Category Archives: Parenting

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Swords – Ready for Battle

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One of our daughters and son-in-law like to spread out gift giving with their four young children. They will open one present per child (or a group present, such as a game) one day at a time. There are several reasons they do this and one is so that each gift can be enjoyed by itself for a time. After participating in this celebration for several days last week, I saw that there was certainly merit in this approach.

It also led to one of the funniest gift opening situations I have witnessed in my 61 years. This particular evening after a lovely meal and story time, the three boys, aged 5, 3, and 2 were told to put on their pajamas and they would be able to open a present together. There was a rush upstairs to change and as they returned to the living room in front of the tree, a single, long, rectangular present lay wrapped and waiting.

The boys were told to open it together. Without hesitation – they tore the wrapping paper off and opened the box. I only wish I had a video of what happened next! They took the top off and inside were three styrofoam swords. There was a brief moment of recognition….and instantly each grabbed a sword and began “sword fighting” with their brothers. They really went at it! All three knew exactly what to do with their swords and they even had accompanying sound effects… ARGGHH!  I couldn’t stop laughing! Little boys love swords. These swords were from the Dollar Tree and may not last long, but they were a big hit. No one was injured and sword fights continued to break out the rest of our visit. Nana even engaged in some sparring herself!

Now I must confess that we avoided buying any guns or weapons when our children were little. We did not want to encourage aggressive behavior. Yet, it didn’t take long for them to find sticks, pieces of wood, and discarded cardboard from which to fashion a weapon. They even used dried stalks from Joe Pie weeds to “sword fight”.

It struck me how naturally these little boys took to their swords and were ready to fight imaginary battles with each other. It also led me to reflect on the real battles they will face throughout life. How can we prepare these little ones to face real battles? What will they do when they are faced with pressure to cheat or steal? What if they are challenged to pick on someone? How can we make sure that they will respond instantly  – and make the right choice?

Hebrews 4:11

12 For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.

This Bible verse draws an important analogy – God’s Word is the Sword of the Spirit.  If our children know God’s Word – if they memorize Bible verses and learn principles from Bible stories – these will equip them to respond to real life battles in positive ways. Joseph, Daniel, Esther, and Mary all responded to difficult situations and came out victorious. These people are great examples for our children since these people faced real life challenges.

Resolve this year to help your children be equipped with God’s Word.

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At a Loss for Words

“There are no words to describe the horror of the last few hours…..” “I don’t have any words to describe…..” Phrases like these were repeated over and over as individuals tried to communicate their reactions to the devastating shooting that took place Friday at an elementary school in Connecticut. Yet, as my husband pointed out – these people kept talking. They were saying they “had no words”, yet they kept using words.

I realized – it wasn’t that they didn’t have any words – it was that they didn’t have the right words.

We have all been in that place of experiencing something and being at a loss for words. Our ability to communicate thoughts and feelings sets us apart from the rest of the animal kingdom. Many species can share information, but we have the ability to synthesize information and therefore communicate on a deeper level. Until our vocabulary lets us down. There was nothing to say – words were inadequate to express the pain of that loss.

Are there “right words” at such a time? The death of a loved one, a miscarriage, a critical illness, all these are situations that make us want to offer words of solace and hope. Yet it may be that there are no “right” words at these times.

I remember entering the home of my life-long friend after a terrible accident that claimed the life of her 18 month old son. I had no words. I fell into her arms and we hugged and cried. There were no “right” words – we wept and held on to each other, then sat holding hands – just needing to be in touch. I went home that night to my precious 18th month old daughter. My friend and her husband were left overwhelmed by the aching absence of their little son. All I had to offer at that time was my love demonstrated by my presence.

“God will work all things for good…..” “God is in control.” “God’s love will comfort you”. These are truthful statements – yet they are not comforting in light of the reality of the loss. They instead cause questions to arise – if God is in control – why did He allow my child to die? Wasn’t it “good” to have my child here with me? I wouldn’t need comfort if my child was still here!

