Category Archives: Parenting

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You Go First

Hawkins - 1st day of school - 2024

“I got to be the leader today, Nana. I was first in line.”

That was the highlight of two of our grandson’s week in school. They were so excited about being the leader and being the first in line in kindergarten. They told me this on the phone after I asked them, “How was school today?”

Now there is nothing wrong with being first. Someone has to be first. I found out soon after we started dating that Phil had a very different idea about being first in line – or being in front of ANYTHING.

I always like to sit in front. This is probably because I always sat near the front in school. My last name started with “B” – Barker – so when we were seated alphabetically, I was near the front. I was also placed near the front, sometimes SMACK up against the teacher’s desk because – can you believe it? – I TALKED TOO MUCH.

I know some of you are thinking – “she hasn’t changed in 53 years”. Others are thinking – “no wonder….”

Phil on the other hand had a last name that started with “W” – Woody – so he sat near the back. He liked sitting near the back and NEVER got in trouble for talking.

“Phillip is such a pleasure to have in class. He is a model student.” his report cards always said.

Gag….

So, we soon realized that we couldn’t sit together. I wanted to sit in the front – he wanted to sit in the back.

(Don’t worry – we have worked it out and we do sit together.)

Our culture celebrates being first. First place, first in line, first prize, first team all-stars, first edition, etc.

If someone cuts in front of us while driving and beats us to a light or an intersection, we fume about it and may even lay on the horn.

Recently Phil and I were driving somewhere and were running a tad late. I knew we would get there on time if we hurried. We were making good time until Phil slowed down and let someone pull out in front of us! Then, when a car next to us signaled that they wanted to move into our lane, he waved them in front of us!

I was irritated by each car that was ahead of us, seeing them as a obsticle to my progress. Truth be told, I was also irritated with Phil.

Phil saw these opportunities as a chance to be kind and thoughtful.

I started noticing his pattern while driving and I realized that he consistently lets people ahead of himself in line, lets others go first, and is not pushy nor aggressive. He just quietly waits his turn.

Jesus taught his disciples about being first

Mark 9:33-35 (NLT)

33 After they arrived at Capernaum and settled in a house, Jesus asked his disciples, “What were you discussing out on the road?” 34 But they didn’t answer, because they had been arguing about which of them was the greatest. 35 He sat down, called the twelve disciples over to him, and said, “Whoever wants to be first must take last place and be the servant of everyone else.”

What a great example to his disciples and to us.

Are we being that kind of example to our children and grandchildren? Do we let others go first? Do we make space for others in line or do we fuss and honk if others crowd in?

I need to be like Jesus and let others go first with the heart of a servant. Don’t you feel blessed when someone lets you pull into a line of cars?

Pass that kindness on to others.

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Home Making

Where is the food?

Where is the food?

My dear friend Carol’s mother-in-law recently passed away to her eternal home. She was a godly woman who poured out her life for her family. I read her obituary in the paper and I was so struck by the words that one of her sons wrote. (he is a writer and an editor at the Asheville Citizen-Times) I am quoting him, James Buchanan –

“A devoted homemaker known for her cooking and generous hospitality, she crafted a modest home into a focal point of happy memories that would be the envy of an opulent mansion, overseeing generations of gatherings of import for family and friends. These ranged from holiday celebrations, weddings, and funerals to more modest events such as the arrival of the season’s tomatoes from the garden the family tended for decades.”

How true this was! I benefitted from being a family friend who was graciously included in Brittie May Buchanan’s family celebrations from time to time. The food was delicious and there was always enough – even when growing teenagers were part of the mix. Brittie’s home was modest, but there was a wealth of love and genuine warmth that no decorating could compete with.

You always felt at home.

I was thinking about this Saturday as I was cleaning our home in preparation for a visit from some of Phil’s cousins. We have discussed the need to re-paint our den since it has several places where there are nicks in the paint and marks on the walls. Yet, there is not time to paint before the visit from these cousins.

Does it really matter?

No.

Now, I do need to clean and dust – we don’t want the attack dust bunnies to scare our guests away!  They are coming to see us – not our house. I need to be reminded of this occasionally because I am a visual person.

I would rather set the table with pretty napkins and matching place settings with a carefully arranged bouquet of flowers as a center piece than fix the food that will be served for the meal.

Oops.

They are coming to eat.

Do we spend hours on Pinterest looking for the perfect table setting before we are willing to have anyone over for a meal?

Brittie Buchanan cared about what really mattered – feeding people’s bodies and hearts. Pretty flowers don’t fill stomachs.

Her son went on to write:

“She was an unerringly kind woman who always put others before herself, their concerns before hers, a woman who practiced her Christianity with humility, foreign to the habits of looking down on others or speaking ill of anyone (including those who deserved it).”

Brittie Buchanan left a legacy of love. “She crafted a modest home into a focal point of  happy memories” – that is real love. Paul talks about what real love looks like in I Corinthians 13: 4-7

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

I love decorating the dinner table and will certainly continue to do so. Yet I want my focus to be the love that is shared in my home that feeds the spirit and soul of those who come.

I want to a have a home that welcomes all who enter with God’s love and kindness, regardless of how it looks.

 

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Back to School

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Today was the first day of school for me, three of our grandchildren started kindergarten, and three other grandchildren had their first day in either 2nd or 4th grades.

It was a BIG day!

New beginnings are exciting and a bit scary at the same time. I have been praying for each of our grandchildren that their teachers would love them and see them as individuals.

As a teacher, I pray this for myself as well.

It is easy to notice the students that demand attention either positively or negatively. I have 30 students in my first period class and right now I am making a real effort just to learn all their names.

I started my teaching career in 1974, which I realized this week is 40 years ago! During that time I have taught in the public school, private school, Christian school, and I’ve home schooled.

Now, I have not taught continuously “lo these many years” – but I have taught over 25 years. I have learned some important lessons that help communication between parents and teachers during this time, some because of mistakes I made. I share these thoughts with the hope that each of us allows God’s grace to overshadow all we do as parents and teachers.

So – here goes:

* don’t believe everything your child says – check it out.

I had a parent come see me my second year of teaching and ask me if I had dressed up as a moose. No, I had not. In talking further, we realized that I had a dress with a white pinifore (this was 1975) and that the child was trying to tell her mother that I had dressed like Mother Goose – only the child said “moose”.

* if you have a concern, ask about it respectfully, don’t
accuse

I remember thinking “why didn’t the teacher let me know about this earlier” only to find out a note was sent home – but never given to me. Not the teacher’s fault.

* if you have a concern, write a note that says something like this – “I am concerned about Jimmy’s __________ (fear, negative attitude, apathy, lack of understanding of new material, etc) and I was wondering when I could meet to talk with you about it. Is there something I could be doing at home to address this concern?”

Showing up during class or calling during class is NOT a good idea. Teachers want and need to be teaching during class. Waiting around right after school unannounced may also be a problem because the teacher may have after school duty, a faculty meeting, or a sports event for their own child. A note expresses your willingness to respect the teacher’s schedule as well as let the teacher know you want to work together for the good of the child.

* Whenever something positive happens, especially after you have expressed concerns, share appreciation for what the teacher has done and is doing. It means so much and it also sets a good example for our children.

These verses are a good reminder for teachers, parents, and grandparents since we all share the responsibility of teaching our children.

Proverbs 15:2 (TLB)

2 A wise teacher makes learning a joy;

Proverbs 16:21 (TLB)

21 The wise man is known by his common sense, and a pleasant teacher is the best.

May God Bless this school year!