Tag Archives: Motherhood

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Helicopter Mom

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Definition of HELICOPTER PARENT (Merriam Webster Dictionary)

: a parent who is overly involved in the life of his or her child

Is that a problem? Is it really possible to be overly involved in the life of your child?     The answer is YES!

There are certainly situations that require more parental involvement than others. Newborns need complete care, yet it is generally beneficial to allow babies some time away from mom. This may be leaving them in a room alone, letting them have “tummy time” without the parent holding them, and even allowing them to cry a bit if the parent is sure that the child is safe and secure.

Special needs children may require constant monitoring, as do children who are ill. There may be times when a child is afraid or has experienced trauma and loving attention is beneficial. It is important not to judge the attention a parent pays a child when you may not know the circumstances that initiate the behavior or the parent’s response.

The term “helicopter parent” has emerged in our culture to describe parents who are orchestrating their child’s life for them – or attempting to do so. This leads to many adverse results. Children will learn that they are not responsible for their actions – “mom will fix it for me.” They may begin to believe that they are not capable of making decisions or problem solving. The most devastating result will be their lack of recognizing God as the Good Shepherd who desires to lead and guide them throughout life.

I was reading about the mother of James and John, the disciples Jesus referred to as the ‘sons of thunder’. Their mother was a follower of Jesus herself. She, along with Mary Magdalene and Mary the mother of James followed Jesus cared for His needs.

20 Then the mother of Zebedee’s sons came to Jesus with her sons and, kneeling down asked a favor of him.

21 “What is it you want?” He asked.

She said, “Grant that one of these two sons of mine may sit at your right and the other at your left in your kingdom.”

22 “You don’t know what you are asking,” Jesus said to them. “Can you drink the cup I am going to drink?”

“We can,” they answered.

23 Jesus said to them, “You will indeed drink from my cup, but to sit at my right or left is not for me to grant. These places belong to those for whom they have been prepared by my Father.”

Matthew 20:20-23

Can you imagine going up to Jesus, the Son of God, and asking Him for a “favor” for your child? Mary had seen Jesus do miracles and she obviously believed that Jesus had the authority in Heaven as well as on earth.

Jesus’ response was interesting. He asked a question, as he often did when someone asked Him a question. “Can you drink the cup I am going to drink?” When they said yes, He agreed, yet told them He was not the one to grant position in Heaven.

Mary, a true helicopter mom, wanted the BEST for her sons. She knew Jesus was the Messiah. Yet she, along with all the disciples did not realize that suffering would be part of what they faced as His followers. Mary most likely believed Jesus would set up an earthly kingdom as the promised Messiah and free God’s people from bondage.

It sounds as if Mary was trying to plan her sons’ lives and make sure they were situated for the positions they “deserved” in God’s kingdom. Yet in reflecting on this, I realized that I have prayed MANY times for God to smooth things out, even intervene on behalf of my children. In looking at my own heart – I have been a helicopter mom myself. I have asked Jesus for privilege on behalf of my children.

Instead of being the “helicopter mom”, I must learn to pray “Thy will be done” and intend it with my whole heart. It means my child faces suffering in the future.  It means putting God’s will above everything and everyone else. It also means God accomplishes His plan in our children’s lives. The apostle Paul says,

2 Timothy 1:11-13 (NIV)

11 And of this gospel I was appointed a herald and an apostle and a teacher. 12 That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet this is no cause for shame, because I know Whom I have believed, and am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him until that day.

My most important responsibility as a mother is to entrust my children to God’s faithfulness.

 

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Scary Things

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All testimonies are not sweetness and light. In fact, as I get older, I have become suspicious of those who share only victories, blessings, and triumphs. Now, I do believe that God blesses His children. I believe that God answers prayer and has a plan for my good. But I am suspicious of those who only share the positive occurrences in their lives. I am suspicious because even Jesus “learned obedience through the things He suffered.” What makes me think that I am exempt from suffering? In fact, Jesus says in John 16:33 -“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (emphasis mine)

So – as long as I live in this world – I will have times of trouble. BUT, take heart. In other words, be encouraged. Not that everything will always go my way, but that there is no darkness where God is.

Our grandchildren wanted night lights in the bedrooms when they stayed with us over Thanksgiving. The unknown of the darkness caused them to be afraid. Once that faint, but visible night-light shown, they were able to feel safe and fall asleep.

Kathy, a friend who has been real, honest, and transparent shared a powerful testimony Sunday. It wasn’t about a victory, a blessing, or a triumph. It was the reality that when we face the scary things that can paralyze us with fear – God is light in the darkness. Situations are scary because we know the consequences can be devastating – even life threatening. There is reason for the fear we feel. Yet God wants to shine His light in those dark corners of doubt and fear. He wants to illuminate those circumstances in such a way that we can see Him in the midst of our circumstances.

Kathy encouraged us to see God in our scary situations. She shared this Scripture:

Isaiah 54:17

 No weapon forged against you will prevail,
    and you will refute every tongue that accuses you.
This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord,
    and this is their vindication from me,”
declares the Lord.

When, not if, we face those scary situations, may we remember –

1 John 1:5(NIV)

5 This is the message we have heard from Him and declare to you: God is light; in Him there is no darkness at all.

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Surprise!

I was sitting next to our daughter in her Sunday School class yesterday and I heard author Phillip Yancy say something on the video tape we were viewing that made me say “YES!”

Isn’t that exciting? Here I am, almost 61 years old (next month) 54 of those years as a Christian, and I am still learning from the treasure of God’s wisdom. That is one reason I still attend Church (Phil would be quick to remind us that the Church is the people – not the building). I fellowship with other Christians, attend Sunday School, and a Home Group all because I have learned “lo these many years” that God speaks to me through my fellow Christians.

Back to the “Yes!”…. Phillip Yancy was talking about the various ways God answers prayer. Now, “lo these many years” I have heard much about prayer. Many of you have as well. God’s ways are not our ways, His time table is not our time table, and most importantly, He is God.

What blessed me was a question Yancy asked, “Have you ever been surprised by an answer to prayer because it was answered in a way you never would have imagined, much less requested?”

“YES!”

In reflecting on my response, I realized that the surprise factor is part of what makes walking with God a meaningful journey. If I knew what was ahead, there would certainly be more potential for me to mess things up. I would try to avoid the very circumstances that have brought me some of my greatest joy. I would never have chosen to have four children in three and one half years. But, I shudder to think of what I would have missed!!!!

Our children have brought us much joy (and challenge) through every phase of their lives. Believe me, I clearly remember waking up and changing diapers on three little bottoms, feeding three breakfasts and breastfeeding the fourth, dressing or assisting in dressing all four. Then I would look at the clock to see how long it was until nap time. Not because I wanted my four little ones to nap – but because I wanted to nap! God was faithful through every phase of our children’s lives and continues to be. Yes! God has surprised me!

My relationship with God is vital and challenging because even as I face difficulties, I know God will be faithful to work on my behalf, even if I don’t know how He will accomplish His purpose.

Isaiah 55:8-1 (NIV)

8 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
10 As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

God is faithful – I want to continue to be surprised by Him.