Tag Archives: Christian parenting

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Learning to Choose

Life is full of choices, and learning to make positive choices is a life long skill. One mark of maturity is recognizing the possible results of a choice and because of that, choosing wisely.  Yet young children are NOT mature and therefore parents must limit their choices and help them learn to make positive choices. Some children are naturally “careful.” These children do not like to take risks. They wait and watch before jumping off the diving board and then they will decide if it is worth taking the plunge. Other children will “dive right in” literally and figuratively. They have no fear and are eager to try anything. These various tendencies  often show up early in a child’s development and follow them throughout life. (I remember asking one daughter to next time call me after she went sky diving so I did not have to worry during such activity!) Obviously daring children need to be monitored more closely than the more cautious ones.

Our goal as parents is to work ourselves out of a job. We will always be their mother, but we will not always be there to make decisions (nor should we). Here are a few tried and true strategies that  encourage our children to begin making good choices:

     1) Only offer a choice when you are really want your child to decide. This is not a game to see if they will choose what you have already decided is appropriate.

     2) The younger the child, the narrower the choices. It is best to offer a 2-year-old a choice of  “either or” between two items. As your child gets older, offering more choices lets them build skill in decision-making.

     3) Once a child makes a choice, require them to stick with that choice. If they eat half a red popsicle and see that their sister has a purple one, don’t allow them to change their mind and get a purple one immediately. Learing to live with our choices is also a life lesson. You can remind them that next time they could choose a purple popsicle.

     4) When it doesn’t matter what a child wears, let them choose. My mother likes to tell the story of the time one of her friends asked her “Why do you let Gayle dress that way?”. My mother responded, “Because she wants to.” (I know some of you are smiling now thinking about the way I have dressed throughout life.) We do want our children to be warm enough and safe, dry, modest, etc. but often while playing at home it doesn’t matter. I smile when I see an Indian Chief in full headdress or a princess in lacy gown and tiara in the grocery store! They have a mother like mine!

     5) If the consequences are not permanent or harmful, let your child suffer the results of decisions. Spending their money at the carnival on a “trick” game will be a gentle way to learn that everyone does not win the BIG monkey.

     6)  Often small children want to choose a toy just because someone else is playing with it. If offering another choice does not work, ask the child to choose something else for a few minutes and then they can trade. If this is not satisfactory – you can remove the toy. Children quickly learn that if they want any chance to play with that toy – they must choose to share.

The most important choice our children will ever make is whether or not to follow God. When the children of Israel were faced with that choice after entering the promised land, Joshua said to them;

14 “Now fear the LORD and serve him with all faithfulness. Throw away the gods your ancestors worshiped beyond the Euphrates River and in Egypt, and serve the LORD. 15 But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.”  Joshua 24: 14, 15

As mothers we often want to protect our children from hurting physically and emotionally. Yet if we are honest, some of the most important lessons we have learned in life have come as the result of suffering the consequences of our choices. We are able to model God’s unconditional love and grace as parents. When our children make a poor choice, we can forgive and instruct and help them to choose more effectively the next time.

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Cleats or Heels?

“Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” Proverbs 22:6

This is a verse that brings comfort to us as parents with the hope that our efforts are not in vain. Yet do we understand – “in the way he should go”? I have heard that the word translated “train” in the Hebrew refers to the way a gardener prunes, cares for, and shapes a plant along its natural tendencies. In other words, a skilled gardener knows the properties of his various plants and is sensitive to those strengths and weaknesses as he cares for those plants. For instance, he knows when to prune a hydrangea, right after blooming is finished, not in the early spring causing the current year’s blooms to be cut off. To effectively care for plants, the gardener must know the characteristics of those plants.

As a parent, to effectively train my child in the way that child should go, I must make the effort to know that child. Sometimes they will surprise us! I was reminded of this recently when one of our daughters attended an alumni game at the college where she played soccer. As a little girl she played princess with the best of them and dressed in pink whenever given the choice. She was a princess! Her father realized that she had athletic ability when she was quite young, yet she did not show much interest in sports.  Phil worked with her and “trained” her skills in sports, yet she followed his directions out of pleasure of playing with daddy, not enjoyment of the sport. As she got older, he signed her up for a team and told her if she didn’t like it after the season, she would not have to play again. To make a long story short, she gradually began to enjoy playing, mainly because it is fun to do something one is good at.  Her dad recognized her “natural bend” if you will, and it served her well culminating in a college scholarship. More importantly, soccer led her to the school her future husband would  attend and the common enjoyment of athletics.

This daughter still had a bit of the “princess” in her.  One fall night she walked onto the field where she usually wore cleats, shorts and a jersey and instead had on heels and a lovely gown. The evening  culminated in her being crowned homecoming queen. That was part of her “bend” as well.

As parents we may limit our childs opportunities if we only focus on one aspect of their character. We should pray often for sensitivity to each of our children and recognize their various strengths as they grow and change. God has created each child with unique qualities and one of the great joys of parenting is watching these traits unfold. We must also remember that they are created in the image of God for HIS glory and we must not impose our own “way he should go” on our children.

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An Act of Worship

As pregnant women, we get a true picture of what it means for our bodies to not be our own. We feel that little life (or lives) moving inside and we realize it is no longer about us.

We may feel sick from certain smells that never bothered us before pregnancy, we also may crave certain foods for no apparent reason. We are no longer in charge and often don’t even understand the changes taking place in our own bodies. This is just the beginning.

Romans 12:1 says “Therefore I urge you brothers, in view of God’s mercy to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God – this is your spiritual act of worship.”

As mothers of young children your body is a living sacrifice.

You are no longer your own. You get up in the morning, change diapers, breastfeed, have meals, tend to chores (when able) and meet others’ needs all day long according to their schedule, not your own.

A loving mother sacrifices her own wants and needs for her family. I can remember thinking when our four children were small that I would never feel rested again. I couldn’t imagine getting enough rest.

Yet, God convicted me with the truth of the above scripture one day at our home group. The home group leader, Phil, asked us to think about what in our lives were hindrances to worship. The immediate response that came to my mind was “my children”!

Then I felt shame.

These were gifts from God!  Why did I see them as a hindrance? Because I did not see my service to them as significant in God’s eyes. I thought a “ministry” was more important. Yet, the Lord showed me those children were my ministry at that time. NOTHING was more important. Offering my body as a living sacrifice WAS an act of worship – one very pleasing to our Lord.

As we have contemplated this Easter weekend the sacrifice that Jesus made on the cross, let us embrace the sacrifices we make as mothers moment by moment, day by day.

Jesus is our example – He laid down His life. As His follower, I must do likewise and recognize it as an act of worship.