Category Archives: Grandparenting

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Paralyzing Fear

Will he fall?

I was pregnant with our first child in 1977.  Phil was driving our 1974 VW bug, and we were traveling at night down a narrow, curving road from Cashiers to Cullowhee in the mountains of North Carolina. All of the sudden I was gripped with fear that we would crash. I cried out to Phil to slow down, almost hysterical with anxiety. He was mystified. We had traveled this same road dozens of times and I had never shown any concern with his driving. Phil is a very safe driver – he has never had a ticket nor an accident since he was 16 years old. (he did get a speeding ticket and had an accident soon after obtaining his driver’s license at 16 – it must have been a well learned lesson !) Yet my fear was very real and I could not reason it away. Was it because I was now a mother?

This past Wednesday we were driving to Hickory on Interstate 40 and a thunderstorm burst upon us with torrential rain. Again I was fearful of being involved in a car wreck. Fear seemed to come from nowhere and consume me.  I planned to write this post about fear and how it can paralyze our minds, preventing us from sensing God’s presence. I knew the negative power of fear, yet here I was  – feeling this fear, unable to ignore it. I know I will be in my Heavenly Father’s presence when I die – but I was still afraid.

Fear can come from many sources.

  • past experience – like a previous accident
  • harmful situations that happened to friends or acquaintances
  • the unknown
  • warnings from others, “there might be spiders/snakes/bugs in there!”
  • failure
  • future
  • real danger – this is healthy fear!

As mothers, we NEED to aware of possible danger that could harm our children. We don’t want them to play near the road, jump in water above their heads before they know how to swim, or jump off the top bunk onto sharp objects.

As a grandmother, my perception of possible danger is much more acute than it was as a parent. I think this may be a universal occurrence. I remember my mother not wanting our children (her grandchildren) to play in the woods because they might get poison ivy. I recall thinking – as a child myself I played in the woods for hours and my mother was not in the least concerned! Maybe it is the years of life experience – but grandmothers are much more cautious than mothers.

Healthy fear is positive – but what about those unhealthy fears that paralyze us? Those fears that prevent us from enjoying times with our family because something bad may happen, what do we do with those?

I want to share three ways to confront fear that MAY be helpful. Notice I said ‘MAY” be helpful. Just as there are many sources of fear – there is no “one size fits all” antidote for fear. These Bible verses have helped me overcome fear, I use them often.

  1.  Confront Your Fear  When a feeling of fear grips you – recognize it. Don’t suppress it or pretend that if you ignore it , it will go away. By naming the fear – even verbalizing that fear, you displace the unknown quality that can undermine your thoughts and feelings. When I told Phil I was afraid of driving in the thunderstorm, that fear lost some of its hold on me as soon as I identified it.  This verse helps when thoughts fill my mind that I know are not good.

2 Corinthians 10:5 (NIV) ” We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”

       2.  Recognize the cause of the Fear  Why am I fearful? Is the cause valid? What can I do about it? If the cause seems unfounded – that may not take the fear  away. You may know that a black snake is not poisonous, yet the sight of one still may cause fear. If the cause of my fear is something I cannot do anything about – then I must confess my fear to God and ask for His strength to overcome it.

              2 Timothy 1:5-9 (NLT)   ” 5 I remember your genuine faith, for you share the faith that first filled your grandmother Lois, and mother, Eunice.  And know that same faith continues strong in you. 6This is why I remind you to fan into flames the spiritual gift God gave you when I laid my hands on you.   7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.”

          3.  Pray – Confess God’s faithfulness through Scripture and Song   I quote Bible verses that build my faith, and I sing songs that encourage me.

“My hope is built on nothing less, then Jesus’ blood and righteousness….On Christ the SOLID ROCK I stand….”

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me… I can….I can….”

“When sorrows like sea billows roll……It is well with my soul.”

The LOUDER I sing, the more it builds my faith.  This may not be what helps you. Pray about what God will use to help you overcome fear. Fear is a common concern for us as mothers and grandmothers. Yet we can win this battle through the power of our Heavenly Father.

Please share ways that God has helped you overcome fear. These will be an encouragement to others.

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A New Creation

During this past two months we have been blessed with two new creations! One little boy, Caleb Benjamin,  and in just this past two weeks, a little girl, Adella Kathleen. I have flown to Washington State to be with this precious little girl and her three brothers.  One of the joys of Nanahood!

I’ve noticed that one of the first things we do when a new baby is born is compare that child to a family member. “Who does she look like?” “He has his daddy’s smile!” The comparisons seem never-ending , and in fact they are.

