Category Archives: Play

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Summertime!

I still remember the sense of freedom that I felt when school was finished for the year. A whole summer of possibilities lay ahead! These are some of the most endearing memories of my childhood – the times of playing in the creek, piling rocks to dam the Oconolufte  Creek up so we could swim. Building “forts” (my brother Gregg was especially good at this!) with old boards and whatever was lying around in the woods so we could have adventures. We went tubing and threw rocks in the river trying to “skip” them like our father did. We attended Bible School at the Cherokee Baptist Church and made new friends.

All these memories revolve around being in the mountains of North Carolina. My summers as a child were idyllic and I treasure these memories.

Then I married a mountain man and our four children were able to enjoy many of these same activities as children. Each would probably list different things that they enjoyed most about summer, yet I know that they all loved this season and the chance to be “free” from the schedule of school.

We would often meet our family friends at the library for the Summer Reading Program and afterwards eat a picnic lunch in the park. We would plan “Fridays at Deep Creek” where the older kids could tube down the river and the younger ones could play in the shallows with round river rocks. We mothers could visit and supervise the little ones, getting the social interaction with adults that we needed.

Summer also involved chores in the garden. Once when our children were small, someone asked our third child if she was looking forward to summer. Her expression saddened and she replied, “NO, I have to weed the garden”. My heart sank as I heard this. I did not want her memories of summer to be sad ones! We still gave our children chores, but I made sure that they realized that the chores were done first, so they could play, swim, and be with their friends afterwards.

I have sometimes heard mothers of young school children lament the fact that school is almost over  – that summer break was about to start. These mothers are not looking forward to having their children home with them. They see their children’s freedom as interfering with their freedom. This is an attitude that pervades our culture. The attitude that children are a burden and need to be “managed” with as little interference in the parents’ lives as possible. How tragic! These parents are missing out on a wonderful opportunity to build memories that last a lifetime. These years when our children are young and at home go so quickly. (I remember thinking, “yeah, sure” when I was in the middle of those years) Looking back – they did fly by.

Mark 9:36-38 (NIV)

36 He took a little child whom he placed among them. Taking the child in his arms, he said to them, 37 “Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me does not welcome me but the One who sent me.” 

When we put time with our children ahead of our own desires, we are following the example of Jesus. He placed a high value on children. As parents and grandparents we are able to maximize our children’s summer. Young ones will not choose the best activities on their own. We must plan and guide them, considering their preferences such as swimming, playing ball, creating art, building forts, even just playing with favorite toys.

Limiting screen time is important, even more important in the summer. Children learn creativity, problem solving, and build their imaginations while playing. Screen time is usually passive entertainment and is counter productive. Active play helps children develop physically, mentally, and socially.

Have a wonderful, blessed summer building positive memories!!

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Making Messes

I was reminded again this week that a transformation takes place when you become a grandmother. Now I must be totally honest and upfront by acknowledging that messes have never bothered me very much. Yet, I can honestly say that they bother me even less now that I am a grandmother! I realize the main reason for this is that I don’t have to live with the mess, after the grandchildren return home, I can pick up at my leisure. I also admit that as an artist, it takes a mess to create so I am used to messes.  That is true with sewing and cooking as well, messes are the by-product of these endeavors.

One of the lovely young mothers in our community shared the following incident that illustrates making a mess.

My dear friends,

I just walked in the door from Moms Night Out with you! I walk in to see my mom sweeping up powdered sugar. My mom proceeds to tell me that while she was putting #2 to bed #1 decided to play like she was cooking.  Too bad she didn’t use her play kitchen. Too bad she used real ingredients! She had decided to cut an apple, put it in a cupcake holder,(no pan) sprinkle it with powdered sugar and was fixing to put it in the oven. I know you can imagine the mess. Thankfully she can’t turn the oven on yet!

Oh the joys!

It was a joy to this little girl! The issue of making messes is not “cut and dried”. We don’t want our children wasting cooking ingredients or endangering themselves and others.  Yet there is a time and place to make a mess – maybe it’s with a grandmother! There is also a time to have things clean and neat  – free from mess. A word of warning – beware of your method for achieving neatness – it may follow you in infamy as happened to me.

ONE TIME, I wanted to let the kitchen floor dry after mopping it. So, ONE TIME I asked our 4 children to play outside and not come inside until the floor was dry. To ensure that they followed my instructions,  I locked the doors, ONE TIME.

