Category Archives: Parenting

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Driving me CRAZY!!

Never this sweet girl!

Never this sweet girl!

There are certain looks, or tones of voice, certain words or phrases that can drive us crazy. (whatever!)

I remember thinking if one more child walks in the door and the FIRST thing they say is “What’s for supper?” that I just might roast that child!!!

It’s those little irritants that can make a day so trying. Here are a few that come quickly to mind:

  •  I have just mopped the kitchen floor and they come in from soccer practice in their cleats.
  •  I have just finished getting everyone dressed, ready to go out the door and a HUGE stinky diaper is detected
  •  I have all the kids in their car seats and one has to go to the bathroom – RIGHT NOW
  •  We sorted the toys while the youngest is taking a nap. After that child wakes up – she dumps all the toys out.
  •  We are all dressed up for a family picture and the baby spits up on the ONLY blouse I can button right now.
  •  I have 4 suckers of different colors and they ALL want the green one.

You get the picture – these are all little things – but they can be so irritating.

I read recently about the process that a clam goes through in making a pearl.  A grain of sand  – or other irritant – gets in the shell. The clam forms a coating, layer after layer of smooth surface to cover that irritant. That becomes the pearl! It no longer irritates because it is smooth and round.

What a lovely picture.

Those very things our children do that drive us crazy can become the substance of something very beautiful. It is not the behavior that becomes beautiful, but my response to it. If I can be patient, loving, and full of grace in those trying situations – something of beauty is formed.

Jesus is teaching about the Kingdom Of Heaven in Matthew 13. He wants his disciples, and us, to understand that the Kingdom of Heaven is of great value because it is where the King – God – rules or has authority. Jesus says –

Matthew 13:45-46   AMP

45 Again the kingdom of heaven is like a man who is a dealer in search of fine and precious pearls,

46 Who, on finding a single pearl of great price, went and sold all he had and bought it.

Jesus wants us to value God’s authority in our lives more than anything else. He wants us to value His rule as we would a very expensive pearl. The Lord desires to use those things in our lives that we see as irritants to “polish” off our rough edges and make us “shiny” enough to reflect His glory.

I pray that we can see the things that rub us the wrong way as people or circumstances that God is using in our lives.

It’s ok to recognize that certain behaviors are driving us crazy – but let’s allow God to use those very things to make us more like Jesus.

 

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You Go First

Hawkins - 1st day of school - 2024

“I got to be the leader today, Nana. I was first in line.”

That was the highlight of two of our grandson’s week in school. They were so excited about being the leader and being the first in line in kindergarten. They told me this on the phone after I asked them, “How was school today?”

Now there is nothing wrong with being first. Someone has to be first. I found out soon after we started dating that Phil had a very different idea about being first in line – or being in front of ANYTHING.

I always like to sit in front. This is probably because I always sat near the front in school. My last name started with “B” – Barker – so when we were seated alphabetically, I was near the front. I was also placed near the front, sometimes SMACK up against the teacher’s desk because – can you believe it? – I TALKED TOO MUCH.

I know some of you are thinking – “she hasn’t changed in 53 years”. Others are thinking – “no wonder….”

Phil on the other hand had a last name that started with “W” – Woody – so he sat near the back. He liked sitting near the back and NEVER got in trouble for talking.

“Phillip is such a pleasure to have in class. He is a model student.” his report cards always said.

Gag….

So, we soon realized that we couldn’t sit together. I wanted to sit in the front – he wanted to sit in the back.

(Don’t worry – we have worked it out and we do sit together.)

Our culture celebrates being first. First place, first in line, first prize, first team all-stars, first edition, etc.

If someone cuts in front of us while driving and beats us to a light or an intersection, we fume about it and may even lay on the horn.

Recently Phil and I were driving somewhere and were running a tad late. I knew we would get there on time if we hurried. We were making good time until Phil slowed down and let someone pull out in front of us! Then, when a car next to us signaled that they wanted to move into our lane, he waved them in front of us!

I was irritated by each car that was ahead of us, seeing them as a obsticle to my progress. Truth be told, I was also irritated with Phil.

Phil saw these opportunities as a chance to be kind and thoughtful.

I started noticing his pattern while driving and I realized that he consistently lets people ahead of himself in line, lets others go first, and is not pushy nor aggressive. He just quietly waits his turn.

Jesus taught his disciples about being first

Mark 9:33-35 (NLT)

33 After they arrived at Capernaum and settled in a house, Jesus asked his disciples, “What were you discussing out on the road?” 34 But they didn’t answer, because they had been arguing about which of them was the greatest. 35 He sat down, called the twelve disciples over to him, and said, “Whoever wants to be first must take last place and be the servant of everyone else.”

What a great example to his disciples and to us.

Are we being that kind of example to our children and grandchildren? Do we let others go first? Do we make space for others in line or do we fuss and honk if others crowd in?

I need to be like Jesus and let others go first with the heart of a servant. Don’t you feel blessed when someone lets you pull into a line of cars?

Pass that kindness on to others.

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Home Making

Where is the food?

Where is the food?

My dear friend Carol’s mother-in-law recently passed away to her eternal home. She was a godly woman who poured out her life for her family. I read her obituary in the paper and I was so struck by the words that one of her sons wrote. (he is a writer and an editor at the Asheville Citizen-Times) I am quoting him, James Buchanan –

“A devoted homemaker known for her cooking and generous hospitality, she crafted a modest home into a focal point of happy memories that would be the envy of an opulent mansion, overseeing generations of gatherings of import for family and friends. These ranged from holiday celebrations, weddings, and funerals to more modest events such as the arrival of the season’s tomatoes from the garden the family tended for decades.”

How true this was! I benefitted from being a family friend who was graciously included in Brittie May Buchanan’s family celebrations from time to time. The food was delicious and there was always enough – even when growing teenagers were part of the mix. Brittie’s home was modest, but there was a wealth of love and genuine warmth that no decorating could compete with.

You always felt at home.

I was thinking about this Saturday as I was cleaning our home in preparation for a visit from some of Phil’s cousins. We have discussed the need to re-paint our den since it has several places where there are nicks in the paint and marks on the walls. Yet, there is not time to paint before the visit from these cousins.

Does it really matter?

No.

Now, I do need to clean and dust – we don’t want the attack dust bunnies to scare our guests away!  They are coming to see us – not our house. I need to be reminded of this occasionally because I am a visual person.

I would rather set the table with pretty napkins and matching place settings with a carefully arranged bouquet of flowers as a center piece than fix the food that will be served for the meal.

Oops.

They are coming to eat.

Do we spend hours on Pinterest looking for the perfect table setting before we are willing to have anyone over for a meal?

Brittie Buchanan cared about what really mattered – feeding people’s bodies and hearts. Pretty flowers don’t fill stomachs.

Her son went on to write:

“She was an unerringly kind woman who always put others before herself, their concerns before hers, a woman who practiced her Christianity with humility, foreign to the habits of looking down on others or speaking ill of anyone (including those who deserved it).”

Brittie Buchanan left a legacy of love. “She crafted a modest home into a focal point of  happy memories” – that is real love. Paul talks about what real love looks like in I Corinthians 13: 4-7

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

I love decorating the dinner table and will certainly continue to do so. Yet I want my focus to be the love that is shared in my home that feeds the spirit and soul of those who come.

I want to a have a home that welcomes all who enter with God’s love and kindness, regardless of how it looks.