Tag Archives: Christian parenting

by

It’s Only a Game

me chicago1

…or is it?

While watching the NCAA tournament last evening, I was on a roller coaster of emotions along with the rest of the fans watching.

If you were not on that roller coaster, you either did not care about the results of the game or were not a fan of either team.

At the end, one team is elated with victory…

the other is crushed with defeat.

That is just the way it is. One team wins. One team loses. If there was no disappointment in defeat, then the victory would not be as sweet because it just really wouldn’t matter who won.

It is only a game, after all.

Or is it?

The outcome does matter a WHOLE LOT to the

  • team
  • coaches
  • parents
  • family members
  •  school
  • real fans
  • alumni

Watching the seniors on the losing team is heartbreaking. I couldn’t help but feel for the family members and loved ones who care about those young men. This was the NCAA tournament after all.

It is the big time – a once-in-a-life-time experience.

I remember being in Columbus, Ohio in 2002 for the final four of the NCAA Division III Women’s soccer tournament. Our daughter, Abigail was playing for Wheaton College and their team was facing Amherst College for the semi-final game. The score was tied at 1-1 when time ran out. After 2 scoreless over time periods, the game went to penalty kicks.

What an awful way to end a tournament game, a season, and for the seniors, their career!!

Wheaton lost in penalty kicks.

I have abhorred penalty kicks ever since!

The team was heartbroken. They had played an amazing season to get to that point – the final four – but that was no consolation at that moment.

Neither was the fact that it was only a game.

It was not brain surgery, no lives were lost, but it was NOT the outcome that the team had worked so hard for all season. Only time and distance would assuage their pain.

Do our children and grandchildren feel any less pain when they lose their hard-fought athletic contests?

As adults we realize there is a vast difference between a youth league tournament and the NCAA tournament. Yet to a child, their game is a big as it gets.

How can we help children keep their games in perspective and also help them handle the disappointment of defeat?

The following are some suggestions that I have gleaned from 35 years of watching children and now grandchildren participate in athletic events –

  • remember it is a game, it should be fun
  • do not try to relive your athletic past (or lack thereof ) through your child
  • encourage them with positive comments
  • cheer for their teammates as well as your child
  • when your child loses,  and it WILL happen, let them grieve appropriately
  • moderate tears are appropriate, wailing not so much

Try to avoid the following if at all possible –

  • yelling instructions to your child while a game is in progress (if they do hear you, what you yell may be different than the coach’s instructions)
  • yelling at the coach
  • yelling at your child’s team members
  • yelling at the officials
  • ok, avoid ALL yelling
  • criticizing the coach, especially in front of your child
  • demanding more playing time or a certain position for your child
  • make excuses or blame others for the lack of ability your child has

Children will take their cues from the adults in their lives, especially their parents, on how to respond in situations following a game. If we act with positive sportsmanship and grace following defeats or victories, our children will learn to do the same.

Colossians 3:23-25 E(ESV)

23 Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, 24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.

Whatever our children are doing, whether it is helping at home, playing with siblings, playing with friends, learning at school, whatever they do,

if it is only playing a game,

we can help them understand that they honor and serve God by doing their best…

win or lose.

 

 

 

 

 

 

by

The Right Time

Gandalf 2

“He is NOT cute any more!”

Now wait a minute…..

this is my grandson you are talking about…..

…the one who dresses up as Gandolf, Batman, and Bob the Minion (my personal favorite)

Our daughter called to tell me our three-year-old grandson was no longer cute. He had expended all his allotted “cuteness quotient” and his behavior was no longer entertaining.

It was annoying.

His time had come.

He would now be held accountable for his behavior.

My friend, Alice Marie and I were talking about this and she mentioned that her little sister used to get her in trouble on purpose when they were young. Their father would threaten to spank Alice Marie if her little sister cried. It had to be Alice Marie’s fault since she was the oldest and knew better, right?

Her little sister would say “Me gonna scream, Daddy spank YOU!” when she wanted to have her own way.