Of course, after two minutes they needed to use the bathroom, get a drink, every excuse imaginable to get in the house! These were the same 4 children who were nowhere to be found at meal time or bed time, no, they never wanted to come in the house then!

To this day, our children love to tell about their mother who locked them out of the house and wouldn’t let them in – like it happened all the time!

Looking back I realize that a clean floor is not all that important. Erma Bombeck once said that she was amazed when she mopped her kitchen floor after everyone went to bed and when she got up in the morning – it was still clean! My mother once told me not to worry about messes because before I knew it the children would be gone and then there wouldn’t be anyone around to make a mess. She was right. (except I am still here making messes)

Jesus addressed this issue in Luke 10:38-42

 38 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39 She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. 40But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”   41 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”  
This Scripture does not address messes specifically, but it does speak to the issue of what is really important. Jesus was pleased that Mary had chosen to spend time with Him, listening at His feet. Jesus did not regard the preparations Martha made as valuable in comparison to the time spent with Him.

Preparing meals, making cards, painting pictures, all these tasks make messes. They also can be completed more quickly and neatly by ourselves. Yet making the extra effort to include our children and grandchildren in these messes builds a relationship. That is what Jesus  wanted with Mary and Martha. That is an example for us as well.

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“You’re Not the Boss of Me”

Our pastor told a story in his sermon yesterday entitled “You’re not the Boss of Me” and it immediately brought back memories from my childhood. I’m sure it does for you as well – unless you are an only child.  As a middle child, I was bossed by my older brother and lorded over my younger brother.  I made Gregg play with me and told him exactly what to do. I was like Lucy from the comic strip Peanuts and treated my little brother like Lucy treated Linus. Poor Gregg! I cut his hair, dressed him up, and made him do homework at 4 years old because he was my student when I began my teaching career at 5 years old. (we are 13 months apart in age and I always knew I wanted to be a teacher) When I graduated from high school,  Mrs. Frost, my 1st grade Sunday School teacher,  sent me a note recounting the Sunday I brought a flannel graph story left over from my mother’s Vacation Bible School class. I announced that I would teach the Sunday School lesson that week. Mrs. Frost said I was well prepared and confident in my ability to teach. We bossy types are like that.

Siblings have a pecking order and it is often set at birth. That does not mean the pecking order is established by birth order – it is more often determined by personality. Our 3rd child often was the boss because she knew what she wanted!  Her siblings were generally more easygoing and didn’t care most of the time. Yet, when they did care, we heard those words – “You’re not the boss of me!”

These sibling relationships are a normal part of family life and part of the way children learn to problem solve. It is a chance for siblings to practice those essential life long skills like give and take, taking turns, negotiating for what one wants, and respect of the needs and wants of others.

If one child is extremely bossy, it does need to be addressed by parents. A child who is in charge at home will develop patterns of behavior that will be problematic when they begin school and there is a TEACHER! It also can be detrimental to those children who are being bossed. They may not be able to assert themselves and may start to believe their opinions or choices don’t matter. This can be very hurtful to healthy personality development.

The most important aspect of this issue is that there should be a boss (or bosses) at home – the parents. Someone will be in charge by default,  and if the parents do not take authority – one of the children will.  Children are more secure when parents take the proper authority and protect the children from each other and themselves. Learning to respect the parents as their boss  will prepare children to respect those in authority throughout their lives. The students I see who have the most difficult time in school are those who do not respect authority. Those students are also the most unhappy.

Children who learn that their parents exert their authority with love and care for their children’s best interests will also learn to trust God as a loving authority. Parents must often say “no” to their children for their own good. God will say “no” to us for a greater good – one we may not realize at the time, just as our children don’t understand a parent’s “no”. God wanted us to understand authority and did that by giving Jesus ALL authority. The following verses illustrate that truth. (I added “boss”)

Colossians 1:16-20 (NIV)

16 For in Him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through Him and for Him. 17 He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together. 18 And He is the head  (boss) of the Body, the church; He is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything He might have the supremacy. 19 For God was pleased to have all His fullness dwell in Him, 20 and through Him to reconcile to Himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through His blood, shed on the cross.
Don’t be afraid as parents to be the “boss” and live out Godly authority before your children. Our hope as Christian parents is that our children will transfer our authority in their lives over to God’s authority and never say to God – “You’re not my boss”.