Category Archives: Being a Mom

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Tested and Tried by Fire

I have been blessed over the years to attend several women’s retreats and conferences. I have heard inspiring Bible teaching and been challenged in my walk with the Lord. My favorite sessions have included clear teaching from God’s Word and practical application for my life. I can remember hearing Elisabeth Elliot speak in 1973 at Urbana (a college age missions conference).  I can’t tell you the times her words have challenged me in the many years since that conference. I also was blessed by a godly Bible teacher, Sally Fesperman, starting in 1975 and spanning many years. She was an older woman who took seriously the Biblical mandate “older women should teach younger women to love their husbands and children.” Titus 3:5

I can remember thinking how blessed I have been by their example and I wanted to be used by God as they were. That wasn’t too much to ask, was it?

I sensed the Holy Spirit asking me at that time – “These two women bless you, yet are you willing to suffer what they have suffered? Their lives have been tried by my refining fire.”

Whoa.

I was stunned.

 photo from www.onethankfulmom.com

Elizabeth Elliot lost her husband when he was murdered by the native people in Ecuador he was making contact with. His intent was to share Jesus with this remote group of people.

    photo from findagrave.com

Sally Fesperman lost her first son as an infant and her second son was killed by a run away dump truck soon before he was to be married at age 24.

These women were sharing with us from the refining fire of suffering. Their words were powerful because they had been forged by holding unto the Truth of God’s faithfulness in spite of the circumstances. They both had suffered, yet when hearing them share, you saw joy and peace radiate from their faces.

I could not answer yes to that question stirring in my heart. I didn’t want to suffer – to lose my husband or my children. I was clearly NOT ready to share with others what I had not lived through myself. Sharing others’ stories can be good, yet the testimony of a woman tested by time is powerful.

I also have come to realize that I held unto several false beliefs because I wanted them to be true. Those false beliefs would have been stumbling blocks to anyone I shared them with.

God in His wisdom has allowed me to be tested by time. The difference from who I am now and what I have to share is 73 years of God’s faithfulness. In spite of my weakness, He is strong. The amazing fact for me is that even though I was arrogant and even prideful thinking I had something to share when I was young and untested – God has seen fit to allow me to share from His Word.

Isaiah 43: 1-3

But now, this is what the Lord says—
He who created you, Jacob,
he who formed you, Israel:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name, you are mine.

2 When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.

3 For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.

That is ALL I have to share that is of any worth – the Truth of God’s Word. I have been tested by time and God is faithful!

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You Are Mine

Four Generations 1979

Gayle, Hannah, Svea, and Esther

My Grandmother, an amazing woman who emigrated to the United States from Sweden in 1920, lived the “American Dream”. She left the poverty of northern Europe between the two World Wars and worked as a maid, then a cook for a wealthy Chicago family. She met my grandfather through a friend, married, had three daughters, raised two grandsons, and began oil painting at age 52 when she had an empty nest.

Yet those facts don’t tell the whole story. Svea was a force. She had a deep love for her Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and shared that love whenever she could. She quoted Bible verses to all of us – sometimes out of context to get her point across – yet she truly loved God’s Word.

She fiercely loved her family, and made holidays, especially Thanksgiving, a feast of food, love, and laughter. I have two brothers and 5 male cousins and we all had the “privilege” of sitting at the “piggy table” (in the kitchen) while the adults ate in peace in the dinning room with china and crystal. I smile thinking about those meals. We laughed so hard that our stomachs ached as those boys jockeyed for attention as the most hilarious. “Pass the rolls” meant a literal “pass” and missing the catch sent the boys into hoots of derision. To this day I am petrified about catching anything. (thanks Tommy)

Every once in a while, my Grandmother would stick her head in the kitchen and admonish us to “keep it down” and then retreat back to the dining room and the civilized conversation. We wouldn’t have traded the dining room for the piggy table any day! Oh, by the way, the food was DELICIOUS!! Svea was an exceptional cook.

