Category Archives: Being a Wife

by

Faith or Fear

Woody Family in 1990

Woody Family in 1990

 

In June of 1990 I was diagnosed with breast cancer and on July 2, 1990 I had surgery to remove that cancer.  I was 38 years old and we had 4 children aged 13, 11, 10, and 8.  My first thought was that my children needed a mother. As wonderful a father as my husband Phil was – I felt my children needed me. Who would fix the girl’s hair?  Who would be there for the important life events that lay ahead? Could Phil shop for wedding dresses someday?

People all over Jackson County began praying for me as well as people literally around the world. My parents were teaching at a mission school in Taiwan at that time and their whole school began praying for me. I don’t really have words to describe the very real effect of those prayers, but I can describe the results of those prayers in two practical ways.

1)    I felt very loved. People took care of our children, cleaned our house, and brought meals for a total of 40 days.

2)    I felt peace. God impressed on me a Bible verse that says – Psalm 31:14-24

14 But I trust in you, LORD;
I say, “You are my God.”
15 My times are in your hands.

The peace came because I believe when that verse says “my times are in your hands” it means that I will not die one day before Gods’ will is fulfilled in my life. I realized at that point I had a choice. I could choose faith or fear. 

I could live in fear of the cancer coming back –

or I could live believing in God’s faithfulness.

I have chosen faith.

Yes, fear does try to creep in. Whenever ……

  • I feel a different pain,
  • I hear about someone I know having a reoccurrence of cancer,
  • I am waiting for the results of my yearly check up.

At the moment that fear tries to creep in – I again choose FAITH.

A former chemistry teacher at Smoky Mountain High School named Valerie Yurkovich had breast cancer the year before I did and came to visit me and bring a meal after I had surgery. She told me that when her husband found out I had been diagnosed with cancer he said, “That surprises me because she is such a good Christian.” I was blessed that he thought that about me, but the Bible never says that just because we are Christians, bad things won’t happento us. In fact it says in James 1:2 – 3

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.”

I never asked ‘why me?” when I found out I had cancer – instead I realized “why not me?”

Valerie Yurkovich did face a reoccurrence of cancer and died after battling bravely. So did other friends of mine – Martha Queen, Elizabeth Dux, and just last year, Pam Lee.

Why am I still here?

On 9-11 this year I heard one of the Captains of a Fire Fighting Unit speak about the horror he experienced being in a stairwell of the World Trade Center when the building collapsed. He and his men were on the 40th floor with several people they were rescuing. They heard a loud explosion, things collapsed around them, and after a time as the dust and debris settled, he realized there was blue sky above him. The building had collapsed all around him and miraculously he and those with him survived.

This Captain said that people hear of his experience and often say “You must feel that God has something very special for you since you survived.”  – he replies –   “No – because then that means that those who died that day did not have special futures ahead.”

I don’t believe that I have survived 22 years after cancer just because God has something special for me to accomplish in life. I believe He has something special for ALL of us.

Jeremiah 29:11 says  –

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

The life lessons I have gleaned from having cancer are:

  • Growing older is a blessing! – I am BLESSED to be 60 with graying hair and wrinkles! I am able to enjoy being with our adult children and their spouses. The blessings of seeing them enjoy their careers and families and 11 grandchildren are gifts I no longer take for granted.
  • God teaches us through suffering – Sheila Walsh says about suffering
    • You would never sign up for it…. but you’d never change it.

The challenge for all of us is to live each day as if to accomplish the SPECIAL PURPOSE God has for us by choosing faith over fear. Fear of anything robs us of the peace faith in God brings.

In the next post we will look at some of the common fears that afflict young mothers. May God bless you with faith!

by

The Best Father’s Day Gift

A co-worker of mine was sharing recently that her son and daughter-in-law are expecting their first child. She said that he was reading about becoming an effective father and that the article he read said that there was one quality that research had shown was most important in predicting the well-being of children. That quality was a stable, loving relationship between the parents. In other words – the best thing a father can do to help his children become well-adjusted and happy is to love their mother.

This makes sense on many levels. If the parents are loving and supportive of one another, this is certainly a positive example for the children. There will also be a sense of security if the parents have a stable, committed relationship. One of the worst things that can happen to a child is for that child to believe that she is the center of the universe. If the parents are investing in their relationship with each other, the child will learn that real love is not selfish, but can be shared among family members and multiplied.

We were encouraged early on in our marriage to make time for each other and to keep our relationship a priority. I must admit that it was not always easy to do this.  We had four children in 4  1/2 years. Phil was working at the university library as well as serving in leadership in our church. I was staying home with our children after having taught school for 3 years before our first child was born. I wanted to stay home and be a full-time homemaker, yet there were times when I tried to mentally calculate how much I would have to make in salary to pay for childcare for four children – and still have some money left. I’m not sure such a job existed in our rural community! I would hear “experts” talk about keeping romance alive in your marriage by having a date night. Right! When we only had enough money to make our house payment and buy groceries, a date night was not going to happen!

