Category Archives: Being a Wife

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What’s in a Name?

Abi and Dog

“We can’t name our baby after a dog!” Phil replied in an exasperated voice.

“But I named our first dog “Abigail” because it was my favorite name,” I explained.

Those of you who know our family know that our third daughter and fourth child has the beautiful name – Abigail.

By the time we had our third daughter, Phil’s resistance to the name had faded along with the memory of that first dog. She was a Bassett Hound that wandered into our lives, and then wandered out after we paid vet bills for shots and surgery to have her spayed.

I’ve never thought of our daughter being named after a dog.

The name ‘Abigail’ has a Hebrew origin and means ‘source of joy’. Our Abigail has certainly been a source of joy for our family and many others who know her. I recently read that Abigail and Hannah, (our first daughter’s name) have been among the most popular English female names for the past several years. The WEB sites on which I looked this information up varied slightly – but Abigail and Hannah were in the top 20 on all three lists.

When we chose those names, we thought we were being unique – little did we know.

Yet once you name a child something – the name begins to fit them – or does the child begin to fit the name?

God puts significant importance in names. He sometimes changed an individual’s name because of an important change in their life.

Abram became Abraham
Sarai became Sarah
Jacob became Israel
Saul became Paul

Jacob’s name change was the result of a struggle he had with God.

Genesis 32:24-29

24 So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. 25 When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. 26 Then the man said, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.”
But Jacob replied, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”
27 The man asked him, “What is your name?”
“Jacob,” he answered.
28 Then the man said, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome.”
29 Jacob said, “Please tell me your name.”
But he replied, “Why do you ask my name?” Then he blessed him there.

The part that impressed me in this passage was verse 28 – “you have struggled with God and with humans and have OVERCOME”. (emphasis mine)

God changed Jacob’s name to a name that meant “he struggles with God”.

I am encouraged by this passage because Jacob struggled and didn’t stop until he received a blessing. Jacob was even injured physically and limped afterwards because of this struggle – so much for us thinking that walking with God is a stroll through the park!

Many of us are struggling right now.

We may feel like we are in the midst of a wrestling match with one of our children, our spouse, our in-laws, a grandchild, or even God.

Hang in there! Don’t give up until you sense God’s blessing!

We will sense God’s blessing in our lives – not when we get what we want – but when we KNOW and trust that God is faithful to take on our struggle for us. He gave us His only son Jesus –

Philippians 2:8-11 (NLT)

8 He humbled himself in obedience to God
and died a criminal’s death on a cross.
9 Therefore, God elevated him to the place of highest honor
and gave him the name above all other names,
10 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
11 and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.

Amen!

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Our Best Christmas Tree

Tree with Lincoln

We couldn’t afford it, but I wanted a REAL Christmas tree. This was in 1980 and trees didn’t cost all that much. Yet we had only $15.00 in our checking account and a Christmas tree would not have provided food for our then three children.

Our bank balance was low for several reasons.
1- We had just closed on our first home, purchased for $35,000.
2- It was November and the furnace needed a “tune up” immediately so that took our $200 reserve fund.
3- We didn’t have much money to start with. I was staying home with our three children aged 3, 2, and 9 months old, so we were living on a library cataloger’s salary.

God had shown himself so faithful in the purchase of our house. He had provided all we needed and there was one more paycheck coming before the property taxes were due.

God had promised to supply all our needs according to his riches in glory and we had witnessed that, one bill at a time.

Christmas trees are not a need.

I knew this, yet I wanted a Christmas tree for our first Christmas in our first home of our own.

So, I told God how I felt. I wanted a Christmas tree, but if it was not to be, I asked God to change my heart about a desire for a tree.

It was a cold, dark night. We were driving back from a holiday dinner at a friend’s house who lived in Cashiers, a remote community higher in elevation farther up in the mountains.

Phil came around a curve and we saw something black and large lying in the road. He pulled our little VW bug over and stopped. There in the middle of the road was a big, BEAUTIFUL, Christmas tree!

It must have fallen off a truck hauling Christmas trees from the farms up the mountain. It was dark, no trucks around, nor any other cars. It was there just for us!

It was our Christmas tree – and much lovelier than one we would have purchased. Phil opened the trunk, which is in the front in a VW bug, put the tree part way in, and tied the trunk down as far as he could. He slowly drove the 18 miles home.

