Why? – again.

"Why is Jackson Simmons so tall?"

“Why is Jackson Simmons so tall?”

We had visitors this weekend – the Hardy boys. There was a recurring theme throughout the visit.

“Why?”

I looked back in the archives and found this post from April, 2012.

“Why?”

At that time, the oldest Hardy boy was 3 – now the youngest is almost 3, and the twins are 4. When they were questioning their mother about directions she had given them – like “it’s time to get ready for bed” or “eat the rest of your beans before you get more grapes” she kept reminding them that she was their mother – they needed to obey.

Even thought their mother is very attentive to their questions about why things work, or why animals do certain things, or why it is important to be careful around other people’s dogs, etc. – she wants the boys to obey her even when they don’t understand “why?”.

Their mother wants them to TRUST her because she loves them and has their best interest at heart. She is asking them to obey for their own good.

Isn’t that what God requires of us? We don’t always understand what God is allowing to happen in our lives. We want to ask “why?” and perhaps we do ask “why?” – but we may not get an answer.

Just like an earthly parent – God wants us to TRUST Him because He loves us and has our best interest at heart. God is asking us to obey for our own good.

The earlier post went on to say –

“The 3-year-old is in that stage of asking “Why?” in response to all requests, comments, and random statements. At first, it is engaging to answer the “whys” of life. “Why?” do we wear socks with shoes? To prevent blisters. “Why?” is it nap time? This question has various answers – it is time, you are tired, mom is tired, or any other response deemed appropriate at the time. “Why?” when told to stay in his bed, because there is not room in the crib with your twin brothers.

After answering hundreds of questions, Nana does get tired of thinking about the answers to the meaning of life and all it involves. Yet, as a teacher, I know that these questions and answers are important and will form the basis of our grandson’s world view. Recent research in brain development shows that at around three years old there is a great growth in synapses in the brain, and that if they are not used during this formative time, those synapses are pruned. Just as a gardener prunes off useless branches, God has fashioned our brain to do likewise.

God does not always answer us right away. God is not governed by our time-table or our sense of “needing to know”. In fact, He says in I Corinthians 13: 8-13

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

God lets us know that while we are part of this human experience, we will not understand everything. (see italicized above) We do have the hope of coming into full knowledge when we are face to face with God.

What an awesome expectation!

So, until then, I will continue answering some of my grandchildren’s questions. I will also endeavor to share with them that sometimes there is no answer for “why?”. We must learn to TRUST with patience and love…..for the greatest of these is love.

Building Foundations

Amos building

I have had the blessing of having our twin grandsons – aged 4  – the past few days at our house. I got some Lincoln Logs down from the attic yesterday and we have been building cabins for each of the boys and for various Little People.

I like to build. I like to have all the pieces fit and the roof stay on even when “people” are going in and out. I also like the various shades of these old Lincoln Logs to match.

I know, that is way over the top! The boys could care less about the log color – but I did find out they care about the roof color!

We used all the longer log sections and ended up with four buildings and a “stable” for the horses.  There were bunches of singlets left. You know – those log pieces with just one slot. These are important for building windows and doors, but our Lincoln Logs are parts of three yard sale sets and there are LOTS of singlets.

One of the boys tried to build these little logs into towers – but the most he could stack that would stay up independently were three. There was not enough of a foundation to hold any more logs.

Tyler building

Relationships are like building with Lincoln Logs. You need a good foundation to have a secure structure –  a structure that will withstand the pressure of use.

The time to start building the secure foundation in a relationship begins with the birth of a child.

Some parents and grandparents think that they will have plenty of time to build that relationship when the child is older and ready to;

  • really communicate
  • spend time doing the things the adult enjoys
  • is able to take care of their own physical needs

in other words – ceases being a child!

That will be TOO LATE.

Children will build the foundation of meaningful relationships with others if the parents don’t take the time to do so. I have heard many adults lament the fact that their children or grandchildren never want to spend time with them as teenagers or young adults.

Did those adults spend time building the foundation of a good relationship early on when the child was young?

Children will go through times of rebellion.

It is natural for children to pull away from the adults in their lives as they grow older. Yet if there is a strong foundation  – a bridge of respect will allow the child and the parent or grandparent to bear the weight of that challenge to the relationship.

I heard this Scripture shared yesterday as a key to building respectful relationships with our children.

1 Thessalonians 2:10-12 (NIV)

10 You are witnesses, and so is God,  of how holy, righteous and blameless we were among you who believed. 11 For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, 12 encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory.

Those three words from verse 12 hold a key to building a secure foundation in our relationships with our children and grandchildren.

  • encouraging
  • comforting
  • and urging them to live lives worthy of God

Notice it does not say –

  • nagging
  • criticizing
  • listing the child’s mistakes

May we all take the time and effort needed – with God’s grace – to build those strong foundations based on the LOVE and GRACE that our Heavenly Father has so lavishly shared with us!

 

 

Lost

“Adahlyn, pray that Nana will find our way home.”

“Are you lost, Nana?”

“Yes, will you pray with me?”

As I looked in the rear view mirror at the little toddler in her car seat, I realized how having my granddaughter in the car made being lost so much more serious than if it was just me.

I prayed out loud for God to give me direction. After praying I asked Adahlyn if she was afraid.

“No, Nana. You will find the way.”

Thinking about her faith makes me smile. Oh, the bliss of ignorance! If she only knew how terrible my sense of direction is. ( read “No Sense of Direction”) Yet I am thankful she didn’t. I had taken Adahlyn to the store because her parents were in the hospital for the birth of a new little sister. I thought I would pick up a few things at the store and I didn’t want to bother my daughter and son-in-law with asking directions –  they were VERY busy.

I drove a bit further and saw on the horizon the cross on the steeple of the church our younger daughter and her family attend. Adahlyn lives just four blocks away. I could see my way to her home!

“Adahlyn, I see the cross on the steeple – I know which way to go now. God answered our prayer.”

The cross was my marker of the right direction in which to go.

One of our coaches shared with the students at FCA Friday. He talked about what to do when we feel lost. He said we should look for a way to get back on the right path. We often think, ‘Well, I’ll just go a bit further and see where this leads….’

So dangerous!

As soon as we recognize we are lost in life we need to pray and ask for direction. Those feelings of being lost in our lives come from several causes including:

  • we don’t have our destination in sight, our ultimate goal
  • we have lost our direction – gotten confused about which way to go to get to our goal
  • we have gotten on the wrong path leading the wrong way
  • a “shortcut” looks like a good alternative
  • we are distracted by what we see along the way (very scary!)

When I was lost driving my granddaughter, I felt so responsible  – she was lost, too, all because of me!

As a parent and grandparent the path I choose will take others along with me. If I am lost – they will be lost as well.

Psalm 119 says much about staying on the right path. A few of these verses are;

9 How can a young person stay on the path of purity?
By living according to your word.
10 I seek you with all my heart;
do not let me stray from your commands.
11 I have hidden your word in my heart
that I might not sin against you.

105 Your word is a lamp for my feet,
a light on my path.
133 Direct my footsteps according to your word;
let no sin rule over me.

Lord, may we recognize when we are lost.

We certainly don’t want those little ones who are following us to be led down the wrong path.

Thank you, Lord, that your cross leads the way.