Category Archives: Being a Wife

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Feeling Drained

Spring has sprung here in western North Carolina! The buds are bursting open and each day I look forward to seeing which flower has bloomed. It also means cleaning up from winter’s effects – the dead stalks of last year’s flowers, leaves that avoided fall’s leaf raking, and weeds that seem to push up first in their effort to take over.

We have had abundant rain this spring so the little branch that runs through the yard is flowing swiftly. The pipe that carries the water to three little pools by the garden was barely flowing, so Saturday my husband set out to fix it. He ended up digging down to the buried pipe and discovered a leak. He also discovered that the pipe was plugged with a tangle of roots about six feet long. It was such a dense mess that it is surprising that any water at all made it through. He pulled out the roots, patched the leak, and soon the water was flowing clear and free.

It reminded me of times when our children were small that I felt completely drained. Just like those tangled up roots, I was so caught up in the cares of life that I felt like all the life had drained out of me. Nothing could get in – so nothing could flow out. I was plugged up!! Now I am by nature a people person. But at this point I felt that if another person asked me to watch their child, fix a meal, or sell ___for a fundraiser, I WOULD SCREAM!!! I had nothing left to give my own children, much less anyone else’s. I was completely drained. What was wrong? I was a mother committed to the well-being of my children, why did I feel this lifeless, empty feeling?

John 7:37-40 (NIV)

 37 On the last and greatest day of the festival, Jesus stood and said in a loud voice, “Let anyone who is thirsty come to me and drink. 38 Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them.” 39 By this he meant the Spirit, whom those who believed in him were later to receive. Up to that time the Spirit had not been given, since Jesus had not yet been glorified. 

I believe the problem developed because I was trying to do it all myself. There were several things I needed to do to “refill” my dry and lifeless spirit.

  •  Allow the Holy Spirit to flow through me. For water to flow out of a pond or lake, water must flow in first to cause the overflow.  If there is no flow, the water will become stagnant. I must refresh my Spirit with God’s Word, worship, and fellowship to prevent spiritual stagnation. Then “rivers of living water will flow from within me!”
  • Allow others to help me. That may mean humbling myself and admitting I can’t do it all. It may mean going to a counselor or doctor for treatment.
  • Prioritize my responsibilities so that when I feel drained, I know what is MOST important – and I do that first (and maybe nothing else.)
  • Remember that there will be seasons of feeling drained, suffering, trials, etc. Yet I don’t need to stay there.

The following prayer that Paul prayed for the Christians in Ephesus is a beautiful expression of the Father’s love for us and His desire that we experience that love.

Ephesians 3:13-19

14 For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15 from whom every family  in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Instead of feeling drained, our heavenly Father wants to fill us to overflowing with His love. Use these verses as a prayer for yourself and your family members. You will be blessed!
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The BEST Gift Ever!

“The greatest gift a mother and father can give their children is to love their spouse.” I remember hearing that said by a wise, godly man, Jay Fesperman. We were attending a Christian Marriage and Parenting Retreat at the Inn of the Last Resort in Franklin, North Carolina. That phrase struck a chord with me because I had lived in just such a home growing up. It truly was a gift!

When I was seven or eight years old, I remember my mother crying one day after an argument with my father. When dad left the kitchen, I went up to mom and hugged her and said, “Dad is mean to you!” Through her tears her said, “No, Gayle, your Dad is right, I was wrong.” That sent a strong message to me about my mother’s respect for my father. Even when her feelings were hurt, she wanted me to know that my father was worthy of respect. Because of her love and respect for my father, I learned to respect my father and his authority in my life.  I knew he wasn’t perfect, but through the way my mother talked about and to my father, I also learned to love and respect my father’s authority in my life.

How does this love and respect between parents affect a child? Why would it be a “gift” to demonstrate mutual love and respect? When children hear and see love and respect verbalized and demonstrated between parents, they are blessed for several reasons:

  • children see that love is more than words, it is also demonstrated with actions
  • children learn to emulate the respectful behavior of their parents
  • children feel a sense of security that is a product of a nurturing, stable home
  • children witness respectful conflict resolution
  • children establish a sense of the value of healthy relationships

If my mother had put down my dad and spoken with resentment about him, that would have planted seeds of disrespect in my heart. It could have grown into distrust of my father’s love and concern for me.

Ephesians 5:31-33 (NIV)

31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.
33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. 
Notice that these verses call the marriage relationship not only a mystery, but a PROFOUND mystery. That is a understatement from my experience! It is a mystery to me how my relationship with my husband influences my children’s sense of security and value – yet I know from personal experience  – it does. I have been blessed my whole life with a realization that God loves me. This is not a prideful assessment, but a deep felt realization that my Heavenly Father loves me. I attribute this to the blessing of having a birth father who loved me unconditionally and loved my mother faithfully as well. It was an easy transference of love and commitment from my father to God, my Heavenly Father.
The challenge for me is to demonstrate the legacy of respect for my husband that my parents gave to me. I hope to pass this legacy on to the next generation. That is the BEST gift ever!
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Holy Pregnancy

Being pregnant during the season of Christmas gives a fresh and poignant meaning to the Christmas story. 

Luke 2: 4-7  The Kings James Version says … ” And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David.  To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child.  And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.  And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.”

        And Mary, being great with child…   As far as being “great” with child, there are several meanings for the word “great”:

Great as in wonderful

Great as in large

Great as in significant.

I have felt all these meanings of “great” when I was pregnant, not necessarily at the same time or throughout my pregnancy.  We have two daughters who are currently pregnant. Each expressed to me last week that she was feeling “great” as in “large”. Each is also past the first trimester, so they are not experiencing that tired or queasy feeling any longer – they are also feeling “great” as in wonderful. One of these pregnancies was “planned” by the parents – one was not.

I say planned by the parents because I learned something from a friend years ago. The Bob Bryan family had three older children and a gap of about 17 years and then another child. People often asked if this late-in-life baby was planned. Bob would answer “Yes, this baby was planned from the foundations of the world.” What a true and meaningful response!

Each baby is planned by God as stated in Jeremiah – “I knew you when you were formed in your mother’s womb.” There are no “accidents” in God’s plan for each life.

Mary did not plan her pregnancy – in fact the timing was very problematic. It took a visit to Joseph by an angel to validate the legitimacy of Mary’s pregnancy. She was also near the end of her pregnancy when her husband said that they must travel to Bethlehem. Before prenatal visits and ultrasounds Mary did not know her “due date”. Yet, God had it all prepared according to His plan. He knew just when and where His Son would be born. He had angels ready to announce it to the shepherds and placed an extraordinarily bright star to shine over the birthplace. Even though there was no room in the Inn, God chose a place that has allowed people from every tongue and nation to identify with the lowly birth of the Lord of Lords and King of Kings – Jesus.

In Luke 1: 46 -49 –  Mary praises God for what the angel told her about her impending pregnancy.

“My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord;
My spirit rejoices in God my savior.
For he has looked upon his handmaid’s lowliness;
behold, from now on will all ages call me blessed.
The Mighty One has done great things for me, and holy is his name.”

As we celebrate this Christmas season, we can also celebrate the fact that each child we have is planned by God – through birth, adoption, or foster care. As Mary did, we praise God for the great things He has done, greatest of all sending His Son, Jesus.