Evidently, I did something similar to my older brother. I had polio when I was two years old. After being treated in isolation  and released from the hospital, I was weak and had to have physical therapy to regain strength and function in my muscles. It was a difficult time for our family, and I must have started to take advantage of all the attention.

My mother asked the doctor how long I should be coddled and favored. The doctor told mother that each child was different, but that she would know when to return to treating me normally.

A few days later, mother said she came down the stairs to hear me say to my older brother – “You have to give me that toy because I had polio, you know!”

The time had come.

I was no longer the sick child who needed extra attention.

I was held accountable for my actions. Polio was no longer an excuse for bad behavior.

It is natural for us as parents and grandparents to require more from the older children and spoil the younger ones.

This is not fair, nor is it healthy for any of the children. I need to guard against giving in just because they are “cute”.

I remember Jay Fesperman teaching us as new parents – “What is cute at 5 years old is NOT cute at 15 years old. When do you want to deal with it? When your child is 5 or 15?”

Such words of wisdom.

There is a right time to hold our children accountable for their behavior and allow them to suffer the consequences when they disobey. They don’t finish their supper – they don’t get dessert, or snacks after supper. They throw their toys inside the house – those toys are put away for a week.

If one of our children is suffering, we are especially vulnerable to giving in to them. Sometimes they know this and take advantage of our weakness. But we are sending a very wrong message when we do that which is – “Just act hurt and you won’t have to obey, or follow through, or clean up. etc.”

We want to be sensitive to the right time to offer extra help or give our children grace for messing up. Doesn’t our Heavenly Father do that for us?

We need God’s wisdom to know when the “right time” occurs to hold our children accountable.

James 1:5 (ESV)

5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.

We must utilize this wonderful promise from God’s Word!

I need to pray for wisdom from God each and every day as I parent and grandparent.

God will show us the right time.

God is faithful.

 

 

 

 

by

The One Thing

image
Ever hear of the sisters, Mary and Martha?

They were friends of Jesus and also among those who followed Jesus and listened to his teaching. Biblical scholars believe that Martha was probably an affluent widow. She also practiced hospitality.

When she invited Jesus to her home – she had to be ready for a crowd – his entourage came with him.

The Bible says she was encumbered or stressed by serving.

Luke 10:38-42

38 As Jesus and the disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem, they came to a certain village where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. 39 Her sister, Mary, sat at the Lord’s feet, listening to what he taught. 40 But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. She came to Jesus and said, “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.”

41 But the Lord said to her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! 42 There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.

So she does what most of us women do when stressed – she complains.

She goes right to Jesus!

She attempts to get Jesus to agree with her – “I’m doing all the work – shouldn’t Mary help?

God does not necessarily agree with the cause of our distress – we might think it is –

  • My mother-in-law
  • My child who refuses to potty train
  • My boss who doesn’t seem to understand that I have children
  • My adult child who doesn’t call me
  • My messy house

Jesus does care – just not about the same thing that is bothering Martha.

Mary chose the “good part” – that was The one thing worth being concerned about – which certainly meant what Mary made her choice to do—sitting at Christ’s feet, to hear his word.

So, does Jesus not want to eat, you may ask? Don’t we have to attend to the needs of our families, especially when there are little ones that depend on our care for their very survival?

Of course. The Bible is clear in teaching that we have responsibilities to fulfill and it is godly to do so.

Yet, are we so busy that we neglect the “One Thing” that feeds our souls?

“Martha’s care and work were good in their proper season and place; but now she had something else to do, which was unspeakably more needful, and therefore should be done first, and most minded.” (Matthew Henry’s Commentary)

I had the privilege of participating this weekend in a women’s retreat sponsored by a local church, yet including ladies from various congregations. It was a precious time of fellowship, worship and teaching.

It was a time to focus on the One Thing – sitting at Jesus feet.

God was faithful to meet us and His presence was evident as we shared together.

I am so thankful that I was able to be like Mary this weekend  – sitting at Jesus feet.