Tag Archives: Christian marriage

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Day by Day

Today Phil and I are celebrating our 48th wedding anniversary.

My overwhelming sense is thankfulness –

  • first to God for bringing us together (it is truly a God ordained match)
  • to our families for supporting us throughout our marriage
  • for our Christian friends who have set an example in their own marriages
  • and…held us accountable

It is a choice day by day to maintain a loving, supportive relationship in marriage. The vows we pledged on that cold wintery day, November 29th,1975 in Wheaton, Illinois were just empty words if we did not make the choice each day to live them out.

I was talking with a dear family friend on Thanksgiving who has been free from alcohol addiction for many years now. I asked him if it was still hard at times. He said “Gayle, I make the choice every day not to drink. Once I make that choice it is easy.”

I realized that is exactly what commitment in marriage should look like. Every day I make the choice to

  • love
  • honor
  • respect
  • forgive
  • be faithful to
  • and ENJOY my spouse.

In Ephesians 5: 31-32 Paul quotes from Genesis – the beginning of the Bible

31 As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” 32 This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. 33 So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

It is still a mystery to me after 48 years how God unites us into one. Anyone who knows Phil and I know how opposite we are in so many ways. Yet we are united in our desire to love one another and serve our Savior – Jesus Christ. That has been the day by day commitment that has held us together these many years.

Phil has been a wonderful, supportive husband and an outstanding father to Benjamin, Hannah, Salem, and Abigail. Our children are – and have been – a great source of joy in our lives. Now we are grandparents. How we love those grandchildren! Our family is far from perfect, we have disagreements, we argue, we see things differently. Yet we share a love for each other in spite of our shortcomings. I am so thankful for that.

Thank you, Phil, for your deep love and support low these 48 years! I am so blessed to be married to you.

May God bless us with many more years together. I love you.

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Contrast

Phil and Gayle 1975

“How did you and Phil ever get together?”

We just celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary, and the answer is still the same –

God

We could be the poster couple for “opposites attract.” Just ask any of our friends, or our children for that matter. Phil and I are very different. That has created definite excitement in our marriage. May I use excitement to describe these extremes?

  • I think money is to use – he thinks money is to save
  • I think decorating means arranging items by color and visual harmony – he thinks it means putting items wherever they fit
  • I think it is relaxing to have friends over for food and fellowship – he thinks relaxing is being quiet by yourself
  • I think it is fun to be in big crowds and be a part of what is going on – he dislikes big crowds (unless it is a major league baseball game)
  • I like to sit near the front at church gatherings, concerts or performances – he likes to sit in the back

These are just a few examples of the contrast between Phil and myself.

Contrast as a principle of design is defined as “the juxtaposition of different elements of design in order to highlight their differences and create visual interest.” Differences create visual interest because things don’t all look just the same. Contrast creates excitement in art work. Light and dark elements of a painting create drama, just as neutral values that are all the same seem dull or uninteresting.

Contrast can also easily become conflict.

Jay Fesperman, a very wise and Godly man shared at a marriage retreat – “If both people in a marriage always agree, one is unnecessary”.

We do NOT have that problem! We often don’t agree. Yet how do we prevent the contrast of our relationship from plummeting into the depths of hurtful conflict?

What has allowed us to stay together and resolve our contrasting viewpoints low these 40 years?

Godly advice.

Ephesians 5:31 Amplified Version

“31 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall be joined [and be faithfully devoted] to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 32 This mystery [of two becoming one] is great; but I am speaking with reference to [the relationship of] Christ and the church. 33 However, each man among you [without exception] is to love his wife as his very own self [with behavior worthy of respect and esteem, always seeking the best for her with an attitude of loving kindness], and the wife [must see to it] that she respects and delights in her husband [that she notices him and prefers him and treats him with loving concern, treasuring him, honoring him, and holding him dear].

This says it all.

Phil and I do not live up to this standard – yet this is what we come back to when the contrast in our relationship threatens to tear us apart.

We do share several things in common –

  • God is first in each of our lives
  • We are both deeply committed to our family
  • We walk in forgiveness toward each other – yes – this is a choice
  • We respect each other, we don’t always agree, but sometimes we agree to disagree

I am humbly thankful for our marriage, because as imperfect as it is, we are committed to walking out the next 40 years together – with God’s help.

God had a plan when He brought us together.

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2015