After my grandfather passed away and Grandma lived alone for several years, she had a stroke and then moved in with my parents who were then living near us in North Carolina. Grandma suffered another stroke and then went to live in a care center for rehabilitation. She thrived in that environment, enjoying the social interaction and bingo sessions all the while continuing to paint. She had a solo exhibit of her paintings for her 90th birthday!

As she turned 95, Svea began to fail, yet her spirit was strong! Our daughter, Salem, became a CNA through her high school health occupations classes and did a rotation at the care center where Grandma lived. Grandma was forgetting names but recognized Salem. She would walk through the center pushing her wheelchair and when she saw Salem, she would say – “You are mine”. Then she would let everyone know around her that Salem “was hers”. Svea was so proud to have family there and wanted everyone to know.

Recalling Svea’s love for all of us in her family, it reminds me that our Heavenly Father loves us fiercely with His perfect love. He has called us by name. He never forgets who we are – He says “You are Mine”.

Isaiah 43:1-3 says –

43 But now, O Jacob, listen to the Lord who created you.
O Israel, the one who formed you says,
“Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you.
I have called you by name; you are mine.
2 When you go through deep waters,
I will be with you.
When you go through rivers of difficulty,
you will not drown.
When you walk through the fire of oppression,
you will not be burned up;
the flames will not consume you.
3 For I am the Lord, your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.

This Thanksgiving I am so thankful for the legacy of my grandmother – Svea Elise Anderson Rohner. Her prayers for me and example of love for Jesus have impacted my life eternally. I pass that on now to my children, grandchildren, and great-grandchild.

Remember – we are called by His name – we are His.

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Mothering Mistakes

This picture shows 4 generations – 3 mothers. How blessed we were to have my mother with us until she went on to her eternal rest in the presence of her Lord and savior – Jesus. She lived on this earth until she was 90 years old – her body was becoming weaker, but her mind and spirit were strong until the end. Mother had heart surgery to repair a leaking heart valve. She was told the risk involved in surgery for someone her age and her words still resound in my heart when I miss her – “Gayle. either way I win! I will have a repaired heart and more energy, or I will be in the presence of Jesus!”

She won. She is in the presence of Jesus.

My mother talked often about her hope – the knowledge that she would dwell in eternity in the presence of God. She viewed her present sufferings “in light of eternity”, one of her favorite phrases. Sometimes I resented her attitude – “but now, in the present, this suffering is REAL”. I even saw it at times as an escape from facing the very real suffering in the present. Yet as I get older I appreciate more each day my mother’s faith in her Heavenly Father. Eternity is more real as more and more of my dear family, friends, and brothers and sisters in the Lord pass on from this life.

When I was pregnant with my first child, I was thinking about how I would be as a mother. My mother was a wonderful mother. We always had a loving and respectful relationship, even in my teenage years. Yet I remember telling my mother “I think you are a great mother, but I won’t parent our child exactly like you did.” In her wisdom Mother replied –

“You are right, Gayle, you won’t make the same mistakes I made. You will make your own mistakes.”

What wisdom! I realize all these years later, with children 46, 45, 44, and 42 I certainly have made mistakes, and God’s grace has been there every step of the way.

In Ephesians 3:14-21 Paul is praying for the church at Ephesus.

14 For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15 from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

What a perfect prayer for mothers! Praying that God our Father would:

  • strengthen us through his Holy Spirit
  • dwell in our hearts through faith
  • cause us to become rooted and established in God’s love
  • empower us to grasp how wide, long, high, and deep God’s love is
  • quiet our hearts to KNOW that love
  • equip us to become filled with the measure of all God’s fullness

We have all made mistakes as mothers, and we will continue to make mistakes as long as we live in this fallen, broken world. Verse 20 gives me so much HOPE. God is able to to do “immeasurably more that we ask or imagine”. I can imagine wonderful things for my family, yet God’s plan is far beyond even my wildest dreams.

The final part of this prayer is the foundation of my hope – v. 21 – “to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout ALL Generations!” This promise is for me, my children, my grandchildren, my great-grandchildren, for ever and ever! AMEN!