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Along for the Ride – The Emotional Roller Coaster

We know that as women we have hormonal changes that affect and often dictate our emotions. These are often chemical responses that we have no control over, yet we must still carry on with life. We cannot control the circumstances, but in many cases we can control our response to the circumstances. (I say in many cases because sometimes it is a chemical response that we cannot control. In those cases, medical intervention is necessary, and beneficial)

How can we help our children learn to have healthy emotional responses to others and the world around them? First we must acknowledge that emotions  are a God-given aspect of our nature as humans. Healthy children are born expressing emotions; crying when hurt, lonely, or afraid.  They also begin early smiling, laughing, and expressing excitement. Two of our grandsons LOVE to eat and it is fun to see their excitement when their mothers call them to the table. Their siblings better keep an eye on their food!

These expressions of emotion should be encouraged and affirmed when exhibited appropriately. They should be ignored or addressed firmly when used to manipulate or control. I remember the first time one of our children threw themselves down in Roses (pre-WalMart) and threw a fit in hopes of getting a certain toy. I had been taught to ignore the child when he/she throws a tantrum and I did just that. I calmly went down the next aisle and waited. It soon became quiet and I pushed the cart back to the previous aisle and saw our child lying there, waiting to see if anyone noticed. Since the “fit” did not result in extra attention , and certainly not the desired toy, I did not have to deal with that outburst again. A strong-willed child may try this several times, but by being consistent and firm your child will learn to control this negative behavior.

The Bible talks often about the “heart” which refers to the emotions. In Mark 12:30 Jesus says when asked what the greatest commandment is:

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.”

When we encourage our children to love God with their whole hearts, it puts their own emotions in check. When we love ourselves first, emotions control our actions. It is all about us! As children begin to place God’s will and purpose for them first, they are able to learn that feelings come and go, but God’s love for them remains forever.

As a teacher, I have gotten to know a great variety of students over the years.  The unhappiest young people I see are the ones who have gotten their own way most of their lives. Their parents have mistakenly given in to them and they are never satisfied. These young people are selfish, demanding, and emotional wrecks because they are treated the way they treat others.

The happiest students I see are the ones who put others first. This is without exception. These students are kind, generous, and respectful and they receive these qualities back in return. Gary Smalley teaches about “Emotional Bank Accounts.” He says that what we invest in is what we withdraw. It makes sense, doesn’t it? Luke 6:38 says this very thing.

“Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

Emotions are a part of who we are. They can be a blessing when we help our children learn to control their influence. This becomes more important the older our children become. So, now is a good time to begin encouraging positive emotional expressions and learning self-control of negative emotions. Then, hang on for an exciting ride!

Next week – the fourth aspect – Encouraging Spiritual Health.

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Physical Training

I remember looking at my father’s Biology textbook and being spellbound by the pictures of human anatomy.  The most amazing part was the way the transparencies would layer each other showing first the skeletal structure, then the muscles and ligaments, the circulatory system, the organs, and finally the skin covering the human form.  Each page was fascinating and complex, and when I finally was in 10th grade and learned about the systems of our bodies and the way each worked in support of each of the others, I developed a deep respect for the manner in which the human body was created. To think that we are the result of innumerable mutations is beyond rational thought  in my humble opinion!

Psalm 139:14 (NIV)
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
   your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Yes, our bodies are wonderfully made and I believe it is important to instill in our children an early respect and appreciation of our bodies as God created them to be. Physical activity brings such joy to children. We have three grandsons who are nearing their first birthday and as they pull up on everything in reach, it tickles me to watch them “dance” whenever they hear music. They bounce and sway to the music, and it comes naturally without any intentional instruction.

It is also fun to watch children when they are set free in a wide open space – they RUN! You open the car doors at a park and as soon as they get free of the confines of their seat belts they burst forth with physical activity. Healthy bodies were designed to move, and when we are able to use our bodies as God intended, it brings joy. Our brains release serotonin when we engage in physical activity and it works in children as well. Children need to play physically. They will eat better, sleep better, and get along with others better when they move muscles and expend energy. Think about the times weather prevents outside play (cabin fever) and the irritability that results in the parents as well as the children. Planning physical activity is just as important as planning meals and naps.

