Category Archives: Being a Mom

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Our Best Christmas Tree

Tree with Lincoln

We couldn’t afford it, but I wanted a REAL Christmas tree. This was in 1980 and trees didn’t cost all that much. Yet we had only $15.00 in our checking account and a Christmas tree would not have provided food for our then three children.

Our bank balance was low for several reasons.
1- We had just closed on our first home, purchased for $35,000.
2- It was November and the furnace needed a “tune up” immediately so that took our $200 reserve fund.
3- We didn’t have much money to start with. I was staying home with our three children aged 3, 2, and 9 months old, so we were living on a library cataloger’s salary.

God had shown himself so faithful in the purchase of our house. He had provided all we needed and there was one more paycheck coming before the property taxes were due.

God had promised to supply all our needs according to his riches in glory and we had witnessed that, one bill at a time.

Christmas trees are not a need.

I knew this, yet I wanted a Christmas tree for our first Christmas in our first home of our own.

So, I told God how I felt. I wanted a Christmas tree, but if it was not to be, I asked God to change my heart about a desire for a tree.

It was a cold, dark night. We were driving back from a holiday dinner at a friend’s house who lived in Cashiers, a remote community higher in elevation farther up in the mountains.

Phil came around a curve and we saw something black and large lying in the road. He pulled our little VW bug over and stopped. There in the middle of the road was a big, BEAUTIFUL, Christmas tree!

It must have fallen off a truck hauling Christmas trees from the farms up the mountain. It was dark, no trucks around, nor any other cars. It was there just for us!

It was our Christmas tree – and much lovelier than one we would have purchased. Phil opened the trunk, which is in the front in a VW bug, put the tree part way in, and tied the trunk down as far as he could. He slowly drove the 18 miles home.

Did God provide that tree? Does God care about Christmas trees?

Some Christians I know and love feel that all the trappings of Christmas take away from it’s real meaning. These individuals choose to celebrate Jesus’s birth in simple ways. I respect that and honor their motivation.

I also know that receiving that Christmas tree during a time of financial need made me feel God’s love for me in a very personal way. I felt that my Heavenly Father heard me and answered the cry of my heart.

Why?

Because He loves me.

Was it a coincidence that the tree fell off the truck at that time? No other car could have passed by it without effort because the tree was smack in the middle of the narrow, winding road. It meant that the tree fell off and we were the first car to go by.

Maybe it was chance.

Yet it answered my prayer to the God of the universe who is my Heavenly Father.

Gifts often demonstrate love. Christmas is the time we celebrate God’s gift of his Son, Jesus.

John 3:16-17(NIV)

16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.

Every year when I put up our tree, I remember the best tree we ever had. More importantly I am reminded of my Heavenly Father who knows my heart and loves me.

Sometime I will tell you about the wreaths that fell off a truck.

PS – a great story to read to your children is – The Year of the Perfect Christmas Tree by Gloria Huston. It is a lovely story with a meaningful message.

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Want Joy? … then be Thankful!

Phil and Gayle

I was married in 1975 during Thanksgiving weekend. That event has brought immeasurable joy to my life. I appreciate that our anniversary often coincides with my favorite holiday – Thanksgiving. I attribute much of the blessing of our 38 years of marriage to the fact that we are thankful for each other – warts and all!

From the moment Phil and I made the committment “for better or for worse” the better has greatly outweighed the worse. I am thankful to be married to a man who loves me even though he has seen me at my worst, and the worst is not pretty.

Is our marriage perfect?

No.

Do I always FEEL love toward Phil, or FEEL loved by him?

No.

As in all human relationships, there are many variables.
* feelings
* health issues
* stress from family, work, friends
* broken promises
* unfulfilled expectations
At any point these variables could have resulted in a severed relationship. Phil and I are sinful, broken people saved from our selfness by the grace of God.

So if I feel gratitude for my marriage and the years we have shared together, to whom am I thankful?

I am thankful to God.

People who meet us as a couple for the first time have often asked “How did you two end up together?”
We could be the poster couple for “Opposites Attract”. It is quite obvious to those who know us that our relationship is the result of God’s presence in our lives and therefore our marriage.

