Category Archives: Grandparenting

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All Alone

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A loud cry of distress came from the bedroom where our daughter had just put her twin sons, aged three, to bed. They were staying with us for the weekend and the boys were pretty worn out from playing outside.

She opened the door, quietly entered the bedroom and realized that, in spite of some significantly loud crying, one twin was already asleep.

“What is wrong?” she asked between his sobs.

“I’m all alone!” he wailed.

“No, you are not. Amos is right here in bed with you,” his mom replied.

“He’s all alone, too!” came the answer.

Needless to say, we laughed about this situation and the irony of the little guy feeling alone with his brother next to him in the same bed.

Yet aren’t we guilty of the same response at times? We may be facing a difficult time in our marriage, with our children, or in the congregation where we fellowship. People are all around us, even in the same room, yet we feel all alone.

Mothers of new babies often feel this sense of isolation. This can be especially true if the new mom is staying home with the baby after having a job where there was social interaction on a daily basis.

I remember moving to Kentucky so that Phil could start seminary when our first child was just 3 months old. I was alone in a new community where I didn’t know anyone – with a baby who didn’t communicate verbally. Three months earlier I had been teaching kindergarten with 23 students who loved me and often told me so.

Now I was all alone

…with a baby.

I remember thinking about the best time to go to the laundrymat. When would I have the greatest chance to meet other moms of young children?

I was so lonely.

I wasn’t alone, though. My Heavenly Father was with me. I was so focused on my feelings of isolation that I did not recognize His presence. Just as Tyler did not feel the comfort of his brother’s presence, I did not sense that God was right with me in that new location.

Psalm 16:10-11 (NIV)

10 because you will not abandon me to the realm of the dead,
nor will you let your faithful one see decay.
11 You make known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

God’s promise to us in Psalm 16 is that God will not abandon us – leave us alone. Verse 11 assures us that in God’s presense is FULLNESS of JOY!

When I feel alone, isolated, or think that I am “the only one who….” I must recognize that God is with me – I am NOT alone.

Our challenge as daughters of our Heavenly Father is to recognize God’s presence even when we don’t feel it. When we open ourselves to sensing that God is with us every moment of every day – that will become our reality.

God has not moved.

He is still on the throne.

He will never leave us all alone.

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Four Generations

4 genHappy Mother’s Day to each and every one of you mothers!

For some us of motherhood was a choice, for others an unexpected surprise, for others a long awaited event that we thought might never come.

Yet we all share much in common. The anticipation of birth, feeling anxious about taking care of a newborn, selcting a name, and watching in wonder as the little life before us begins to respond to us as “mother”.

God placed us in families for a reason. He wanted us to learn about His character through the lives of others.

We are, after all, created in God’s image.

The qualities that mirror God’s image are qualities for mothers to emulate – such as –

* unconditional love
* protective love
* undying love
* disciplinary love, and
* forgiving love

In II Timothy 1:2-5 Paul is writng to his spiritual son Timothy –

2 To Timothy, my dear son:
Grace, mercy and peace from God the Father and Christ Jesus our Lord.
3 I thank God, whom I serve, as my ancestors did, with a clear conscience, as night and day I constantly remember you in my prayers. 4 Recalling your tears, I long to see you, so that I may be filled with joy. 5 I am reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also.

Paul acknowledges the important role that Timothy’s grandmother and mother played in his spiritual development. Paul does not mention a father or grandfather but specifically mentions Lois and Eunice by name.

What a legacy these women had in the formation of the early church as they demonstrated God’s character to Timothy – a minister of the gospel, leader in the early church, and assistant to Paul.

As mothers and grandmothers we have a wonderful opportunity to share God’s love with our children and grandchildren. We must demonstrate God’s love in such a way that they desire to follow God because they see His reflection in us.

I have been blessed to have had a mother and two grandmothers who did just that – they:
* loved me unconditionally
* protected me from negative influences
* loved me until they died
* disciplined me in love
* forgave me when I failed them

That is the legacy I want to leave with the next generation!

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Always Busy

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“When we go to Nana and Pop’s – Pop will take us to the barn, Pop will give us a ride in the cart, we will play with Pop in the tree house… and Nana – well Nana is always busy.”

Our daughter was describing her son’s excitement about the planned visit to our home. She was telling me about all the things her boys planned to do with Pop. Her words were not intended to hurt me…

but they did.

“Nana is always busy.”

Our grandson is right. When our grandchildren come, I am always so excited to see them. I hug them, give a few words of greeting, and then I often head for the kitchen to either start or put the finishing touches on the next meal.

Someone has to do it….right?

Yet in thinking about our grandson’s assessment of Nana’s involvement in his life, I realized that I am always busy. I am an active person. When we don’t have company I am generally working on an art project (or several) or sewing something by hand. I love to make things by hand! When I watch a movie or TV I am usually making something as I watch. I do handwork in the car when traveling.

I also enjoy working in our yard pulling weeds, trimming plants, deadheading blooms, or just generally maintaining our flower beds.

It occured to me that my “busyness” was more of a habit than a necessity.

Yes, meals must be made and bathrooms cleaned, but I don’t need to do other things when our children and grandchildren come to visit. I need to focus more on THEM.

Our grandchildren LOVE playing with Pop because he gives them his undivided attention – well mostly.
(he has been known to fix something or other at the barn when he takes them down there or pull a weed or two from the garden) Pop does most of what they ask so they enjoy being with him and it is certainly mutual.

It is not an issue of competiton for the attention of our grandchildren. We currently have 11 grandchildren so there are plenty of opportunities to spread the love around. I enjoy the fact that these grandchildren love being with their “Pop”. The issue is that I was hurt by the honest assessment of our grandson because it pointed out to me what I was missing.

Our grandchildren will remember playing with Pop….and they will remember Nana being busy.

Jesus addressed this issue of “busyness” with two sisters, Mary and Martha. In Luke 10:38-41 it says –

38 As Jesus and the disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem, they came to a certain village where a woman named Martha welcomed Him into her home. 39 Her sister, Mary, sat at the Lord’s feet, listening to what He taught. 40 But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. She came to Jesus and said, “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to You that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.”

41 But the Lord said to her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! 42 There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.”

The Amplified Bible says – “40 But Martha [overly occupied and too busy] was distracted with much serving”. Does that sound like me? YES!

Jesus says to Martha – there is only one thing worth being concerned about – Mary has discovered it. Mary was sitting at the feet of Jesus – spending time with Him.

Jesus indicates here that He is not all that impressed with our “busyness” – the stuff we are supposedly doing for Him. He wants us to fellowship with Him – to sit at His feet.

As God’s children we MUST choose that ONE THING – being with Jesus.

I am making a committment to be more intentional about the time I spend with our grandchildren. I want to focus on THEM – and not just be busy.

God wants relationship with me – He is not impressed with what I “do” for Him. He wants me to sit at His feet.

Our grandchildren want our time – more than a clean house, weeded flower beds or homemade cookies.

Well – maybe not the cookies……