Did God provide that tree? Does God care about Christmas trees?

Some Christians I know and love feel that all the trappings of Christmas take away from it’s real meaning. These individuals choose to celebrate Jesus’s birth in simple ways. I respect that and honor their motivation.

I also know that receiving that Christmas tree during a time of financial need made me feel God’s love for me in a very personal way. I felt that my Heavenly Father heard me and answered the cry of my heart.

Why?

Because He loves me.

Was it a coincidence that the tree fell off the truck at that time? No other car could have passed by it without effort because the tree was smack in the middle of the narrow, winding road. It meant that the tree fell off and we were the first car to go by.

Maybe it was chance.

Yet it answered my prayer to the God of the universe who is my Heavenly Father.

Gifts often demonstrate love. Christmas is the time we celebrate God’s gift of his Son, Jesus.

John 3:16-17(NIV)

16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.

Every year when I put up our tree, I remember the best tree we ever had. More importantly I am reminded of my Heavenly Father who knows my heart and loves me.

Sometime I will tell you about the wreaths that fell off a truck.

PS – a great story to read to your children is – The Year of the Perfect Christmas Tree by Gloria Huston. It is a lovely story with a meaningful message.

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Want Joy? … then be Thankful!

Phil and Gayle

I was married in 1975 during Thanksgiving weekend. That event has brought immeasurable joy to my life. I appreciate that our anniversary often coincides with my favorite holiday – Thanksgiving. I attribute much of the blessing of our 38 years of marriage to the fact that we are thankful for each other – warts and all!

From the moment Phil and I made the committment “for better or for worse” the better has greatly outweighed the worse. I am thankful to be married to a man who loves me even though he has seen me at my worst, and the worst is not pretty.

Is our marriage perfect?

No.

Do I always FEEL love toward Phil, or FEEL loved by him?

No.

As in all human relationships, there are many variables.
* feelings
* health issues
* stress from family, work, friends
* broken promises
* unfulfilled expectations
At any point these variables could have resulted in a severed relationship. Phil and I are sinful, broken people saved from our selfness by the grace of God.

So if I feel gratitude for my marriage and the years we have shared together, to whom am I thankful?

I am thankful to God.

People who meet us as a couple for the first time have often asked “How did you two end up together?”
We could be the poster couple for “Opposites Attract”. It is quite obvious to those who know us that our relationship is the result of God’s presence in our lives and therefore our marriage.

We know other couples who started out committed to God and each other and yet their marriages have not survived. I don’t know the explanation of why some marriages end and others weather the storm.

I do know that I am thankful for my husband.

The things that bless me about Phil now are very different than they were 38 years ago. One thing I particularly appreciated about him was his red hair. Now it is almost entirely white. (mine gets grayer by the day)
But the most important quality has not changed – Phil’s committment to God and to me. I am so very thankful for that.

British writer and literary critic G.K.Chesterton said, “The test of all happiness is gratitude; and I felt grateful.” (from the book Defiant Joy, the Remarkable Life and Impact of G.K.Chesterton by Kevin Belmonte. p. 221) The defining quality of Chesterton’s life, as described by his contemporaries, was joy.

Thankfulness leads to joy.

If we cultivate thankfulness for our spouses we will experience joy in that relationship. That joy will spill over to bless our children, grandchildren, and others around us. One of the greatest gifts we can give our children is to love our spouse.

Paul’s prayer of thankfulness for his fellow Christians in Phillipi is an example of how we might feel and pray for our families.

Phillipians 1: 3-9

3 Every time I think of you, I give thanks to my God. 4 Whenever I pray, I make my requests for all of you with joy, 5 for you have been my partners in spreading the Good News about Christ from the time you first heard it until now. 6 And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.

7 So it is right that I should feel as I do about all of you, for you have a special place in my heart. You share with me the special favor of God, both in my imprisonment and in defending and confirming the truth of the Good News. 8 God knows how much I love you and long for you with the tender compassion of Christ Jesus.

9 I pray that your love will overflow more and more, and that you will keep on growing in knowledge and understanding. 10 For I want you to understand what really matters, so that you may live pure and blameless lives until the day of Christ’s return. 11 May you always be filled with the fruit of your salvation—the righteous character produced in your life by Jesus Christ[b]—for this will bring much glory and praise to God.
May God Bless us with thankful hearts.