Some ways to work physical activity into busy schedules are:

  • take walks while supper is in the oven. The walk can be short, but it will exercise muscles and encourage appetites.
  • dance around to a favorite praise CD, even create your own exercise routine, jumping, hopping, arm circles, toe touches, etc.
  • make a obstacle course/fitness course in your yard. This can be very simple: a log to jump over, a landscape timber to balance along, a tree/bush, rock, to run around and back.
  • ride bikes/ tricycles  together.  This may not be possible depending on location, but bike riding and scooter riding certainly gets the heart rate up.
  • walk to places whenever possible. Again, this depends on your location, but it provides exercise while getting you to your destination.
  • include your child in your personal exercise routine at times. This is not always possible, but even if you must adapt your pace or length of workout to include your child, it will reap great rewards.
  • find a nearby park and meet friends/family there to play
  • some children are born with physical limitations. It is a special challenge for parents to work with these children within the limits of their physical abilities.

I Corinthians 9: 24-25

 24 Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.                              25 Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever.

These verses refer to the physical discipline that athletes need to succeed, just as we must discipline ourselves to follow Christ. All of us must find the physical activities that best meet our children’s unique situation. Making  physical activity an early and important part of our child’s life will bless them for them for the rest of their lives and celebrate the glory of God’s creation.

Next week the topic is Emotional Health of Young Children.

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First, Best Teacher

It’s back to school time for those 5 years old and older. Yet our role as our child’s teacher begins long before 5 years old and that role doesn’t come with summer breaks or holidays. It is seven days a week, 360 days a year. Yet, there are great and lasting benefits!

This may not be a job we planned on signing up for when we became parents, but each of us finds ourselves in this role none the less…teacher! Parents are the first teachers a child ever has. From the child’s very first cry and the mother’s and father’s first embrace, teaching is taking place. We show our child how to get our attention by responding to those cries and meeting the child’s needs. This is not a surprise, nor should it be. We expect to teach our children how to talk, walk, put their clothes on, eat with a spoon, etc. What we may not have realized is just how important that role , teacher, will continue to be as our child grows older. Even when our children attend school whether it is a public, private, Christian, or secular, our role as a parent remains of utmost importance. We must lay the groundwork now for being effective as teachers of our children’s moral and spiritual development, as well as their intellectual and physical growth.

In the early years the brain nearly triples in size and weight. Up until age two there is a huge buildup of neural connections. This is followed by a massive pruning. This brain reorganization is often characterised by the Terrible Twos. The erratic behavior of the child reflects the changes taking place in the brain. Pat Wolfe; Brain Matters

Current research in brain development validates what many of us already know – the toddler years are a challenging time. Yet it is also a time when the brain is solidifying connections that will greatly impact our child’s growth and development intellectually, physically,  emotionally, and spiritually.

I would like to address one of these four areas for each of the next four weeks. First – intellectual growth.

The brain responds to repetition. Current brain reasearch shows this – but any mother of a toddler knows that they love to hear the same story over and over again. They learn colors, numbers, names of things, and people by hearing them repeated over and over.

Learning is the act of making and strengthening connections between thousands of neurons (neural networks)

Memory is the ability to reconstruct or reactivate the previously made connections.      Pat Wolfe – Brain Matters

So, repetition is an essential part of teaching our child about the world around them. As a child begins to remember information, they are using words they have heard repeated over and over and those words contain meaning for them. The more those neurological connections are used, the more permanent they become.

Think about this – do you remember the nursery rhyme “Jack and Jill”? When was the last tine you practiced repeating it? It may have been years – yet those early neurological connections were made permanent by the repetition of that verse when you were young. This holds true for our children as well. It would bless our children if we are intentional and careful about what we allow them to see and hear over and over. Neurons are continuously “firing”.

Reading to children is the most important intellectual preparation parents can provide for children. Stories build vocabulary, make connections to the world around them, and provide sequential information, while providing pleasure, humor, and closeness as parents and children read together.

Psalm 139:14 (NIV)
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
   your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

The God who created our brains will also lead and guide us as parents to be the teachers He desires us to be.           What a privilege and blessing!

Next week we will look at teaching healthy physical development.