Clichés and “pat answers” are not words that help when facing grief and suffering. I have had friends tell me that the most beneficial support was being there – not any words that were said.

The right words may be needed later – but expressing loving support through one’s presence and prayer is more valuable initially.

We do need to listen to one another. Many of us process situations by expressing verbally what we think and feel. Listening to those who are grieving provides an outlet for their grief and also a chance to remember the loved one who is gone.

Ecclesiastes 3:1

1There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:

4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

7 a time to be silent and a time to speak,

We don’t need to be so concerned about having the right words as being the loving support God wants us to be. May we recognize when to be silent and when to speak.

I follow a blog by Ruth Rutherford. This poem she wrote touched me – these were the right words for me at this time. – check it out – http://ruthrutherford.wordpress.com/2012/12/16/when-sunlight-fades-lord-have-mercy/

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A Lesson From Legos

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Children learn best while playing. This is not an earthshaking revelation for any observant parent. Children will begin sorting toys by type thus learning to differentiate at an early age. With little boys, this sorting is often “good guys” and “bad guys” while with little girls it is sometimes “babies” and “mommies”. Recent brain research verifies that information “sticks” when there is meaning and significance tied to new information. Children at play make meaning and significance for themselves, often displaying amazing imagination. I love to hear the descriptions our grandchildren use while playing outside at our house. We have an old spring house that Phil made into a play house. A little creek runs next to it – in the old days it ran through the spring house – and the children will prepare “food.” The specialties are soup (mud and water), cupcakes (hickory nut shells), and cereal (pieces of gravel). This play loosely mimics the sequencing of the cooking they see at home – YUM! Children will make a toy from anything.

Legos are an especially imaginative toy to play with. Our granddaughters have recently become very fond of the Lord of the Rings stories and were given a Lego set of the main characters in this J.R.R.Tolkien classic. They play by acting out the stories from the books and make up new stories as they play. Legos are so versatile and interchange from one set to the next. There are Lego sets for just about any interest a child has. Children will combine these sets and form completely new situations and settings with their play.

A guest speaker at our Fellowship yesterday made a meaningful point about Legos. He pointed out that there is something that all Legos have in common. They all have the ability to connect with other Legos. In thinking about this, I realized that there is an important lesson that we can all take away from playing with Legos. We can learn something from play just as our children do.

Connecting with one another makes each of us more significant.

One Lego by itself may be colorful, and even nice to look at, but by itself it is not much fun to play with. When it is connected to other Legos, it has much more use. The character Legos are made up of parts that fit together and can be changed to “re-form” a completely different figure. Yet the head by itself, or the legs all alone are not very engaging. Only when the parts are connected do they become what they were created to be. Even when using plain Legos, the more they are connected, the more significant the result. Blocks built up that don’t have those connectors like Legos are easily knocked down. It takes an effort to destroy a Lego structure!

This is a lesson for families. Each family member is unique and valuable – but when we are connected to one another as a family, we become more significant, more useful, and more COMPLETE!  As I see our grandchildren grow and see them relate to their siblings in positive ways, I see the blessing it is that they have each other as sisters and/or brothers. They learn that being loved and having someone to love  – connect with – enriches their lives beyond measure.

There may be times when we don’t want to connect as families. We need to remind ourselves and our children that God has purposes for placing us in families. Our strength as a family comes from our CONNECTIONS. As parents and grandparents we are building connections with these children that will help them grow as God’s children.

1 Corinthians 3:9-11 (NIV)

9 For we are co-workers in God’s service; you are God’s field, God’s building.

10 By the grace God has given me, I laid a foundation as a wise builder, and someone else is building on it. But each one should build with care. 11 For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ.

Sometime when your children are building with Legos, tell them about the connections God has made in your family.

Next week we will look at Lesson II from Legos – Building the Church.