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Full Time Ministry

This past Saturday a memorial service was held in honor of the life of Karen Minor, the aunt of our son-in-law Matt. Our daughter shared with me that the sanctuary was filled to overflowing and that it was the most meaningful celebration of life she had ever witnessed. Karen was a wife and mother who put her ministry to her family first. The exceptional aspect is that she made everyone feel like family!

When our daughter moved out to the Seattle area, Karen and her husband took our daughter’s family in their home for three months while waiting for their household goods to arrive from Hawaii. Once, when my husband and I visited, we were included in a family gathering which involved folks from three continents. She loved cooking foods from various countries, but food from India was especially enjoyed since she grew up in India with her missionary parents and sisters.

Karen’s life impressed me because she elevated the calling of being a wife and mother by her love and devotion to her family. One had the sense that she felt her work was a high calling which she embraced with joy. One of her sons shared at the service how blessed each of the four children has been by having Karen as their mother. I was reminded of Proverbs 31: 28a “Her children arise and call her blessed.” Karen had been a nurse and with her husband had served in sort term missions, most recently in Haiti, yet our daughter shared with me that the part of her life most evident at the service was her love for God which she shared so freely with family and friends. Karen lived as one serving in full-time ministry to her family and all those around her.

As mothers of young children, you will be pulled in many directions. Sometimes the pull comes from within – “am I doing all I should to serve God?” Sometimes it may come from well-intentioned people you fellowship with who want you to “teach this class” or “sponsor the youth group”. These may all be important and valuable opportunities to serve, but are they more important then serving your husband and children?” You may be tempted to feel guilty about saying “no” yet you shouldn’t.  I am saying that your full time ministry as a wife and mother is just as meaningful and valuable to our Heavenly Father as being a children’s Bible club leader, teacher, or nurse in a  foreign country.  There may be times that you are called to lead a Bible study etc. but there are two questions you need to ask yourself first:

1) Am I where God wants me to be?

2) Am I doing what God wants me to do?

These are questions we each must ask from time to time. Sometimes the answers are very obvious. If I am married and have children, I must be a wife and mother. If those conditions no longer apply, then I must ask God what His will for me is currently.

Matthew 25:21 says

“His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’

God is calling each of us to faithfulness. In this verse Jesus is teaching His followers that we are to be faithful with what the Master (God) gives us. As mothers of young children – you have a high calling and a full time ministry!

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Expectations

Gayle with family in 1972

” I could never live up to her expectations.” How often have you heard this tragic statement in regard to someone talking about a parent? Sometimes a father, sometimes a mother, but equally heart-rending. Living with the feeling that you did not measure up is sometimes debilitating, but always hurtful. The offending parent may have never verbalized their attitude towards the child, but in this case actions do speak louder than words. Looks of disdain, ignoring a child’s presence or needs,  just being too busy to listen all communicate lack of regard for a child.

Making fun of a child who makes a mistake, whether physical or verbal, is so hurtful. This can not only make a child feel inadequate, but can make a child feel like not trying something  new for fear of failure. Parents must guard their speech to prevent hurtful words from wounding their child. Words spoken in frustration and impatience are especially scaring. One of the most harmful responses to a child is comparing that child to someone else in a negative way. “Why can’t you be like so and so…..?” “Why can’t you be more like your brother?”

I have an older brother who was a high achiever in everything he did. He made excellent grades, was a good athlete, played the trombone, and NEVER got in trouble. My parents made it a point to not compare myself or my younger brother to our older sibling. They expressed pleasure in my feeble athletic pursuits, praised me for the grades I earned, and more importantly, supported my unique pursuits in artistic expression and theatre, things my brothers did not do. There was not a sense of competition in our home – but a realistic expectation that each of us would do our personal best. We are all different, and encouraging those differences is important. We tried to do the same with our four children, celebrating their differences and unique qualities. I can’t say that there was never competition between them, but it was self-inflicted, not from their father or me. The following Scripture is very meaningful to me –

Psalm 62:5   “My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from Him. ”

It is natural for parents to have expectations for their children. We must make certain that our children know we love and accept them unconditionally. They must know that our love is not based on whether or not they meet our expectations.  The second part of that verse holds the key – “my expectation is from Him”. We must allow God to form our children according to HIS good pleasure, not ours. I particularly like the verse  Ephesians 3:20 in the Amplified version.

“Now to Him Who, by (in consequence of) the [action of His] power that is at work within us, is able to [carry out His purpose and] do superabundantly, far over and above all that we [dare] ask or think [infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, hopes, or dreams]–“

Now I can think of some pretty wonderful things to have happen for my children and grandchildren. Yet this verse states the fact that what God has planned for them is better then anything I can even think or dream!

So – the challenge for us as parents and grandparents is to let our expectations come from God.

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A Spiritual Greenhouse

Our homes can be spiritual greenhouses where tender souls are fed and nourished until they are ready to be transplanted out in our world. The soul is the aspect of our being that God created to desire Him. Since the Garden of  Eden God has sought relationship with the humans He created, and throughout history, we have blown it! We have thought it was about setting up rules and rituals to follow, but it is really about relationship with God through His son Jesus.

As we seek to guide our children toward a meaningful relationship with their Heavenly Father, we can learn so much from the way we grow tender seedlings. In a greenhouse, seeds are planted in soil that has the correct nutrients for that plant. The soil also serves as support for the emerging seedling. In our homes, the soil is like the unconditional love we must show toward one another. Our children must sense a constant acceptance of who they are  that allows them to grow in acceptance of who God made them. This is not a denial of sinful behavior, but a realization that God loves us “while we are yet sinners”.

As seedlings begin to sprout and grow, they must have water to sustain growth. As our children are raised in an atmosphere of unconditional love, they need the water of God’s Word to nourish and establish them in spiritual truth.

Psalm 119:11 (NIV)
11 I have hidden your word in my heart
   that I might not sin against you.

Then seedlings must have sunshine to grow in a healthy fashion. Seedlings without sunshine are pale, leggy, and have few leaves. They are weak and the stems cannot support the little plant as it grows. The sun is Jesus, God’s son the light of the world. As our children grow it is important to encourage them to develop their own relationship to God through Jesus. They will not become strong spiritually on love (soil) and God’s Word (water) alone. They must have the light of Jesus shining in their lives to strengthen and establish them.

Often gardeners will prune young plants to make sure that the plant grows straight and doesn’t branch off in too many directions creating a weak stem or trunk. Then, after the plant has a strong stem, pruning encourages healthy branching out and more prolific blooming. Pruning spiritually is discipline, cutting out the things that hinder spiritual growth. In young children this can be monitoring what they read, what they see in the media, and the kind of toys they play with. Removing harmful influences is like weeding and being sure that the tender plant isn’t choked out.

Finally, the home should be like a greenhouse protecting the little plants from harsh elements and extreme temperatures. Our homes can be a haven of protection from the harsh influences of our culture. It should be a safe place for our children and their friends. Establishing a time for family devotions where children are free to ask questions and encouraged to share hurts and concerns will create a safe, loving, and nurturing environment that will allow our children to grow spiritually and bare fruit that remains.

Mark 12:30-31 (NIV)

“30 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.    31 The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”

Jesus said these words and emphasized that was no greater commandment then these. The past four weeks we have taken a brief look at the four aspects of our beings, the heart (emotions), soul (spiritual), mind (intellect), and strength (physical).  As parents we sometimes focus on one or two of these areas, or we may switch focus from time to time.  God has created us with all these aspects and Jesus states that we are to love God with our whole beings.

The challenge before us is to balance the training of our children, which will only occur by His grace.

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