Category Archives: Being a Mom

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The BEST Gift Ever!

“The greatest gift a mother and father can give their children is to love their spouse.” I remember hearing that said by a wise, godly man, Jay Fesperman. We were attending a Christian Marriage and Parenting Retreat at the Inn of the Last Resort in Franklin, North Carolina. That phrase struck a chord with me because I had lived in just such a home growing up. It truly was a gift!

When I was seven or eight years old, I remember my mother crying one day after an argument with my father. When dad left the kitchen, I went up to mom and hugged her and said, “Dad is mean to you!” Through her tears her said, “No, Gayle, your Dad is right, I was wrong.” That sent a strong message to me about my mother’s respect for my father. Even when her feelings were hurt, she wanted me to know that my father was worthy of respect. Because of her love and respect for my father, I learned to respect my father and his authority in my life.  I knew he wasn’t perfect, but through the way my mother talked about and to my father, I also learned to love and respect my father’s authority in my life.

How does this love and respect between parents affect a child? Why would it be a “gift” to demonstrate mutual love and respect? When children hear and see love and respect verbalized and demonstrated between parents, they are blessed for several reasons:

  • children see that love is more than words, it is also demonstrated with actions
  • children learn to emulate the respectful behavior of their parents
  • children feel a sense of security that is a product of a nurturing, stable home
  • children witness respectful conflict resolution
  • children establish a sense of the value of healthy relationships

If my mother had put down my dad and spoken with resentment about him, that would have planted seeds of disrespect in my heart. It could have grown into distrust of my father’s love and concern for me.

Ephesians 5:31-33 (NIV)

31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.
33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. 
Notice that these verses call the marriage relationship not only a mystery, but a PROFOUND mystery. That is a understatement from my experience! It is a mystery to me how my relationship with my husband influences my children’s sense of security and value – yet I know from personal experience  – it does. I have been blessed my whole life with a realization that God loves me. This is not a prideful assessment, but a deep felt realization that my Heavenly Father loves me. I attribute this to the blessing of having a birth father who loved me unconditionally and loved my mother faithfully as well. It was an easy transference of love and commitment from my father to God, my Heavenly Father.
The challenge for me is to demonstrate the legacy of respect for my husband that my parents gave to me. I hope to pass this legacy on to the next generation. That is the BEST gift ever!
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Joy!

I was blessed to attend a women’s conference in Hickory this weekend with two of our daughters. The main speaker was very good, but the thing that blessed me the most was the fact that the ladies who coordinated this event did not feel the need to just  “bring in big names” as speakers. They had asked some local women to speak in the break-out sessions and they did a wonderful job sharing from God’s Word. One speaker, Carol, shared about “Consider it Pure Joy”  from James 1 and there were several things she said that really spoke to my heart.

Throughout my life, since the time I was a very small child, people have said that I have a lot of  “joy”.  That may be because I smile often – and that gives the impression that I have joy. Yet, truth be known, joy is much more than smiles or happy faces. Carol shared that joy is defined as the “prospect of possessing what you most desire.”  (Webster’s Dictionary) When I am planning to spend the weekend with our grandchildren, I am filled with joy!!! The prospect of their happy faces, hugs, and “I love, you, Nana” all fill my heart with joy  – which says that being with my grandchildren is something I desire.

I remember being THRILLED when we found out we were pregnant with our first child. Becoming a mother was something I greatly desired. Joy was the result. Yet, two and one-half years later, when I found out I was pregnant with #3, my first reaction was NOT joy.

  • my milk dried up and #2 was just 6 months old
  • our 1st two children were still in diapers
  • my body was spent
  • we lived in a two bedroom apartment, both tiny bedrooms

There was no joy –  because I did not desire another child at that time. The problem was NOT the pregnancy – the real problem was my desire. As I prayed and allowed God to adjust my desires , I began to anticipate the birth of our third child. It was not an overnight change, but gradually I realized that God’s timing is perfect –  irregardless of my desires. As I began to desire the birth of our precious 3rd child, my heart changed and joy was the result!

I still had to

  • stop breastfeeding
  • have 3 children in diapers at the same time
  • put 3 cribs in a small bedroom
  •  and feel tired.

My joy was restored by God’s grace. Those of you who know our 3rd child know what joy she brings to our family and all those who know her. God’s plans for us are so much greater than our plans!!

The challenge for all of us is to desire the right things. First and foremost – we should desire God.

Psalm 16:11 (NIV)

11 You make known to me the path of life;
   you will fill me with joy in your presence,
   with eternal pleasures at your right hand

This scripture shows that the Psalmist desired to know God’s path and the reward was fullness of joy!

If we do not feel joy, we must examine our hearts and ask what do we desire?  Fullness of joy is worth adjusting our desires!

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Story Time

Everyone loves a good story. Be honest now, remember the last time you were at a baby shower (yesterday for me) with a bunch of women –  many with a birthing story to tell. It is amazing! Anyone who has had a child has a story – some are funny, some painful, some are hard to believe, some can’t remember anything because they were drugged, and some are sadly tragic. Yet each story ends with a birth. My friend Carol, a long time labor and delivery nurse, says that the saddest births are those that end in a still- born delivery. Dear friends of ours lost a baby soon after she was born and I remember what a painful time that was.  After nine months of anticipation and planning all the hopes and dreams of sharing that new life die with the death of that baby.

Sharing these stories, good and bad, happy and sad keep alive the memories of these precious little lives however brief. Sharing the stories of those babies who did not live or had very short lives allows future children to acknowledge that their life is a gift – not a given.

Children love to hear stories about their birth and early years. The story gives each child a sense of belonging and family heritage that is important as they form their self image. This is important for adoptive children as well. The fact that they were chosen by the adoptive parents and the story of the effort that those parents made to include them in the family will help those adopted to feel every bit as loved and valued as biological children. The shower yesterday was for an adopted little girl. The testimony that her mother shared is a lovely story of God’s grace and faithfulness in the adoptive family’s life as well as in the life of that precious little girl whose birth mother chose life.

This is a time of the year when many of us celebrate the sanctity of human life. As we do so, we remember that each life is ordained by God and so precious in His sight. The following verses were written by the Psalmist before there were x-rays, ultrasounds, or CAT scans. Yet they acknowledge what we now can see through scientific techonology – what grows inside the womb is fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God.

Psalm 139:13-16

13 For you created my inmost being; 
   you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; 
   your works are wonderful, 
   I know that full well. 
15 My frame was not hidden from you 
   when I was made in the secret place, 
   when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. 
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body; 
   all the days ordained for me were written in your book 
   before one of them came to be.

This is a story we must tell our children and grandchildren. Each of them is made in the image of God and as their lives unfold, the story of their lives has been written in God’s book – planned by the God of the universe.