Tag Archives: Parenting

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Making Messes

I was reminded again this week that a transformation takes place when you become a grandmother. Now I must be totally honest and upfront by acknowledging that messes have never bothered me very much. Yet, I can honestly say that they bother me even less now that I am a grandmother! I realize the main reason for this is that I don’t have to live with the mess, after the grandchildren return home, I can pick up at my leisure. I also admit that as an artist, it takes a mess to create so I am used to messes.  That is true with sewing and cooking as well, messes are the by-product of these endeavors.

One of the lovely young mothers in our community shared the following incident that illustrates making a mess.

My dear friends,

I just walked in the door from Moms Night Out with you! I walk in to see my mom sweeping up powdered sugar. My mom proceeds to tell me that while she was putting #2 to bed #1 decided to play like she was cooking.  Too bad she didn’t use her play kitchen. Too bad she used real ingredients! She had decided to cut an apple, put it in a cupcake holder,(no pan) sprinkle it with powdered sugar and was fixing to put it in the oven. I know you can imagine the mess. Thankfully she can’t turn the oven on yet!

Oh the joys!

It was a joy to this little girl! The issue of making messes is not “cut and dried”. We don’t want our children wasting cooking ingredients or endangering themselves and others.  Yet there is a time and place to make a mess – maybe it’s with a grandmother! There is also a time to have things clean and neat  – free from mess. A word of warning – beware of your method for achieving neatness – it may follow you in infamy as happened to me.

ONE TIME, I wanted to let the kitchen floor dry after mopping it. So, ONE TIME I asked our 4 children to play outside and not come inside until the floor was dry. To ensure that they followed my instructions,  I locked the doors, ONE TIME.

Of course, after two minutes they needed to use the bathroom, get a drink, every excuse imaginable to get in the house! These were the same 4 children who were nowhere to be found at meal time or bed time, no, they never wanted to come in the house then!

To this day, our children love to tell about their mother who locked them out of the house and wouldn’t let them in – like it happened all the time!

Looking back I realize that a clean floor is not all that important. Erma Bombeck once said that she was amazed when she mopped her kitchen floor after everyone went to bed and when she got up in the morning – it was still clean! My mother once told me not to worry about messes because before I knew it the children would be gone and then there wouldn’t be anyone around to make a mess. She was right. (except I am still here making messes)

Jesus addressed this issue in Luke 10:38-42

 38 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39 She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. 40But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”   41 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”  
This Scripture does not address messes specifically, but it does speak to the issue of what is really important. Jesus was pleased that Mary had chosen to spend time with Him, listening at His feet. Jesus did not regard the preparations Martha made as valuable in comparison to the time spent with Him.

Preparing meals, making cards, painting pictures, all these tasks make messes. They also can be completed more quickly and neatly by ourselves. Yet making the extra effort to include our children and grandchildren in these messes builds a relationship. That is what Jesus  wanted with Mary and Martha. That is an example for us as well.

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Slow Down, Going Too Fast!

I was one of those children who constantly fell and skinned my knees. I would have scabs on top of scabs, and because I injured the same places, they took some time to heal. I still have scars on my knees as reminders of those many falls. As I got older, I became more coordinated, but I must admit that I have never been what one would call graceful. Yet the falls mainly occurred because I was going too fast. I moved ahead of the ability of my feet and legs to balance my body.

We have three grandsons who all began walking in the past few months. It has been fun to watch (one by video) each one navigate the world on two legs. They have teetered and fallen, gotten up and fallen again. But they haven’t given up! They are so proud of themselves when they reach the outstretched arms waiting for them! What if they had given up when they fell repeatedly? What if they had refused to try walking again because it hurt when they fell?

Our older grandchildren are 6, 4, 3 and 2 – 2’s. They all enjoy running outside, which greatly pleases me. Still I find myself reminding them to “be careful”, “slow down” and other warnings that come to mind. I don’t want them to get hurt, especially when running down hill and going too fast. Recently I watched as one started down the path to the barn at a run and no sooner had I said ” SLOW DOWN” then they fell and skinned their hands and knees. I wanted to prevent their painful fall, yet it would mean denying them access to much of the world around them

As parents we want to protect our children from harm, especially from things that hurt us when we were young. Yet, we are powerless to prevent all of the possible injuries that loom in our childrens’ futures. We can encourage them to slow down and be careful about choices they make. Helping our children learn to slow down may prevent impulsive decisions which often lead to regret. Helping our children learn this at a young age will serve them well throughout their lives.

James 1:19-21 (NIV)                                                                                                                                                                    19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. 21 Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.

As our children get older, going too fast can be a big concern if they….

  • drive too fast
  • behave sexually “too fast”
  • get angry too fast

The above verses encourage us to be “slow to speak”, and “slow to become angry.”  Wouldn’t our world be a better place if we ALL did that? Let’s decide to slow down and model behavior that honors our Heavenly Father and shows a positive example to our children.

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Celebrate!

Lights! Trees! Decorations!

Everywhere we look there are reminders of Christmas and it isn’t even December yet.

In the 1950’s my grandfather always dressed up as Santa Claus. I thought Santa was real until my brother told me to look at Santa’s shoes. Those were Grandpa’s shoes! I realized that it was really Grandpa dressed up as Santa and the bubble of fantasy was burst.

When our first child was little we tried to ignore Santa Claus. We wanted to make sure that he knew what Christmas was really about – the birth of Jesus. So, I didn’t tell him that Santa wasn’t real – I just didn’t mention Santa at all. I remember being in a store before Christmas and a sweet elderly lady asking our son if Santa was going to bring him toys at Christmas. He looked at her and answered “No”. She looked horrified! He didn’t know Santa – why should Santa bring him a present?

By the time we had three more children, I didn’t worry about Santa Claus or if people talked to our children about Santa. I realized that making a big deal about Santa Claus one way or another would take the focus off what was really important – celebrating the birth of Jesus, the “King of Kings.”  If our family celebrated Christmas as the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, then that would make an impression on our children that would minimize any other influence.

Notice I said CELEBRATE ! There is a common mistake that is often made when we want to avoid what we may think of as a negative influence. We prevent our children from participating in something we don’t want them doing – yet we don’t make the effort to really celebrate positive things that reflect our families’ values.

Create holiday traditions that your children look forward to that also reflect your families’ values and cultural heritage. We made an advent activity chain that allowed our children to remove a link each day in December. Each link had an activity like, “drive around and look at lights” (we would look for the Griswold’s), “make Christmas cookies”, “sing Christmas carols”, etc. Our children looked forward to making the links and then cutting one off each day. Advent activities build excitement and create togetherness around celebrating. The links don’t have to be costly activities but can be things like “read a Christmas story”. Your family traditions will be unique for your family – and that is what celebrating is all about!  Simple tasks done together create special celebrations!

Reading Luke 2:1-20 is an excellent way to keep the focus of Christmas on celebrating Jesus. These verses show that God planned a celebration for the birth of His Son – (Luke 2:13-15)

13Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, 14 “Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom His favor rests.”

15 When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.”

The angels and shepherds celebrated over 2000 years ago and we can join in that celebration now. Is there any event more worthy of celebration?