I am 60 years old. People STILL tell me how much I look like my mother! It started as soon as I was born – so I am told  – (unlike our son, I don’t remember my actual birth – he claims he does) and continues, to this day. Once in my life someone told me I looked like my father. I politely asked this individual if they had ever met my mother – they had not.

As soon as our first daughter was born, Phil called my mother and announced “Now there are three of you.” Bless their hearts, two of our daughters live with the stigma of favoring their mother in appearance. A friend of mine asked my mother one day if any of our daughters reminded her of me. Without hesitation she replied “Oh, no. They are much prettier than Gayle ever was.” (Some of you are feeling horror at this moment – don’t  – Mother was right)

The fact remains that it is in our nature to compare children and their appearance to relatives we feel they favor, sometimes even ancient ancestors. “Great-great Uncle Reuben had ears just like those!”  These innocent little babies are tagged from the start. Yet to be fair there are certainly family characteristics that are in our DNA . My parents moved near us following  7 years of living in Taiwan. After hearing my mother speak,  people in stores and businesses would ask her if she knew Gayle Woody – our voices sound that similar.

I love the verses in  2 Corinthians 5:17-20  – New Living Translation (NLT)

17 This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!

18 And all of this is a gift from God, who brought us back to Himself through Christ. And God has given us this task of reconciling people to Him. 19 For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to Himself, no longer counting people’s sins against them. And He gave us this wonderful message of reconciliation. 20 So we are Christ’s ambassadors; God is making His appeal through us. We speak for Christ when we plead, “Come back to God!”

Just as each baby born is a new creation with a unique DNA, when we become Christians, we become new creations as well. “The old life is gone; a new life has begun!”

We look at these new-born children and think of the great potential each has. Our heavenly Father looks at us and does the same thing! What a blessing to know God as Father. As loving parents, we make every effort possible to help our children to reach their full potential. God does that with us well. God has given us the Holy Spirit to equip us to be His hands and feet wherever we are. Just as our family has hopes and dreams for Caleb and Adella, God has those hopes and dreams for us who are His children. We are so blessed to be part of God’s family.

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Dreams

 

This past week, Phil and I attended a promotion assembly at our oldest granddaughter’s school. She has completed 1st grade and was promoted to 2nd grade. Two things stood out to me in particular at the assembly. First, the ethnic/racial mix of the students and therefore the audience of family members was very diverse. The names that were called out reflected this diversity as well. I was so pleased to see this variety –  this is the real world in which our grandchildren are growing up. The various children our granddaughter has as classmates and friends will allow her to appreciate and know from an early age that as humans, we have much more in common than the differences of our hair texture, skin color, or the shape of our eyes. “Red, brown, yellow, black, and white , they’re ALL precious in His sight…..” All children have the potential to dream. 

The second thing that blessed me was the song all five classes of 1st Graders sang together. It was called “Dreams” and the words the children sang told about the dreams each of them had for their futures. Their lives lay ahead of them and there is so much they dream of doing. Having bright hopes for the future is an important part of healthy child development. Wanting to be a fireman, nurse, or a cowboy gives a child a vision for their future and it also makes going to school purposeful. (Does anyone know what degree a cowgirl needs?) If a child has no dreams for their future, they will not have hope.

Each milestone a child reaches is worthy of celebration. I was pleased that this promotion to 2nd grade was low-key – just a song and calling out each child’s name. Yet it says to the child – “you have completed something and we are proud of you.” Their dreams may seem unrealistic or even silly at this stage in their lives, yet those dreams give children a hope for their future. I can tell when one of my high school students has no dream for their future – they are apathetic, disengaged, and unhappy.

Phil and I went on a hike Saturday with dear friends to Pinnacle Peak. This is a strenuous trail that climbs steeply up to the peak and the reward is a spectacular view of the county in which we live. While hiking our friends mentioned that their son has told their five-year old grandson that when he is 16, his dad will take him on a hike to a mountain peak in Yosemite National Park. Their grandson talks about this and is looking forward to this “milestone”. It struck me how wonderful this dream is for this little boy! He is looking forward to doing something that is very special, it involves his dad, it is “healthy” on several levels, and it is something that he will always see as a significant accomplishment.

God has dreams for us as well –

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

 Psalm 40:5 (NIV)

5 Many, Lord my God,
    are the wonders you have done,
    the things you planned for us.
None can compare with you;
    were I to speak and tell of your deeds,
    they would be too many to declare.

The dreams God has for our children and grandchildren are beyond compare. It will be a wonderful challenge to seek God’s direction and allow God to use us in fulfilling HIS dreams in these precious children’s lives.