Category Archives: Parenting

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One and Only

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“MOM!”

“Nana is right here, Adella”

“MOM!”

Our granddaughter, Adella, had fallen. Her mom had stayed at the house to get the bike trailer attached so they could go on a bike ride together. We had started to the park with her brothers so they could play soccer.

When Adella fell, all she wanted was her mother.

Nana would NOT do.

I tried everything in a grandmother’s bag of tricks –

  • distraction “oh, look at that amazing crack in the sidewalk”
  • empathy “I want my Mom, too, when I am hurt”
  • humor “let’s cut off the leg that hurts”

And when all else fails,

  • bribery “I will buy you a milkshake”

Nothing worked.

When an injured child wants their mother, mother is the one and only person that will do.

As Christians we should be that way with our Heavenly Father.

God should be our “one and only”.

Yet in our culture, think of who and what we go to for “help”-

  • the media “google that”
  • friends “rant on Facebook”
  • move to a new location “I am out of here”
  • alcohol, drugs “self medication”
  • distractions “partying, media, devices”

God wants us to come to Him. In fact, He wants us to come to Him FIRST!

John 6:66-69 says the following in the Amplified translation –

66 As a result of this many of His disciples abandoned Him, and no longer walked with Him. 67 So Jesus said to the twelve [disciples], “You do not want to leave too, do you?” 68 Simon Peter answered, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You [alone] have the words of eternal life [you are our only hope]. 69 We have believed and confidently trusted, and [even more] we have come to know [by personal observation and experience] that You are the Holy One of God [the Christ, the Son of the Living God.”

God is our one and only hope. In our troubled times, and we all have them, as parents, grandparents, yes, and as nations, we must go to God for help.

I love the way Peter, in verse 68 says “You alone have the words of eternal life, you are our only hope.”

Just as our children and grandchildren want their mothers, we must go to God as our source of help, comfort, and life.

God is our one and only hope.

 

 

 

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Washing Up

Doesn't their mother bathe them?

“Stay right where you are. After I take a picture, I am going to hose you both off!”

I am so glad I took this picture over 30 years ago. These daughters would probably not remember the time they played in a mud puddle in the yard and finished by smearing mud all over themselves.

They had a great time, then it was time to wash up.

It was a process.

  • hosing down to get the clumps of mud off
  • taking clothes off on the back porch, then quickly running to the bath tub
  • washing their hair repeatedly until I could see their scalps

By the time they were clean, the “fun” of the mud had worn off. As the mud began drying, it did not feel so good on their skin. The scrubbing process also bothered them, washing their hair 4 or 5 times in a row wasn’t pleasant.

I was thinking about the way our culture affects us as parents and grandparents and the idea sprouted in my mind that we often need “washing up” from all the dirt and filth around us.

In Ephesians 5:25-27 Paul is giving instructions to the people in the church in Ephesus. In this verse Paul is asking husbands to love their wives as Christ Jesus loves His bride, the church.

25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.

 The part that struck me is the phrase – to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.”
God’s word cleans us!
How does this happen?
We live in a world full of unclean thoughts, evil actions, and just plain nasty language. This can fill our hearts and minds if we let it. Yet we don’t have to wallow in the mud of our culture.
If we read and meditate on God’s word, we replace the dirt all around us with God’s cleansing thoughts and we are WASHED BY HIS WORD!
What an amazing blessing!
The challenge for each of us is to aware of the dirt and brush it off as soon as possible. We need to help our children do this as well. When they repeat ugly, unkind words, we can ask them – “Please say that in a more kind way.” Memorizing scripture is a way to continually “wash” our minds throughout the day. “Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another”. Ephesians 4:32
This also means that we must watch our own words and actions so that we can be examples of someone washed by the word of God.
Our culture so desperately needs the influence of those who are clean, washed by the word of God.
I pray we will be mothers and grandmothers who are “washing up” with the water of His word, helping to wash the little ones we love.

 

 

 

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“No” Still Means “No”

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We have dear friends who have 4 children just like we do, also now grown. Their children were all born after our youngest, so it has been interesting (fun?) to watch their children go through each of the growth stages after our children had done so.

This kind of situation is proof that hind sight is 20-20. It is so easy to think of solutions after one has faced a particularly difficult stage with a child. It is also easy to watch children a few years older than yours and think “I would never let my children do that!”

This is dangerous territory!

Truth be known, no two families are alike and we don’t know what we would do in another’s situation.

Our friends had one child with a strong will – to be honest and a VERY strong will. They are effective, nurturing parents and from the beginning they set clear boundaries and had realistic expectations. Yet, this child tested every limit and challenged every standard set by the parents. We were visiting from out-of-town one weekend when he was about 3 or 4 years old. The parents were giving bed time instructions to their children and this one kept asking for changes to the normal routine.

Children will frequently do this when there are guests since they think the parents

  • 1) aren’t really paying attention or
  • 2) the parents don’t want a “scene” in front of the guests.

Both of these ideas are quite often TRUE!

Our friends did not give in. They firmly repeated “no means no” and refused to discuss the matter further. This did not deter their son at first. He, being a very bright and creative child, had new and unique alternatives to the standard bedtime procedures. The parents did not cave in, they repeated “no means no” calmly and firmly and soon their son was in bed.

I commented to the mother after he was tucked in for the night, “You were so consistent! You repeated “no means no” and meant it!” She smiled a weary smile and said, “Gayle, if you only knew how many times a day I say that. Every reason I give him just creates another opportunity for him to come up with an excuse for not obeying. But a simple “no means no” works. Sometimes I get so tired and I want to give up, but I know we need to require obedience.”

Don’t give up.

God requires obedience from His children “Thou shall not steal” “Thou shall not commit adultery” “Honor your father and your father”. Exodus 20: 12, 14, 15

These are not suggestions. God does not say “If it’s ok with you, don’t take anything that isn’t yours” or  “Try to be faithful to your husband, alright?”

To God – no still means no.

Are we sending mixed messages to our children when it is nap time and we say “Do you want to take a nap now?” Is there a choice? If there is fine – but nap time in our house was NOT a choice. It was the goal each afternoon to get everyone fed, changed, and down for a nap at the same time! If I had said “Do you want to take a nap now?” one of my four might have said “no!” My day would have fallen apart!!!

Yet I hear many parents, and I probably did this some myself, ask their children if they are ready for lunch, nap time, supper, clean up time, bath time, etc. It would be a clearer communication of my expectations if I said, “It’s time for lunch. Please come sit down at the table.” ” It’s nap time, take your shoes off and pick out one story.”, or “You had so much fun playing with all these toys today. Now it is time to put them away before you go to bed.”

It is unfair to the child to appear to a choice when I don’t intend to allow the child to choose. Let my “no” mean “no” and my “yes” mean “yes”.

Believe me, it will be so much easier when your children are teenagers if they learn “no means no” at a young age! It is less difficult to deal with issues of obedience when a child is 3 or 4 than when they are 13 or 14.

No still means no.