Tag Archives: Christian parenting

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Family Ministry

lunch

“Hurry and pick up those toys!”

“No, you can’t play outside right now, someone is coming for lunch!”

“I said we would make cookies later. Put the books back on the shelf.”

Even as I write those words, I feel shame at the message I was communicating to my children – they were not important – but the person coming for lunch was.

This was back in 1984. Phil was serving as a campus minister and I was staying home with four small children. One day a young college girl asked if I could meet with her for prayer. I was THRILLED! We talked about her schedule and it seemed the only time that she could meet was lunch since she had classes and a part time job. We planned to meet the next week on Monday for lunch.

I enjoyed it so much! I was ministering to this young woman, sharing from the vast wisdom I had accumulated in my 33 years. I felt so good afterwards. I was serving God. I was meeting a need in this young woman’s life. Soon I invited another college girl to meet with me each Tuesday during lunch. Not long after, I invited a student who was a single mother to meet for lunch on Wednesdays. Finally, I invited a woman who was a graduate student to have lunch each Thursday. She was close to my age, a single mother with a daughter the age of our oldest daughter.

I saved Friday for my children.

How many “I’s” are in the above sentences? I believe it is 17.

It was all about me.

The shame I feel is for the way I neglected my children so I could have a “ministry”. I rushed them through an early lunch each of those days so that I could put them down for a nap and have “freedom to minister.”

I put other people’s needs above the needs of my own children.

Finally, I crashed. Fortunately I didn’t burn because of God’s grace and forgiveness. I was crabby and tired and I was taking it out on my children. Phil confronted me one day with the reality of my selfishness. I wanted to minister to these young woman because it made ME FEEL GOOD TO HAVE A MINISTRY.

I did not see that I had a ministry 24/7 right in my own home! God had given us four children and they deserved my full attention, not the leftovers after I had spiritually fed others.

Godly ministry is birthed by God and led by the Holy Spirit. It ALWAYS glorifies Jesus -not the person doing the ministry.

A very wise friend recently challenged us as a group of women to read Mark 14:3-9 to see something that I had not noticed before. It is the passage of scripture that describes the situation when a woman pours perfume on the feet of Jesus.

Mark 14:3-9 (NIV)

3 While Jesus was in Bethany, reclining at the table in the home of Simon the Leper, a woman came with an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume, made of pure nard. She broke the jar and poured the perfume on his head.

4 Some of those present were saying indignantly to one another, “Why this waste of perfume? 5 It could have been sold for more than a year’s wages and the money given to the poor.” And they rebuked her harshly.

6 “Leave her alone,” said Jesus. “Why are you bothering her? She has done a beautiful thing to me. 7 The poor you will always have with you, and you can help them any time you want. But you will not always have me. 8 She did what she could. She poured perfume on my body beforehand to prepare for my burial. 9 Truly I tell you, wherever the gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her.”
It is certainly true that this story has been shared thoughout the world, recently through the beautiful song by CeCe Winans called the “Alabaster Box”. The part of this passage that our friend shared was verse 8 – “she did what she could…”

Jesus was pleased with her because she did what she could. Instead of striving to be or do something she couldn’t, she honored Jesus by doing what she could.

It has taken me many years, many missteps, and so much grace from God to teach me this lesson. I don’t have to have a recognized ministry to please the Lord. In fact, He wants me to see that where He has placed me IS my ministry. Back in 1984 my ministry was our four children – and maybe the ONE student who asked to come pray with me. I took it too far by scheduling time that should have been my children’s.

Let’s pray that we would be like that woman who pleased Jesus by doing what she could.

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Stand Strong

Wood Girls - spring 2012

“The most dangerous attitude a person can have is ‘That will never happen to me.’ It is dangerous because your guard is down and you are vulnerable to attack.”
This sentiment was a warning in a book written in 1984 by J. Allen Petersen called The Myth of the Greener Grass.

The point of this book was to warn pastors of the dangers of sexual sin for those in pastoral ministry. If a pastor thinks he is immune to the temptations of affairs or sexual encounters, Dr. Petersen warns that pastor is setting himself up for disaster.

As a parent, if I think I would NEVER
* hit my child in anger
* slap my child if they talk back
* respond with hurtful words when I have been hurt
* ignore my child when they sincerely need my attention
then I need to read the following Scripture…

I Corinthinas 10:12-13
12 So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall! 13 No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

As a mother, I need to heed this warning. I can remember thinking…I will NEVER do that!… after seeing a parent treat a child harshly. Emotions can be so volatile. It can be a weak moment when I am tired, I may not be feeling well, I may even be worried or afraid. These are the very times I need God’s strength to stand against the temptation to react to my children in unloving ways.

All our grandchildren who were old enough attended Bible School this summer, some in Washington State and some in North Carolina. They all had the same theme – Stand Strong. They learned that God’s love, family and friends, prayer, and God’s Word all help us stand strong in our faith.

I love hearing our grandchildren singing about standing strong as Christians. I need to apply those same principles to my life. The challange for me is to not grow complacent or think I am above “falling”.

What a joy it is to stand strong together in our families!

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Cuteness Quotient

CalebAll babies are cute. Yes, I mean it. Some are cuter than others, yet there are cute qualities in all babies. There is something innate in the young of most species (shall we leave out snakes?) that causes us to respond with tenderness and a smile. I believe we were created that way so that we would care for the young and helpless.

An interesting study on the language patterns of adults talking to babies showed that throughout the world, in every culture, adults raised the pitch of their voices and talked softer to babies than other humans. Test it sometime. Watch the big, burly football player talk to a newborn. Precious!

All puppies are cute. Some are so ugly they are cute. I came home one day so excited about the basset hound puppies that were for sale. “They are SO cute, Phil. You must see them!” I pleaded. “Gayle,” he replied, “all puppies are cute. They just don’t stay that way. They grow up to be DOGS!”

Which brings me to the point of this post. Some of our children’s behavior that is cute when they are very small, is NOT cute at 4, 6, or 8 years old.

One of our daughters called today and said “Fred (name changed to protect the guilty) is NOT cute any more!”

“Oh yes, he is!” I immediately contradicted her as any grandparent would. He is only 18 months old and his smile melts my heart every time I see it.

“NO,” she replied. “He has started hitting his brothers and yelling at them whenever I hold someone besides him in my lap.” “Fred” had exceeded his cuteness quotient. His cries for preferential treatment will now be dealt with in order of urgency, just like his siblings.

We have all probably laughed when a small child says something that an adult would not get away with. Yet when we do this we send a very strong message that the behavior is funny, therefore people like it. It is not funny when older children are rude or disrespectful, so it should not be funny if they are 2 or 3 either. We should set an example of respectful behavior no matter what the age of a child. Certainly small children will make mistakes and say rude things. We can quickly and gently correct them and share an example of a better way to respond to others.

Does our Heavenly Father look at our mistakes and smile? Even if we are “baby” Christians? I think not. God is patient and kind, yet He does require obedience. The Bible talks about the importance of growing up as Christians. God does not want us to stay immature and self centered.

I Corintians 13:11-13 addresses this issue in the chapter many refer to as the “love” chapter of the Bible.

11 When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. 12 Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.

13 Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.

There is a time to put away childish things. As Christians we need to ask ourselves “Am I behaving in ways that are immature? Are there things I am saying or doing that I should “put away”?

I desire to be an example of mature godliness to my children and grandchildren. That may mean not excusing or encouraging “cute” actions that have exceeded the cuteness quotient.