Author Archives

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Imperfect Parenting

What is he eating?!

If you were in a bookstore or library and saw a book titled Imperfect Parenting by Paul Apostle would you buy it or check it out? Most of us would ignore such a book – the title alone lacks enticement – no matter who wrote it. When we look for advice or guidance about something, we want positive, encouraging information, even if we sense that something doesn’t ring true. Why would I want to learn to be an imperfect parent?

The truth is that just as we are imperfect individuals, we are also imperfect as parents. That is not to say that we are “off the hook”, or that we can’t improve our performance as parents.

I enjoy hearing the stories behind the athletes that recently participated in the Olympics. It is especially inspiring to hear about those who have overcome daunting obstacles to achieve the goal of representing their country in the Olympics. Some were told they would never “amount to anything”; some were singled out for glory when they were very young and have had to “live up to” burdensome expectations. One common thread thoughout these stories, is that along the way someone believed in them. No athlete at that level makes it on their own. Most of these elite athletes had outstanding coaches, mentors, teammates, siblings, and often parents who encouraged, challenged, and pushed when needed. Many of these athletes reached a point where they felt like giving up, yet someone stepped in to inspire them to press on to reach their goal.

Paul inspires us in Philippians 3: 12-14

12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Paul inspires us to “forget what is behind”. That means to forget our mistakes from the past – don’t wallow in the despair of past shortcomings and failures. “Strain toward what is ahead” – press on by doing the things that make us better parents.

  • Turn off the media that distracts us from interacting with our children.
  • Control our tone of voice – even when we are tired and stressed.
  • Follow through when we give our children directions

Each of us has our own areas in which to “press on”. By God’s grace we will come closer to being the parent we should be – still imperfect – but closer to our goal.

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Back to School – That is the Question!

School is starting this week here in our community.  Some of you have over a month before your child or children begin school for the 2012-2013 school term, some of you may have years before your child reaches that magic age – 5 years old!

 Home school, public school, private school, Christian school, or charter school? Which option is best for your child and when? There are valid, compelling cases to be made for each of the above options. Many of you have talked to family, friends, and acquaintances that have STRONG opinions about which option is best. Some of these well-meaning folks will share their opinions with you even when you don’t ask. Some hold strong opinions because they feel that the path they chose had the positive outcomes they desired for their child. Others are equally convinced that their child suffered because of the educational choices the parents made, so they discourage making the same “mistake”. As with many things in parenting, there is no ONE RIGHT answer.

As parents of young children, my husband and I did all of the following at one time or another – homeschooling, Christian school, and public school.  It was not because we couldn’t make up our minds – it was because at different times, for different children, we felt led by God to choose various options.

If our goal as parents is to raise children that will seek and follow God’s will for their lives, then selecting their means of education is very important. Yet, the method must never be selected to ensure the child’s spiritual future. There is no Bible verse that says, “For it is by home schooling you are saved, that not of yourself, it is the instruction of parents or Godly teachers, least anyone should boast.” No, the Bible verse that illuminates Truth in this area is

Ephesians 2:8-10 (NIV)

8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith —and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so that no one can boast. 10 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Even the best instruction by the best teachers in the best home, Christian school, public, private or charter school will not ensure our children’s salvation.

Some of you are searching for assurance that the educational decision you have made for your child is the “right” one, the one that will guarantee a positive outcome. It may be the right decision – yet the outcome is up to God.  There is no one blanket solution that applies to everyone.  In making your decision, it may be helpful to prayerfully consider the following:

  • What options are available to us? This may make the choice simple.
  • Is my child naturally a leader or a follower?  If my child follows their peers, social pressure may be an issue.
  • Are they socially mature? Does my child need to be around other children to learn to share, take turns, realize they are NOT the center of the universe?
  • Are there services (special education classes, speech therapy, etc.) that the public school offers that will benefit my child? Often, children with special needs have more services available in public school. Some services are available to those who home school as well.
  • Are the teachers my children have equipped, nurturing, and do they love what they do? This MUST be the case whether the teacher is a parent, or in any of the various school settings. Sadly, not all Christian teachers have the above qualities. I know many public school teachers who see their profession as a calling from God and it is evident in their classrooms.

As a parent, you still have the most important influence on your child’s education. What you say and do at home is far more influential then what happens in the classroom, even if the classroom is the dining room. Your role as a parent carries over from year to year throughout your child’s life and informs everything else that happens to your child.

I can remember being so concerned as each of our children started school – even when I was their teacher! The Biblical account in Daniel of the four boys taken into captivity in Babylon gave me great comfort and hope, especially as our teenagers started public high school. These boys were about 12 years old, taken from their homes and families to a foreign land and educated by a secular, pagan culture. Yet the teaching they had at home was imbedded in their hearts and even when they were tempted with the king’s rich food and drink and the choice between compromise and death – they did not give in.

Daniel 3:16-17

16 Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to him, “King Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. 17 If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and He will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. 18 But even if He does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up. ”

God is faithful….

…WHATEVER TYPE OF SCHOOL SETTING!

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Sense of Humor

“I have a dream that SOMEDAY, I will be able to stand at the stove and fix dinner without little hands pulling my pants down around my knees …..”

“I have a dream that SOMEDAY, I will be able to go to the bathroom, BY MYSELF, without someone banging on the door crying “Mommy, Mommy!”…..”

“I have a dream that SOMEDAY, it will be quiet when I call someone on the phone and crying will not erupt as soon as the phone is answered….”

“I have a dream that SOMEDAY, cleaning up after a meal will not include scraping food off the floor, chairs, and nearby walls….”

I remember clearly the afternoon 25 years ago that a dozen of us moms were waiting to collect our children after T-Ball. We were talking about fixing supper – what we had planned to cook, etc. We were sharing the fact that some of us had something in the crock pot, some had meat thawing on the counter, and some did not have a clue yet what they would serve for supper within the next hour or so.

It was at this point that Sue Bartlett spontaneously broke into her “I have a dream….” speech.  It was in no way disrespectful of Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King’s amazing speech. Sue took the general outline and cadence of the famous sermon and started saying the words above in a loud, commanding voice.

We started laughing and couldn’t stop!  Some of us laughed so hard we doubled over. It was one of those rare moments when humor fits the situation perfectly and all of us connected with Sue. We were living those same situations and yet we often didn’t see them as funny.

Following that afternoon, when one of those “dream” situations occurred – as they often did – I had a totally new perspective. I found myself smiling, remembering Sue’s rendition as my toddler banged on the bathroom door crying. Sometimes I would start to preach my own dream speech to my children as they hung on my legs crying.  I’m sure they thought I had lost it (as they often did) but it lightened the mood and certainly changed my attitude from frustration to irony.

Proverbs 17:22 (NLT)

22 A cheerful heart is good medicine,
but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength.

Just as this verse from the Book of Wisdom says, seeing the humor in a situation will help us face it in a more positive light. Being the mother of small children is challenging and takes emotional, physical, and intellectual strength. When we find ourselves drained of strength – look for humor – it lightens the load! Next time you see or hear something funny with your child, write it down – you will be encouraged. Then, share it with us so we can laugh with you!