choir at their church. The end result was that I met my husband, Phil, there. Being the shy person that I am, I introduced myself to Phil ( he had already noticed me though, because he knew my name) and that began what has been my most treasured human relationship. Church is a wonderful place to meet one’s spouse!

Talking to Mrs. “J” again was a chance to recall some precious memories. We mentioned the fact that I sang in the choir under her husband’s direction. I also led the Youth Choir for a year and one of her sons played the piano and three other of her children sang in the choir. During that time I learned many of the old gospel songs that still mean so much to me. I reminded her how blessed I was by her mother-in-law who was in her 80’s and always sat in the front pew. Mrs. “J” Sr. was the widow of the former pastor and I always wondered if she had always been in the front row to support her husband when he preached  – then just stayed there after he passed on “home”. She would get very excited whenever a song about heaven was sung, raising her hand and often even shouting her love for God. This godly saint longed to be in the presence of her Lord Jesus.

As we talked,  Mrs. “J” ‘s countenance became sad, and she asked me if I had heard about the changes in her church. I had, and like so many of us, she had experienced a split in her church that hurt her and members of her family to the core.  Phil and I have experienced a splintering of a fellowship and we have said that it was a hurt and betrayal of commitment that felt to us in some ways as a divorce must feel. I heard a Bible teacher once say that the Christian Army is the only one that shoots its wounded. We Christians have a tragic, yet well deserved reputation for lack of unity. This is a sad commentary to the world around us on Jesus being the Prince of Peace.

Fortunately, by God’s infinite wisdom, the true Church is not the building, denomination, or even the group any of us fellowship with on a regular basis. The Church is the Body of Christ made up of all of us who have put our faith in Jesus as Savior and Lord. The blessing in this is that there can not be splits or divisions of the true Church.  It is a spiritual creation of our Heavenly Father and is not based on any man-made designations. This is a truth that is important to communicate with our children. It is important for several reasons.

  • We want our children to identify with the true Church (Body of Christ) –  not a building
  • We want our children to know that we as people fail, but the true Church has stood the test of time and is eternal  (Colossians 1:17-19 (NIV)17 He (Jesus) is before all things, and in Him all things hold together. 18 And He is the head of the Body, the Church; He is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything He might have the supremacy.)
     
  • We want our children to be connected to other Christians to build the true Church – not become “Lone Ranger” Christians flitting here and there, tossed about by every wind of doctrine (Ephesians 4:14 KJV) 
  • We want our children to know that even when hurtful, wrong things happen in the Church, God is bigger and is at work to accomplish HIS will through His Church (Ephesians 3:20-21 (NIV) 20 Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, 21 to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

 I love the Body of Christ!  I have been blessed my whole life with brothers and sisters in the Body who have loved me and encouraged me in my journey to become all God has called me to be. I want to conclude with the following verse. If we can model this for our children and grandchildren, we will honor our Heavenly Father –

Ephesians 4:1-3 (NIV) Unity and Maturity in the Body of Christ

4 As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. 2 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. 3 Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.