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Manners Matter

We have had the privilege of spending lots of time this past month with all 9 of our grandchildren. It was especially nice because three of our grandsons live across the country from us, so we are blessed whenever we are able to have time together. Our grandchildren are learning manners, and it is so nice to hear “please”, “thank you”, “you’re welcome” and other polite phrases from these little ones. It is often amusing as they learn the correct meaning, and therefore the correct use, of polite language. I gave one of our grandsons a snack and his mother said “What do you say to Nana?” He replied “sorry” while putting the snack in his mouth – I couldn’t help but laugh!

This training in manners from parents is so essential, and not often valued in our current culture. Manners have sometimes gotten “bad press” in the recent past because those imposing “correct behavior” sometimes had ulterior motives. Various ways of behaving and speaking classified people, often unfairly. Yet common courtesy should never go out of style and it is even more important as our children interact with people in a culture that is increasingly more diverse.

Speaking politely and showing thankfulness are ways to honor others. As a high school art teacher, I see many students who use polite language and those are often the students who have lots of friends and are highly regarded by their peers. Students who are demanding and rude are generally the most unhappy people and not surprisingly, seem to have few friends.

I had a student ask me last year, “Mrs. Woody, why do you always say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ to us? ”  I answered, “I want to speak respectfully to you all, just as I want you to speak respectfully to me.” It is exactly the same for us as parents. We must model for our children the language and words we want them to use. This is especially true of how we speak to our spouse. Our children will talk to their dads just the way we talk to our husbands. Yes, and children will talk to mom the way they hear their dad talk to her. OUCH! When we ask for help from our spouse or children do we say “please?”  Do we respond with a “thank you?”

Manners mattered enough to Jesus that He singled out one man who came back and thanked him after being healed. Luke tells about this situation in Luke 17:11-19

 11 Now on his way to Jerusalem, Jesus traveled along the border between Samaria and Galilee. 12 As he was going into a village, ten men who had leprosy met him. They stood at a distance 13and called out in a loud voice, “Jesus, Master, have pity on us!” 14When he saw them, he said, “Go, show yourselves to the priests.” And as they went, they were cleansed. 15 One of them, when he saw he was healed, came back, praising God in a loud voice. 16He threw himself at Jesus’ feet and thanked him—and he was a Samaritan. 17 Jesus asked, “Were not all ten cleansed? Where are the other nine? 18 Has no one returned to give praise to God except this foreigner?” 19 Then he said to him, “Rise and go; your faith has made you well.” (emphasis mine)

“Thank you”  was important to Jesus because it revealed what was in the man’s heart. Those polite words do the same thing for us, our spouses, and our children. It shows that we value and appreciate each other, just as Jesus does.

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Do The Next Thing

We just had the privilege of taking care of our three granddaughters for a week. I am left with two overwhelming feelings – first – exhaustion  – and then a new and deep respect for our daughter and son-in-law as parents. I had forgotten just how constant the care of young children is. There is never any down time while 6, 4, and 2 year olds are awake. As you mothers of young children know – you must be ever mindful of where your children are and what they are doing.

I enjoyed every minute of  our granddaughters’ visit, yet I must admit  I was worn out. I had planned to do several small projects while they napped or after they went to bed. One project was crocheting a border around a new, small blanket. for the 2-year-old to carry (so it wouldn’t drag in the dirt)  RIGHT!  That did not happen. I was reminded of some helpful advice I received when our children were small. Elizabeth Elliot, author and Bible teacher, encouraged young mothers to deal with overwhelming stress by encouraging one to just “do the next thing”. I found this piece of wisdom so practical because I remember many times being overwhelmed by my responsibility as a mother of young children.

Instead of focusing on all I had to do and knowing there were not enough hours in the day to get it all done, I would “do the next thing ” and focus  instead on the task at hand. It sounds so simple – but it is excellent advice and it works. When I  felt overwhelmed I would change the next diaper, put the next load of diapers in the washing machine (yes, I am old enough to have had three in CLOTH diapers at the same time), or make the next peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I found that it was not so much the difficulty of any one task that was overwhelming, but the sheer number of things that MUST be done. I found that instead of being paralyzed into doing nothing, I was able to gradually accomplish the most important tasks. In the workplace people prioritize, but with small children the “priority” task is not always the most important task. Sometimes reading a story FIRST will offer a child the attention they need and then afterward allow you to start supper without a screaming appendage attached to your leg.

It is part of life experience to be overwhelmed at times. In Psalms, David addresses God in desperation –

Psalm 61:1 – 2  “Hear my cry, O God; attend  unto my prayer. From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the Rock that is higher than I.” When David was overwhelmed, he cried out to God. I have done that often and will again in this journey as a mother. It is a blessing to know I am not alone with these feelings and that my heavenly Father hears my cry and answers. I had begun writing this post on July 4th, but the “next thing” for me that day was our 6 grandchildren, my parents, brother, sister-in-law and niece, two daughters, two sons-in-law, a son and husband. So, a week went by without a post, not a big deal. Doing the next thing did NOT mean I finished everything, it did mean I finished some things and accomplished what was most important that day as a grandmother, mother, daughter, sister, and wife.

Then, I did the next thing.

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Along for the Ride

Old Holly Cove Truck

When I was 10 years old my parents operated a campground in the summers for families camping in tents and trailers. It was located in the Great Smoky Mountains of western North Carolina and my brothers and I spent delightful summers working and playing alongside our family and friends. Dad had an old Ford truck and every time we children heard the engine crank, we ran to ask if we could go along for the ride. We would jump in the back of the truck, make sure our “bottoms were on the floor” and off we would go. Sometimes Dad would say, “Do you want to go with me?” since he knew we enjoyed feeling the air rush through our hair as it cooled us off on a hot summer day.

We never asked “Where are you going?” It didn’t matter. We were along for the ride. We didn’t care about the route or destination because the ride itself was exciting. Thinking about it now brings back a flood of pleasant memories. If my memory serves me rightly, the majority of the trips were to Sylva Coal and Lumber or Vance’s Hardware Store. Dad  would buy supplies for campground repairs, and we would return home, riding in the back of the truck with whatever he had purchased.

God wants us to respond to Him in much the same way my brothers and I responded to our father.  He has called us to follow Him – He often doesn’t tell us where we are going or why. We may not know where we are going, but we do know who we are going with. When God called Abraham ( Abram at that time) to a foreign land, He didn’t tell him much about the destination.  Abram knew God and trusted Him. The Bible is full of people who walked by faith. There are also numerous accounts of those who didn’t and the results aren’t pleasant.

I realize as I get older that it is the process of following God – or journey itself – that is important, not just the end result or the destination.

Matthew 16:24-25 (NIV)

 24 Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. 25 For whoever wants to save their life[a] will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it. ”

Being an effective mother is losing our right to our own way, as we stated in an earlier post. Yet I know that too often I have focused on the “goal” ahead of me instead of  following God – whether the goal was getting the babies out of diapers, helping them learn to talk, walk, feed themselves, etc. Instead, I should see the day-to-day challenge of being a mother as significant.  If I could see each day as a “ride in the back of the truck” instead of a destination that must be reached I believe it would facilitate my desire to be a follower of God. As I relinquish my control over the destination – “losing my life” – God will take me where He wants me and I will “find my life” in Him.