Category Archives: Being a Mom

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Cleats or Heels?

“Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” Proverbs 22:6

This is a verse that brings comfort to us as parents with the hope that our efforts are not in vain. Yet do we understand – “in the way he should go”? I have heard that the word translated “train” in the Hebrew refers to the way a gardener prunes, cares for, and shapes a plant along its natural tendencies. In other words, a skilled gardener knows the properties of his various plants and is sensitive to those strengths and weaknesses as he cares for those plants. For instance, he knows when to prune a hydrangea, right after blooming is finished, not in the early spring causing the current year’s blooms to be cut off. To effectively care for plants, the gardener must know the characteristics of those plants.

As a parent, to effectively train my child in the way that child should go, I must make the effort to know that child. Sometimes they will surprise us! I was reminded of this recently when one of our daughters attended an alumni game at the college where she played soccer. As a little girl she played princess with the best of them and dressed in pink whenever given the choice. She was a princess! Her father realized that she had athletic ability when she was quite young, yet she did not show much interest in sports.  Phil worked with her and “trained” her skills in sports, yet she followed his directions out of pleasure of playing with daddy, not enjoyment of the sport. As she got older, he signed her up for a team and told her if she didn’t like it after the season, she would not have to play again. To make a long story short, she gradually began to enjoy playing, mainly because it is fun to do something one is good at.  Her dad recognized her “natural bend” if you will, and it served her well culminating in a college scholarship. More importantly, soccer led her to the school her future husband would  attend and the common enjoyment of athletics.

This daughter still had a bit of the “princess” in her.  One fall night she walked onto the field where she usually wore cleats, shorts and a jersey and instead had on heels and a lovely gown. The evening  culminated in her being crowned homecoming queen. That was part of her “bend” as well.

As parents we may limit our childs opportunities if we only focus on one aspect of their character. We should pray often for sensitivity to each of our children and recognize their various strengths as they grow and change. God has created each child with unique qualities and one of the great joys of parenting is watching these traits unfold. We must also remember that they are created in the image of God for HIS glory and we must not impose our own “way he should go” on our children.

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Above All

Yesterday was Mother’s Day.  I realized I think about being a daughter more on Mother’s Day than the fact that I am a mother and grandmother as well. That is primarily true because my parents live with us. As they age I want to honor that relationship as long as I am blessed with their presence. So, I fixed country pork chops, etc. and used my mother’s lovely china. There were only four adults around the table and yet I chose to enjoy the special meal we shared and not focus on the children and grandchildren who were elsewhere. Mother’s Day is not just about me, even though I am a mother. Our daughters are now mothers themselves, and their husbands have mothers and grandmothers, all of whom have a claim on their time and attention.  I choose how I respond to the cards, calls, gifts, etc. and I must sometimes adjust my response to honor the fact that family members are where they should be and that our “home” may no longer be their “home” . I want to support their decisions as a family and not add a burden of guilt “if only you were here!” Certainly I miss them, but if my focus is on the ones that are not here, I won’t enjoy the presence of the ones that are with me.

I  remember a conversation I had with my mother right before our first child was born. First, to give some background I must say that I had an idyllic childhood. I was blessed with two Godly, loving parents who “walked the talk” and lived a consistent example before my brothers and I. Yet, they were not perfect and I wanted my mother to know that although she was a wonderful mother, I needed to warn her that I was going to do some things differently as a parent myself. I was not going to make some of the mistakes  she had made.   She responded with wisdom and grace, “You are right, Gayle. You won’t make the same mistakes I’ve made.  You’ll make your own mistakes.” I knew immediately that she was right. None of us are perfect as daughters, much less as mothers. The following verse that one of our daughter’s uses at the end of her e-mail gives me hope and comfort –

“Above all, love each other deeply, for love covers over a multitude of sin.”  I Peter 4:8

Above all, more important them me getting my own way, LOVE each other deeply. I would venture to say that the most frequent sin that love must cover is selfishness. Just think, love covers a MULTITUDE of sin. When I feel wronged or hurt, love should be my response.  As a wife, daughter, mother, grandmother, and mother-in-law, I must make sure that love is the motivation behind my thoughts and actions, not my selfish desires. Then, Our Father’s love can do the work that will bring Him glory.

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Full Hands

Dear Beautiful Daughters,

I remember going places in our small town when our children were little. We had four children in four and one-half years and it seemed that a consistant comment I heard over and over was-  “you sure have your hands full!”  Our three daughters each have three children of their own now and whenever I go places with any one of them people make the same comment – ” Are all those yours? You sure have your hands full!”  Sometimes it is said with a positive tone of voice and a smile, sometimes a person says it in a voice filled with horror. I smiled and tried to respond in a positive way, even when I am felt like my hands were so full that I was about to drop something, and I don’t mean one of the children. 

Is is better to have full hands or empty ones? I will never forget the evening I went to visit my dear lifelong  friend Carol who had just lost her precious little boy in a tragic accident. We sat on a bed crying together and Carol said, “I just want to hold him again. My arms feel so empty.”  Only God’s love can fill that empty place that a mother feels over the loss of a child whether through miscarriage, death, or separation. Our Heavenly Father who created these children may take them away.

Having our ” hands full”  with children and mothering is a privilege that God entrusts us with for how ever long He chooses. That may mean our hands are full with one child, two children, three, etc.  Even when we know that our children are  gifts from God,  there are those times when we feel overwhelmed and at the end of our resources. I find that when I feel that sense of despair it is usually caused by unrealistic expectations or a sense of resentment because MY plans have been interrupted.

Colossians 3:23 says “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.”  Our culture devalues the simple yet necessary tasks that mothers use their hands for each and every day. Tasks like changing diapers, fixing healthy meals, reading stories, coloring together, building with blocks or going on walks together can seem like intrusions.

If we can understand that using our hands as God’s instruments of service to our children is really an act of serving our Father, then our full hands will be a blessing, not a burden.

What are some positive, yet gentle responses a mother can make to those who comment “Wow, your hands are sure full!” ?  Please share ideas you any have.

with love and thankfulness for the blessings you are in my life,
 
Gayle Woody