We know other couples who started out committed to God and each other and yet their marriages have not survived. I don’t know the explanation of why some marriages end and others weather the storm.

I do know that I am thankful for my husband.

The things that bless me about Phil now are very different than they were 38 years ago. One thing I particularly appreciated about him was his red hair. Now it is almost entirely white. (mine gets grayer by the day)
But the most important quality has not changed – Phil’s committment to God and to me. I am so very thankful for that.

British writer and literary critic G.K.Chesterton said, “The test of all happiness is gratitude; and I felt grateful.” (from the book Defiant Joy, the Remarkable Life and Impact of G.K.Chesterton by Kevin Belmonte. p. 221) The defining quality of Chesterton’s life, as described by his contemporaries, was joy.

Thankfulness leads to joy.

If we cultivate thankfulness for our spouses we will experience joy in that relationship. That joy will spill over to bless our children, grandchildren, and others around us. One of the greatest gifts we can give our children is to love our spouse.

Paul’s prayer of thankfulness for his fellow Christians in Phillipi is an example of how we might feel and pray for our families.

Phillipians 1: 3-9

3 Every time I think of you, I give thanks to my God. 4 Whenever I pray, I make my requests for all of you with joy, 5 for you have been my partners in spreading the Good News about Christ from the time you first heard it until now. 6 And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.

7 So it is right that I should feel as I do about all of you, for you have a special place in my heart. You share with me the special favor of God, both in my imprisonment and in defending and confirming the truth of the Good News. 8 God knows how much I love you and long for you with the tender compassion of Christ Jesus.

9 I pray that your love will overflow more and more, and that you will keep on growing in knowledge and understanding. 10 For I want you to understand what really matters, so that you may live pure and blameless lives until the day of Christ’s return. 11 May you always be filled with the fruit of your salvation—the righteous character produced in your life by Jesus Christ[b]—for this will bring much glory and praise to God.
May God Bless us with thankful hearts.

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Coolness Quotient

Yesterday we were eating breakfast with the early risers at our daughter’s house. We planned on attending the early service where they worship and the two older daughters were eating breakfast when the youngest, a four year old entered. She sat in her seat, didn’t say a word, and didn’t respond when her mother asked “Would you like some orange juice?”

We were all looking at this 4-year-old who didn’t crack a smile but looked sullenly ahead.

I said, “Oh dear, she is already acting like a teenager.”

“No,” responded her 6-year-old sister. “She isn’t cool like a teenager.”

We all burst out laughing, which then brought a smile to the face of the four year old.
Now I teach teenagers everyday, and just how “cool” they are is up for debate. (kidding!!!!)

It’s interesting how children perceive older children. They tend to see them as “cool”, a term which is, as I mentioned, open for interpretation. What does it mean to be “cool? Sometimes what is thought of as coolness is disrespectful behavior. An older child who is arrogant or bossy may seem “cool” to a timid or shy child because that is so different or daring.

Coolness sometimes refers to appearance. Yet that varies from year to year and generation to generation. It also is dependant on secular values of what is fashionable. Some of the current fashion trends are immodest and often provocative. A “cool” horse T-shirt may not be “cool” next year!
Our daughters have looked at pictures of themselves when they were young and asked me, “How could you let me dress like that?” I tell them that was what they wanted to wear.

How can we help our children navigate the “coolness quotient?”

Some Christian groups like the Amish and Mennonites have chosen distinct patterns of dress that set themselves apart from the current culture. Yet most of us don’t feel led to follow that kind of mandate, even if we respect the choice of those who do.

Scripture does give guidance, although not specifically using the word “cool”.

Isaiah 61:10

I delight greatly in the Lord;
my soul rejoices in my God.
For he has clothed me with garments of salvation
and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness,
as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest,
and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.

Our desire should be to relect God’s presence in our lives. That is of GREATEST importance. As parents and grandparents we need to lead by example and encourage our children and grandchildren that being like Jesus is what is most important.

Coolness by the culture’s standard does not have lasting value.

Being like Jesus has eternal value.