Tag Archives: Parenting

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A Legacy of Lasting Love

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This week, my father passed on to his eternal reward. We have received so many kind, thoughtful, and meaningful messages from family and friends around the world. You realize at a time like this just how many lives are touched by one individual.

Even though it is my dad who died, every message references “Bark and Esther” or “Mr. and Mrs. Barker” or “your Dad and Mom”.

Together.

Husband and wife.

67 years of marriage.

It is like butter on hot cornbread – you can’t separate them.

Our son-in-law Tim wrote the following – “Bark was always interested in me and Salem and what we were up to. He and Esther have been great examples of what a Godly marriage looks like.”

A lasting legacy of love.

So much is written about love around Valentine’s Day. Some of it is meaningful and sincere. Some is self-serving and shallow. You can tell after being around a couple for a certain period of time whether their love is genuine or fake.

My friend Joyce told me today on the phone – ” I loved watching your parents together. You could see how much they loved each other.”

They did not practice “public displays of affection.” Their love was expressed through deference to the needs and feelings of each other.

Two days before Dad died he was retaining fluid and having difficulty breathing. I was sitting with him and he opened his eyes, looked at me, and said, “Gayle, where is Mother?”

“She went to take a nap, Dad. Is there something you need?”

“Oh, good.” Dad replied. “She needs to rest.”  Dad was struggling at the end of his life here on earth, yet his thoughts were of his wife’s health and comfort.

I will always remember Jay Fesperman telling young couples what the most important skill for effective parenting was for the parents to –

Love each other.

That creates an atmosphere of security, trust, and peace in the home. It is also the perfect environment for children to thrive.

I was blessed to grow up in a home where my parents truly loved each other.

Our home was not perfect – but my brothers and I never doubted that my parents genuinely loved each other. Our home was a secure place to live.

I Corinthians 13: 4-7  expresses real love this way –

4 Love is very patient and kind, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud, 5 never haughty or selfish or rude. Love does not demand its own way. It is not irritable or touchy. It does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong. 6 It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever truth wins out. 7 If you love someone, you will be loyal to him no matter what the cost. You will always believe in him, always expect the best of him, and always stand your ground in defending him.

I am so very grateful for the legacy of love my parents have left behind.

It is worth far more than any material inheritance – it is of eternal value.

My father will be greatly missed. I pray that Phil and I and our children and grandchildren will carry on that legacy of lasting love.

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Underdogs

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My father has always rooted for the underdog. Unless his favorite team is playing, he has generally pulled for the team that is considered less likely to win.

Being from Illinois and a Cubs fan, his favorite team and the team considered the underdog are often the same!

It warms our hearts to see teams considered less capable triumph and pull off a victory. I’ll never forget the feeling of victory when our daughter’s high school soccer team defeated the favored team from a big school in Charlotte for the second round of the state playoffs. We were definitely the underdog, and it was so exciting for our team and our fans. “Little Mountain School Beats Big City Favorite”

Paul uses examples of athletic events several times in his letters to the early church. His readers were familiar with competition in games of physical skill and so Paul uses these to encourage new Christians.

Hebrews 12: 1-3 NET

12 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, we must get rid of every weight and the sin that clings so closely, and run with endurance the race set out for us, 2 keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of our faith. For the joy set out for him he endured the cross, disregarding its shame, and has taken his seat at the right hand of the throne of God. 3 Think of him who endured such opposition against himself by sinners, so that you may not grow weary in your souls and give up.

That “great cloud of witness” are those who have gone on before us – who by faith have testified to the truth of God’s absolute faithfulness. (AMP)

They are cheering us on!

Even when we feel like the underdog, the less talented, the “loser”, God’s saints are pulling for us.

When we feel incapable of

  • raising our children,
  • facing the challenges ahead,
  • just getting out of bed,
  • feeding one more whining, reluctant eater

we must continue to run with endurance the race set before us.

Your race is different from mine.

Yet we have the same promise of God’s presence and strength.

It appears my father will be joining that great crowd of witnesses soon. I know he will be cheering us on, trusting in God’s faithfulness to give us strength for what we are facing.

After all, Dad was a track coach and he always pulls for the underdog…

 

 

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Proportion

100_0171” “You have blown this all out of proportion!”

How many times have you heard this, or said this yourself? We use it to refer to a situation where we feel someone is making too big a deal out of a situation.

This often occurs because a spouse, child, or in-law thinks something is more important than it is….

or to be fair – than WE think it is.

In art, proportion is defined as the relationship between objects with respect to size, number, etc. including the relation between parts of a whole.

Artists sense that things are in proportion by comparing the elements within the piece of art. We don’t just look at one flower in a still life and judge if it is in proportion. It must be looked at in comparison to the whole picture.

As parents we need to view the situations our family members face in proportion to the wellbeing of the whole family.

It may not be a big deal to me if my child’s soccer socks match his or her shorts, but it may mean THE SUCCESS OF THE WHOLE SEASON to my child. Refusing to wear other socks could also affect siblings getting to their game on time.

How do we help our child keep things in proportion?

  • be an example of proper proportion ourselves  – don’t blow up about every little thing, save the blow ups for BIG things 😉
  • uncombed hair is not the end of the world, unless it is picture day. Then that picture will be the one you laugh at together when they are seniors in high school!
  • if your child tends to be a drama queen, intervene BEFORE the drama starts. Example – “Dear, I told you yesterday that Nana was going to take you to see MINIONS today. She just called and she can’t come because Pop is sick. Let’s make a get well card for Pop.” This shifts the child’s perspective from himself to another person and hopefully avoids an outburst.
  • in life we will constantly face change, so helping our child see situations through others’ viewpoints is an important life lesson.

When we are on a mountain top, we see all the surrounding area and it puts things in proper proportion. We realize how small we are and we often see things we have never seen before, or we see them in a new way.

Just as we want to help our children to have a healthy outlook on their situations, God wants us, His children, to have the correct view of our lives. We need to see the situations we face in light of God’s desire to help us grow as Christians.

In The New Testament, James is writing to Christians and encouraging them to face difficult situations in life.

James 1:2-4 says –

Dear brothers, is your life full of difficulties and temptations? Then be happy, for when the way is rough your patience has a chance to grow. So let it grow, and don’t try to squirm out of your problems. For when your patience is finally in full bloom, then you will be ready for anything, strong in character, full and complete.

Finding joy in our trials will certainly help us keep things in proportion, won’t it?

May we learn to trust that God is at work in our lives through joys as well as trials and may we teach this trust to our children and grandchildren as well.