Category Archives: Parenting

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Time

 

Our three daughters are very different in personality. They are close in age, so their uniqueness has been a blessing. As they have become mothers themselves, their various personalities are evident in their parenting styles. Each one also has their own approach to time management.

#1 –  One daughter likes to plan ahead and keep a schedule. She will help plan meals for holiday family gatherings and post the schedule of events on the refrigerator for everyone to see. This is very helpful, since with 9 children under 6 (soon to be 11) in our extended family, everyone knows ahead when the next meal is and what will be served. It also prevents unexpected missing ingredients or insufficient amounts of food – we know what to fix and what time to begin preparation. If a change is made in the plan – it may cause dissent – “I thought we were having chili for lunch?”

#2 – One daughter likes to plan as she goes. She wants to leave time and opportunity for changes in the schedule that might come up. She has a plan in mind, but it is not written down. If plans change at the last-minute, she goes with the flow and usually has enough food, etc. to make it work. Once in a while, someone is gone on a walk or starts a game when it appears to be time to eat, but she can quickly adjust as needed.

#3 – One daughter does not want to plan too far ahead, she may miss out on fun! She likes to do things on the spur of the moment which often works well. It can be problematic, though, if others don’t value spontaneity. She is gregarious and includes others in activities which may involve food preparation, playing games, or finding a nearby playground.

 Obviously, these approaches to the use of time are quite different. One way is not better or worse than the other, all have their good and not-so-good aspects. It always makes for interesting family times! As a mother, I learned early that each daughter worked best in her own style and I have seen this as they have become adults. I now appreciate the advantages of the various approaches to time depending on the situations.

As we begin a new year, we often reflect on time. Each of us is given 24 hours in each day, but we often feel we don’t have enough time. People often say, “If only I had more time, I would…”  The reality is that we all do the things that are most important to us.

Now, it is true that when you have small children, your time is not your own. There are often times when you don’t have time to do certain things. Yet most of us also use time in ways that are not “essential”. If you feel that you never finish what you need to, try method #1. Make a schedule, put down a time for each essential activity and stick to it. You will find that as you finish each task, your attention will not be on what is not finished, but what you were able to do.

If you want more flexibility in your schedule, decide like #3 to “go with the flow” for a day. You may be surprised by what happens!

Finally, you may feel that #2 is the best way for you to deal with time in your situation. This may change as circumstances change in our lives. The most important key to time management is held in the following verses –

James 4:13-15 (NIV)

13 Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.”                                                                                                                                                       14 Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.                                                                                                                                         15 Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.”

Notice it does not say to avoid making plans – it does say that God’s will MUST be the deciding factor. So, as we plan the time we have each day, let’s keep our focus this year on seeking God’s will first and foremost.

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Slow Down, Going Too Fast!

I was one of those children who constantly fell and skinned my knees. I would have scabs on top of scabs, and because I injured the same places, they took some time to heal. I still have scars on my knees as reminders of those many falls. As I got older, I became more coordinated, but I must admit that I have never been what one would call graceful. Yet the falls mainly occurred because I was going too fast. I moved ahead of the ability of my feet and legs to balance my body.

We have three grandsons who all began walking in the past few months. It has been fun to watch (one by video) each one navigate the world on two legs. They have teetered and fallen, gotten up and fallen again. But they haven’t given up! They are so proud of themselves when they reach the outstretched arms waiting for them! What if they had given up when they fell repeatedly? What if they had refused to try walking again because it hurt when they fell?

Our older grandchildren are 6, 4, 3 and 2 – 2’s. They all enjoy running outside, which greatly pleases me. Still I find myself reminding them to “be careful”, “slow down” and other warnings that come to mind. I don’t want them to get hurt, especially when running down hill and going too fast. Recently I watched as one started down the path to the barn at a run and no sooner had I said ” SLOW DOWN” then they fell and skinned their hands and knees. I wanted to prevent their painful fall, yet it would mean denying them access to much of the world around them

As parents we want to protect our children from harm, especially from things that hurt us when we were young. Yet, we are powerless to prevent all of the possible injuries that loom in our childrens’ futures. We can encourage them to slow down and be careful about choices they make. Helping our children learn to slow down may prevent impulsive decisions which often lead to regret. Helping our children learn this at a young age will serve them well throughout their lives.

James 1:19-21 (NIV)                                                                                                                                                                    19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. 21 Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.

As our children get older, going too fast can be a big concern if they….

  • drive too fast
  • behave sexually “too fast”
  • get angry too fast

The above verses encourage us to be “slow to speak”, and “slow to become angry.”  Wouldn’t our world be a better place if we ALL did that? Let’s decide to slow down and model behavior that honors our Heavenly Father and shows a positive example to our children.

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Celebrate!

Lights! Trees! Decorations!

Everywhere we look there are reminders of Christmas and it isn’t even December yet.

In the 1950’s my grandfather always dressed up as Santa Claus. I thought Santa was real until my brother told me to look at Santa’s shoes. Those were Grandpa’s shoes! I realized that it was really Grandpa dressed up as Santa and the bubble of fantasy was burst.

When our first child was little we tried to ignore Santa Claus. We wanted to make sure that he knew what Christmas was really about – the birth of Jesus. So, I didn’t tell him that Santa wasn’t real – I just didn’t mention Santa at all. I remember being in a store before Christmas and a sweet elderly lady asking our son if Santa was going to bring him toys at Christmas. He looked at her and answered “No”. She looked horrified! He didn’t know Santa – why should Santa bring him a present?

By the time we had three more children, I didn’t worry about Santa Claus or if people talked to our children about Santa. I realized that making a big deal about Santa Claus one way or another would take the focus off what was really important – celebrating the birth of Jesus, the “King of Kings.”  If our family celebrated Christmas as the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, then that would make an impression on our children that would minimize any other influence.

Notice I said CELEBRATE ! There is a common mistake that is often made when we want to avoid what we may think of as a negative influence. We prevent our children from participating in something we don’t want them doing – yet we don’t make the effort to really celebrate positive things that reflect our families’ values.

Create holiday traditions that your children look forward to that also reflect your families’ values and cultural heritage. We made an advent activity chain that allowed our children to remove a link each day in December. Each link had an activity like, “drive around and look at lights” (we would look for the Griswold’s), “make Christmas cookies”, “sing Christmas carols”, etc. Our children looked forward to making the links and then cutting one off each day. Advent activities build excitement and create togetherness around celebrating. The links don’t have to be costly activities but can be things like “read a Christmas story”. Your family traditions will be unique for your family – and that is what celebrating is all about!  Simple tasks done together create special celebrations!

Reading Luke 2:1-20 is an excellent way to keep the focus of Christmas on celebrating Jesus. These verses show that God planned a celebration for the birth of His Son – (Luke 2:13-15)

13Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, 14 “Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom His favor rests.”

15 When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.”

The angels and shepherds celebrated over 2000 years ago and we can join in that celebration now. Is there any event more worthy of celebration?