Category Archives: Being a Mom

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Tested by Time

I had the wonderful privilege of speaking at a Woman’s Retreat this weekend. It was sponsored by a local church, yet they made an effort to include women from outside their congregation. What a joy it was to meet the diverse people who attended! There was diversity on many levels, various ages, diverse ethnicity, married, single, divorced, and widowed. The women spanned ages from 77 to 22, with the  inclusion of one precious 6 month old. It was a microcosm of the Body of Christ – each woman unique but sharing a desire to follow Jesus. I was blessed beyond words with the sincerity evidenced by the participants. They opened their Bibles, listened intently, and took notes. (I didn’t see anyone reading electronic messages or texting during the four messages I shared. )

I have been blessed over the years to attend several women’s retreats and conferences. I have heard inspiring Bible teaching and been challenged in my walk with the Lord. My favorite sessions included clear teaching from God’s Word and practical application for my life. I can remember hearing Elisabeth Elliot speak in 1973 at Urbana (a college age missions conference).  I can’t tell you the times her words have challenged me in the many years since that conference. I also was blessed by a godly Bible teacher, Sally Fesperman, starting in 1975 and spanning many years. She was an older woman who took seriously the Biblical mandate “older women should teach younger women to love their husbands and children.” Titus 3:5

I can remember praying and asking God to allow me to share with women as Elizabeth Elliot and Sally Fesperman did. I was so blessed by their teaching and I wanted to be used by God as they were. That wasn’t too much to ask, was it?

I sensed the Holy Spirit asking me at that time – “These two women bless you, yet are you willing to suffer what they have suffered? Their lives have been tried by my refining fire.”

Whoa.

I was stunned.

 photo from www.onethankfulmom.com

Elizabeth Elliot lost her husband when he was murdered by the native people in Ecuador he was making contact with. His intent was to share Jesus with this remote group of people.

    photo from findagrave.com

Sally Fesperman lost her first husband in World War II, and her only son was killed by a run away dump truck soon before he was to be married at age 24.

These women were sharing from the refining fire of suffering. Their words were powerful because they had been forged by holding unto the Truth of God’s faithfulness in spite of the circumstances. They both had suffered, yet when hearing them share, you saw joy and peace radiate from their faces.

I could not answer yes to that question stirring in my heart. I didn’t want to suffer – to lose my husband or my children. I was clearly NOT ready to share with others what I had not lived through myself. Sharing others’ stories can be good, yet the testimony of a woman tested by time is powerful.

I also have come to realize that I held unto several false beliefs because I wanted them to be true. Those false beliefs would have been stumbling blocks to anyone I shared them with.

God in His wisdom has allowed me to be tested by time. The difference from who I am now and what I have to share is years of God’s faithfulness. In spite of my weakness, He is strong. The amazing fact for me is that even though I was arrogant and even prideful thinking I had something to share when I was young and untested – God has seen fit to allow me to share from His Word.

Isaiah 43: 1-3

But now, this is what the Lord says—
He who created you, Jacob,
he who formed you, Israel:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name, you are mine.

2 When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.

3 For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.

That is ALL I have to share that is of worth – the Truth of God’s Word. I have been tested by time and God is faithful!

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Learning to Walk

Number 4, off and away!Our youngest grandson has recently begun walking. It would have come as a surprise (he is just 10 months old) except for the fact that he has done everything sooner than his three older brothers. I’m sure that watching them has had an impact on his development.  But I , Nana, have another theory that is based on personal observation – NOT scientific research. He is a born leader.

I want to postulate that the rate at which a child begins certain developmental tasks is not based on birth order as much as personality. A first-born child that is a natural leader will tend to do things like walk, talk, and feed themselves at an earlier age. These children know what they want and they want to get moving! They want to feed themselves and are often heard saying  – “I can do it!” ( or “me do it!”) Yet, this child may be the middle child or even the youngest born. Their outgoing personality may result in them telling the older siblings what to do – and surprisingly – those older siblings do it! These assertive children may fall a lot, or make big messes eating – but they will get it done – by themselves.

The quiet, less outgoing child, whatever the birth order, will wait to try new skills until they are sure they can do it. They will walk later – but rarely fall. These children will let the parent feed them and only start doing it themselves when they are sure they won’t spill. They are careful learning new tasks and want help along the way. Once they master something, they do it well by themselves.

The insecure, tentative child is the one who needs consistent help and assurance that they can master a new skill. Even when they can walk – they want to be carried. They are able to feed themselves, but they want to be fed. They seem to require constant attention to insure that they are able to do things.

As parents it is important to recognize the personality of our child and encourage them to grow and develop in positive ways. Each of these personality types have positive and negative qualities. As parents we can help our children develop the positive aspects and minimize the negative ones.

I am studying Scriptures on following Jesus. I believe that as God’s children we have various spiritual personalities just like our natural ones. God has created us this way. As we make the decision to follow Jesus, each of us follows Him using our individual personality.

This can be positive and negative. For example:

  • An outgoing, leader type personality may start to follow with sincere enthusiasm. They actively follow for a time and then run ahead – thinking they don’t have to wait – they know the path to follow.
  • The quieter, more careful personality might wait and study for a long time, not wanting to miss the path. That time spent studying is good. But while waiting, they lose sight of Jesus as He moves ahead.
  • The insecure personality wants to follow, but isn’t sure and second guesses themselves about when to move.  Do they have all they need  to follow? They want to follow but they aren’t sure how, they want someone to carry them.

This is why we must die to self to learn to walk with Jesus. God has created us with various personalities. He has a purpose for each of these qualities in our lives. Yet if our personalities prevent us from following Jesus, we must put those traits to death.

Jesus said:

Luke 9:23

Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.

The only way we can learn to walk like Jesus is to follow Him.

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Is It Well?

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When peace like a river attendeth my way,

When sorrows like sea billows roll.

Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,

“It is well, it is well, with my soul”

Can I say that? Is it well with my soul? This classic hymn of our faith states the contrast between peace that flows like a river – constant, unending peace. The opposite is sorrow that is like a sea billowing, overflowing.

Peace vs. Sorrow.

Yet, the hymn goes on to say that “whatever my lot” it is well with my soul. It is difficult to accept that peace and sorrow should have the same result – acceptance. The only way that is possible is for one to have the belief that God has a purpose for life. That God will use everything one faces in life to fulfill His purpose –  and that the purpose is ultimately good.

I have recently attended the funerals of three people close to my age. Two of these were very sudden, unexpected deaths. The other was the result of a battle with cancer. Sorrow came crashing like waves on those loved ones left behind. The comfort of God’s peace will come as the sorrow ebbs away. Yet it will take time to sense that peace.

When our children face the loss of a loved one, it is important to talk with them about the sorrow they feel. It is helpful to let them cry and see that others are mourning the loss as well. Don’t try to “be strong” for others. Open, honest sorrow is normal and real and children need to see that.

It is also important to talk about the peace we can feel as we trust in God. We do not  understand why, but we trust in God’s love.

Philippians 4:6-8 (NLT)

6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

God’s peace will allow us to honestly say “It is well with my soul.”