Category Archives: Being a Mom

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Like Mother Like Daughter

Three Generations - Four Mothers

Three Generations – Four Mothers

“You must be Esther’s daughter.”

I have heard that comment, or something similar all my life.

I have heard that phrase most recently while visiting my mother. Many of the people who live at the retirement community where my parents have lived the past two years have never met me.

They recognize me anyway!

My father passed on to his heavenly home on February 10.

My mother has rejoiced in the fact that Dad was ready to die, he was alert until the very end, and we were all able to share our love and say goodby at the end of Dad’s life on this earth.

Yet, that is not the end of the story.

I traveled to Wheaton to visit Mom in March. She was ready to sort through Dad’s things and distribute them. His clothes were given to a ministry for refugees and immigrants, which would have pleased Dad. We also rearranged some things in her apartment and had time to share many wonderful memories.

I returned to North Carolina on March 24th and on the 25th, Mom suffered a broken femur in a car accident upon arriving at church for the Good Friday service.

My mother’s attitude since these two situations occurred has been inspirational. She has expressed gratitude to God in each case because she has seen something to be genuinely thankful for.

What has Mom been thankful for?

  •  that Dad did not suffer long
  • that they had a chance to share their love and say goodby
  • that Dad was at peace
  • that she did not get hurt worse
  • that she has good care and loving caregivers
  • that my brother and sister-in-law have been so helpful

It has certainly been a blessing for me to see. I planned on comforting Mom during my visits and she has helped me to see the blessings.

“What do you expect, Gayle? God is answering everyone’s prayers for me.” Mom said recently.

Last Sunday morning Mom called me at 7:00 (6:00 in Wheaton). She said, “I know you are going to church today and that you will praise God. I want you to praise Him for how well I am doing.”

You can imagine how easy it was to praise God after that call!

James 1:2-4

“Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So, let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.”

This Mother’s Day I am so thankful for a mother who is an example of living those verses.

I not only want to look like my mother, I want to have faith like her.

May God bless each of you who are mothers….

Happy Mother’s Day!

 

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I Don’t Know

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Have you ever been irritated by a person who “knows it all”? Or more precisely, someone who ACTS like they know it all?

(truth be told, NO ONE knows it all)

This is very common with parenting advice…

  • “Well, when I was potty training….”
  • “My child never…”
  • “My child always…”

BEWARE OF THOSE WHO USE “ALWAYS” and “NEVER”!

It is rare for life to be so absolute, isn’t it?

These statements sometimes come from a parent of an only child – a  compliant only child. Where is the control group? Where are the variables of gender and birth order?

The reality of parenting is that we don’t have all the answers.

I heard a preacher say recently “it isn’t about having all the answers… it is about knowing who to go to for the answers.”

I remember Elizabeth Elliot challenging young women at a conference in 1990 – “I don’t know what you are facing in your life today…but I know the One who does.”

Jesus

Prayer is an amazing practice that opens our hearts and minds to receive God’s wisdom. Does this mean that when I pray I will receive an audible response telling me what to do?

rarely….

Yet I do believe that God will respond to our requests for wisdom. I have experienced this myself many times. God promises to do so in His Word.

James 1:5 (ESV)

5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.

This promise applies to us as parents. James goes on to say in this same letter –

James 3:17 (ESV)

17 But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.

How encouraging!

This is not the kind of wisdom that makes one feel dumb, ignorant, or inexperienced. It is …

  • pure
  • gentle
  • open to reason
  • full of mercy
  • impartial
  • sincere

That list embodies JUST the kind of wisdom I need when I don’t know the answer.

This wisdom may come from a thought given by the Holy Spirit. It may come from a friend who is unaware you even have a concern. The wisdom may be from something you read or hear on the radio. It may be in a song. God will use various means to answer our prayers for wisdom. His wisdom.

It is the kind of wisdom young mothers should seek.

It is the kind of wisdom grandmothers should share.

Gentle, not judgemental.

Open to reason, not hard and fast.

Full of mercy…knowing that God has shown mercy to me more times than I can count.

May we seek Jesus so we can receive His wisdom.

I may not know – but I know the One who does.

 

 

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It’s Only a Game

me chicago1

…or is it?

While watching the NCAA tournament last evening, I was on a roller coaster of emotions along with the rest of the fans watching.

If you were not on that roller coaster, you either did not care about the results of the game or were not a fan of either team.

At the end, one team is elated with victory…

the other is crushed with defeat.

That is just the way it is. One team wins. One team loses. If there was no disappointment in defeat, then the victory would not be as sweet because it just really wouldn’t matter who won.

It is only a game, after all.

Or is it?

The outcome does matter a WHOLE LOT to the

  • team
  • coaches
  • parents
  • family members
  •  school
  • real fans
  • alumni

Watching the seniors on the losing team is heartbreaking. I couldn’t help but feel for the family members and loved ones who care about those young men. This was the NCAA tournament after all.

It is the big time – a once-in-a-life-time experience.

I remember being in Columbus, Ohio in 2002 for the final four of the NCAA Division III Women’s soccer tournament. Our daughter, Abigail was playing for Wheaton College and their team was facing Amherst College for the semi-final game. The score was tied at 1-1 when time ran out. After 2 scoreless over time periods, the game went to penalty kicks.

What an awful way to end a tournament game, a season, and for the seniors, their career!!

Wheaton lost in penalty kicks.

I have abhorred penalty kicks ever since!

The team was heartbroken. They had played an amazing season to get to that point – the final four – but that was no consolation at that moment.

Neither was the fact that it was only a game.

It was not brain surgery, no lives were lost, but it was NOT the outcome that the team had worked so hard for all season. Only time and distance would assuage their pain.

Do our children and grandchildren feel any less pain when they lose their hard-fought athletic contests?

As adults we realize there is a vast difference between a youth league tournament and the NCAA tournament. Yet to a child, their game is a big as it gets.

How can we help children keep their games in perspective and also help them handle the disappointment of defeat?

The following are some suggestions that I have gleaned from 35 years of watching children and now grandchildren participate in athletic events –

  • remember it is a game, it should be fun
  • do not try to relive your athletic past (or lack thereof ) through your child
  • encourage them with positive comments
  • cheer for their teammates as well as your child
  • when your child loses,  and it WILL happen, let them grieve appropriately
  • moderate tears are appropriate, wailing not so much

Try to avoid the following if at all possible –

  • yelling instructions to your child while a game is in progress (if they do hear you, what you yell may be different than the coach’s instructions)
  • yelling at the coach
  • yelling at your child’s team members
  • yelling at the officials
  • ok, avoid ALL yelling
  • criticizing the coach, especially in front of your child
  • demanding more playing time or a certain position for your child
  • make excuses or blame others for the lack of ability your child has

Children will take their cues from the adults in their lives, especially their parents, on how to respond in situations following a game. If we act with positive sportsmanship and grace following defeats or victories, our children will learn to do the same.

Colossians 3:23-25 E(ESV)

23 Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, 24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.

Whatever our children are doing, whether it is helping at home, playing with siblings, playing with friends, learning at school, whatever they do,

if it is only playing a game,

we can help them understand that they honor and serve God by doing their best…

win or lose.