Category Archives: Parenting

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Hanging In….

What is he eating?!

What is he eating?!

I was talking to one of our daughters on Saturday and I sensed a note of tiredness in her voice. I asked if she was feeling ok and she said she was … but there was not the tone of conviction I am used to hearing in her voice. My “mom’s antennae” went up. I asked a few annoying but probing questions and it finally came out. She was tired of correcting her children’s behavior.
“It’s just constant, Mom. I find myself saying the same things over and over. I get so tired of it”
Oh, how well I remember! It has been 30 years, yet I can still remember feeling exhausted – wondering if my repeated corrections and instructions were making any difference at all. It seemed at times that my words went in one little ear and out the other. It WAS tiring.
I had a friend named Marty who numbered her “lectures” – those words mothers repeat over and over.
• Number 1 – “pick up your toys, quit leaving them around to get stepped on and broken.”
• Number 2 – “hang up your wet towel after a bath so that it will dry and not leave wet, moldy stains on the floor.”
• Number 3 – “Talk nicely to your sister, someday she will be your best friend.”
“It’s so easy, Gayle. I just say “Number 1 – they know to start picking up their toys.” Marty assured me.
“What happens if you forget the number for a lecture?” I asked.
“Well,” Marty started laughing. “I have forgotten a few times and then my daughters give me a lecture about remembering the correct numbers to the lectures. It has helped them remember their responsibilities, if just to keep me on my toes.”
I couldn’t help laughing. This may work for Marty but it was not my style.
As parents we do repeat instructions and corrections over and over. We all learn through repetition, but it is especially true of young children. Some children need more repetition then others – they have a nature that tests the boundaries and their parents.
It is important not to give up or give in when we become tired of parenting. Training our children is our responsibility as parents whether we are tired or not. IT WILL PAY OFF!
I remember being so tired – wanting to just quit and let my children fuss or watch TV all afternoon. At these low times, God’s Word encouraged me with two important truths:
1. In my weakness – God is made strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-11 (NIV)
9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2. When I hang in – God is faithful. Galatians 6:9-10
9 Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. 10 Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.

So, hang in….keep on parenting!

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Learning to Walk

Number 4, off and away!Our youngest grandson has recently begun walking. It would have come as a surprise (he is just 10 months old) except for the fact that he has done everything sooner than his three older brothers. I’m sure that watching them has had an impact on his development.  But I , Nana, have another theory that is based on personal observation – NOT scientific research. He is a born leader.

I want to postulate that the rate at which a child begins certain developmental tasks is not based on birth order as much as personality. A first-born child that is a natural leader will tend to do things like walk, talk, and feed themselves at an earlier age. These children know what they want and they want to get moving! They want to feed themselves and are often heard saying  – “I can do it!” ( or “me do it!”) Yet, this child may be the middle child or even the youngest born. Their outgoing personality may result in them telling the older siblings what to do – and surprisingly – those older siblings do it! These assertive children may fall a lot, or make big messes eating – but they will get it done – by themselves.

The quiet, less outgoing child, whatever the birth order, will wait to try new skills until they are sure they can do it. They will walk later – but rarely fall. These children will let the parent feed them and only start doing it themselves when they are sure they won’t spill. They are careful learning new tasks and want help along the way. Once they master something, they do it well by themselves.

The insecure, tentative child is the one who needs consistent help and assurance that they can master a new skill. Even when they can walk – they want to be carried. They are able to feed themselves, but they want to be fed. They seem to require constant attention to insure that they are able to do things.

As parents it is important to recognize the personality of our child and encourage them to grow and develop in positive ways. Each of these personality types have positive and negative qualities. As parents we can help our children develop the positive aspects and minimize the negative ones.

I am studying Scriptures on following Jesus. I believe that as God’s children we have various spiritual personalities just like our natural ones. God has created us this way. As we make the decision to follow Jesus, each of us follows Him using our individual personality.

This can be positive and negative. For example:

  • An outgoing, leader type personality may start to follow with sincere enthusiasm. They actively follow for a time and then run ahead – thinking they don’t have to wait – they know the path to follow.
  • The quieter, more careful personality might wait and study for a long time, not wanting to miss the path. That time spent studying is good. But while waiting, they lose sight of Jesus as He moves ahead.
  • The insecure personality wants to follow, but isn’t sure and second guesses themselves about when to move.  Do they have all they need  to follow? They want to follow but they aren’t sure how, they want someone to carry them.

This is why we must die to self to learn to walk with Jesus. God has created us with various personalities. He has a purpose for each of these qualities in our lives. Yet if our personalities prevent us from following Jesus, we must put those traits to death.

Jesus said:

Luke 9:23

Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.

The only way we can learn to walk like Jesus is to follow Him.

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Being an Example

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As an art teacher, I have found the most effective method of successfully teaching my students a new skill in artistic expression is demonstration!

Now I can just imagine many of you thinking – DUH! (If you have been around high school students recently you are thinking – HELLO!)

Obviously we learn best by seeing others do it the right way. We recently did a lesson on form (3-D objects) and learned to create origami forms. Many students had trouble reading the directions. They even had difficulty when I verbally told them what steps to take. Yet when they saw me or another student folding a paper crane – they were able to fold one themselves.

As parents we often want our children to obey our instructions. “Do what I say.” Are we leading by example? We want our children to tell the truth. Have they heard us lie on the phone? Do we say to our child, “Don’t tell your dad I bought you a donut today. I don’t want him know”. We are setting an example of hiding information. It may not seem important, but actions do speak louder than words – especially to little ears and eyes.

Romans 2: 21 (Amplified)

Well then, you who teach others, do you not teach yourself? While you teach against stealing, do you steal ?

That is very plain. We must follow the example we desire to set for your children.

When we do something that we realize is wrong – admit it to our children. I once told a friend of our son that I didn’t know where he was when I DID know. I wanted our son to come right home and thought if the friend called him, they would go somewhere else.

I became convicted of the error of that lie and later confessed and apologized to our son’s friend. I was wrong and I needed to admit it.

We will make mistakes as parents, but God is faithful to forgive. Our goal should be to lead by example.