Looking back on those days one of the biggest blessings to me was that we were not alone. We had some very good friends that also had limited financial resources. They too desired to invest in their families. We would get together for picnics in the National Park, a cook-out at someone’s house, or share meals on the spur of the moment. Those times of fellowship with others did not cost anything (we would have eaten anyway) but they sure paid off in enjoying each other as families.

We now tease each others’ children that we helped raise them, and in part that is true. But more than anything, these families modeled Godly relationships for our children, as well as their own. Each of these fathers loved their children, but more than that they loved their wives. Their good example is a treasure that has paid off in the lives of their children and grandchildren.

I was blessed with Godly parents and grandparents. They loved me and prayed for me. My father and both my grandfathers loved their wives. I grew up expecting that was the norm. My husband did not grow up in a Christian home, his father did not honor his mother and love her respectfully. There was much turmoil and dysfunction in his family. Yet Phil has been a loving husband and a wonderful father to our four children. This is because he has committed his life to God as his Heavenly Father. Phil has allowed Biblical standards to guide his relationships in our home. We have three sons-in-law that are Godly young men who love and respect our daughters and are such a blessing to us! This is the evidence of God’s grace and redemption. Even though Phil did not have a Godly example, his desire to follow God’s plan has resulted in blessing for our family.

We are not perfect, our marriage is not perfect, our children are not perfect, and our grandchildren ARE perfect. Just kidding…they are amazing….but not perfect. Yet because of God’s love and grace, our family is blessed with the love we have for each other.

Ephesians 5: 25-28  (NLT) challenges husbands in this way;

25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. 27 He did this to present her to Himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. 28 In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself.

The best Father’s Day Gift is love, and the best thing a father can do for his family is to love his wife!

by

Summertime!

I still remember the sense of freedom that I felt when school was finished for the year. A whole summer of possibilities lay ahead! These are some of the most endearing memories of my childhood – the times of playing in the creek, piling rocks to dam the Oconolufte  Creek up so we could swim. Building “forts” (my brother Gregg was especially good at this!) with old boards and whatever was lying around in the woods so we could have adventures. We went tubing and threw rocks in the river trying to “skip” them like our father did. We attended Bible School at the Cherokee Baptist Church and made new friends.

All these memories revolve around being in the mountains of North Carolina. My summers as a child were idyllic and I treasure these memories.

Then I married a mountain man and our four children were able to enjoy many of these same activities as children. Each would probably list different things that they enjoyed most about summer, yet I know that they all loved this season and the chance to be “free” from the schedule of school.

We would often meet our family friends at the library for the Summer Reading Program and afterwards eat a picnic lunch in the park. We would plan “Fridays at Deep Creek” where the older kids could tube down the river and the younger ones could play in the shallows with round river rocks. We mothers could visit and supervise the little ones, getting the social interaction with adults that we needed.

Summer also involved chores in the garden. Once when our children were small, someone asked our third child if she was looking forward to summer. Her expression saddened and she replied, “NO, I have to weed the garden”. My heart sank as I heard this. I did not want her memories of summer to be sad ones! We still gave our children chores, but I made sure that they realized that the chores were done first, so they could play, swim, and be with their friends afterwards.

I have sometimes heard mothers of young school children lament the fact that school is almost over  – that summer break was about to start. These mothers are not looking forward to having their children home with them. They see their children’s freedom as interfering with their freedom. This is an attitude that pervades our culture. The attitude that children are a burden and need to be “managed” with as little interference in the parents’ lives as possible. How tragic! These parents are missing out on a wonderful opportunity to build memories that last a lifetime. These years when our children are young and at home go so quickly. (I remember thinking, “yeah, sure” when I was in the middle of those years) Looking back – they did fly by.

Mark 9:36-38 (NIV)

36 He took a little child whom he placed among them. Taking the child in his arms, he said to them, 37 “Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me does not welcome me but the One who sent me.” 

When we put time with our children ahead of our own desires, we are following the example of Jesus. He placed a high value on children. As parents and grandparents we are able to maximize our children’s summer. Young ones will not choose the best activities on their own. We must plan and guide them, considering their preferences such as swimming, playing ball, creating art, building forts, even just playing with favorite toys.

Limiting screen time is important, even more important in the summer. Children learn creativity, problem solving, and build their imaginations while playing. Screen time is usually passive entertainment and is counter productive. Active play helps children develop physically, mentally, and socially.

Have a wonderful, blessed summer building positive memories!!