Category Archives: Grandparenting

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Joy!

I was blessed to attend a women’s conference in Hickory this weekend with two of our daughters. The main speaker was very good, but the thing that blessed me the most was the fact that the ladies who coordinated this event did not feel the need to just  “bring in big names” as speakers. They had asked some local women to speak in the break-out sessions and they did a wonderful job sharing from God’s Word. One speaker, Carol, shared about “Consider it Pure Joy”  from James 1 and there were several things she said that really spoke to my heart.

Throughout my life, since the time I was a very small child, people have said that I have a lot of  “joy”.  That may be because I smile often – and that gives the impression that I have joy. Yet, truth be known, joy is much more than smiles or happy faces. Carol shared that joy is defined as the “prospect of possessing what you most desire.”  (Webster’s Dictionary) When I am planning to spend the weekend with our grandchildren, I am filled with joy!!! The prospect of their happy faces, hugs, and “I love, you, Nana” all fill my heart with joy  – which says that being with my grandchildren is something I desire.

I remember being THRILLED when we found out we were pregnant with our first child. Becoming a mother was something I greatly desired. Joy was the result. Yet, two and one-half years later, when I found out I was pregnant with #3, my first reaction was NOT joy.

  • my milk dried up and #2 was just 6 months old
  • our 1st two children were still in diapers
  • my body was spent
  • we lived in a two bedroom apartment, both tiny bedrooms

There was no joy –  because I did not desire another child at that time. The problem was NOT the pregnancy – the real problem was my desire. As I prayed and allowed God to adjust my desires , I began to anticipate the birth of our third child. It was not an overnight change, but gradually I realized that God’s timing is perfect –  irregardless of my desires. As I began to desire the birth of our precious 3rd child, my heart changed and joy was the result!

I still had to

  • stop breastfeeding
  • have 3 children in diapers at the same time
  • put 3 cribs in a small bedroom
  •  and feel tired.

My joy was restored by God’s grace. Those of you who know our 3rd child know what joy she brings to our family and all those who know her. God’s plans for us are so much greater than our plans!!

The challenge for all of us is to desire the right things. First and foremost – we should desire God.

Psalm 16:11 (NIV)

11 You make known to me the path of life;
   you will fill me with joy in your presence,
   with eternal pleasures at your right hand

This scripture shows that the Psalmist desired to know God’s path and the reward was fullness of joy!

If we do not feel joy, we must examine our hearts and ask what do we desire?  Fullness of joy is worth adjusting our desires!

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Story Time

Everyone loves a good story. Be honest now, remember the last time you were at a baby shower (yesterday for me) with a bunch of women –  many with a birthing story to tell. It is amazing! Anyone who has had a child has a story – some are funny, some painful, some are hard to believe, some can’t remember anything because they were drugged, and some are sadly tragic. Yet each story ends with a birth. My friend Carol, a long time labor and delivery nurse, says that the saddest births are those that end in a still- born delivery. Dear friends of ours lost a baby soon after she was born and I remember what a painful time that was.  After nine months of anticipation and planning all the hopes and dreams of sharing that new life die with the death of that baby.

Sharing these stories, good and bad, happy and sad keep alive the memories of these precious little lives however brief. Sharing the stories of those babies who did not live or had very short lives allows future children to acknowledge that their life is a gift – not a given.

Children love to hear stories about their birth and early years. The story gives each child a sense of belonging and family heritage that is important as they form their self image. This is important for adoptive children as well. The fact that they were chosen by the adoptive parents and the story of the effort that those parents made to include them in the family will help those adopted to feel every bit as loved and valued as biological children. The shower yesterday was for an adopted little girl. The testimony that her mother shared is a lovely story of God’s grace and faithfulness in the adoptive family’s life as well as in the life of that precious little girl whose birth mother chose life.

This is a time of the year when many of us celebrate the sanctity of human life. As we do so, we remember that each life is ordained by God and so precious in His sight. The following verses were written by the Psalmist before there were x-rays, ultrasounds, or CAT scans. Yet they acknowledge what we now can see through scientific techonology – what grows inside the womb is fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God.

Psalm 139:13-16

13 For you created my inmost being; 
   you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; 
   your works are wonderful, 
   I know that full well. 
15 My frame was not hidden from you 
   when I was made in the secret place, 
   when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. 
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body; 
   all the days ordained for me were written in your book 
   before one of them came to be.

This is a story we must tell our children and grandchildren. Each of them is made in the image of God and as their lives unfold, the story of their lives has been written in God’s book – planned by the God of the universe.

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Distractions

Okay – truth be known – I am easily distracted. (hold the “amens”, girls!) One of our daughters used to call out “Gayle” loudly when “Mom” failed to get a response after three or four tries. That did get my attention! I’ve always said my mind is on higher things – although that may not always be the case. I also have claimed I have an active mind. I am visually oriented, which has served me well as an artist, but occasionally leads to swerving off the road while spying particularly deep blue hydrangeas in someones yard, or noticing a combination of fall foliage that is striking. This is not due to advanced age – I attribute our youngest daughter’s unusually accurate sense of direction to the fact that she started at an early age giving me directions while driving since she realized I had missed a turn or was heading the wrong way.

Yet, I can focus when I choose to. As an act of my will I intentionally pay attention to road signs to get to my intended destination – beautiful flowers along the roadside flitting by unnoticed or not. There will always be things that distract me, but I can choose to focus my attention on what is most important.

I have visited playgrounds literally all across the country with our grandchildren. Our daughters all know where parks with playgrounds are located and we have packed picnics and enjoyed playing with our grandchildren as they show us their ability to navigate the jungle gym or slide down the big slide. I love to see children playing outside – running, swinging, jumping, sliding, climbing, yes, and sometimes falling. The joyful abandonment they feel playing in the outdoors is a blessing to watch.

I have noticed something that saddens me, though. As we are playing with the grandkids, I notice that many parents are sitting on the perimeter of the play area engrossed in their electronic media.  Moms and dads are texting, checking the internet, even playing games on their smart phone while their children are unnoticed and sometimes unsupervised. They are not “playing together” – parents and children are isolated from each other by the distraction of their phones, etc.

I have had little boys and girls come up to me while playing with my grandchildren and ask me – a total stranger – “Watch me slide down – I can do it!” or “Will you push me next?” “Look – I can climb up all by myself!” These children see me bragging on my grandchildren, catching them, pushing them on swings, playing with them, and they want that same attention – but it is not available for them. I have a sense that sometimes the parents bring their children to the playground so the children will not distract the parent while the parent is using their electronic device.

Certainly their is a time and place to use I-Phones, Kindles, etc. Yet parents are missing out on a wonderful opportunity to play with their children at the playground. I will venture to say that there is opportunity to do both at a playground – play with your child and let the child play by herself or with other children. Yet I have watched parents look up in disgust when a child repeatedly calls for their attention – either looking like they are upset for being distracted from their I-Pad, or even saying – “Not now – can’t you see I’m busy?” It is important to be intentional about interacting with our children – that does not mean saying “Good Job” without looking up from Facebook!

It is likely that in most all these situations the parents are loving, caring individuals. They are just distracted. At that moment – something is more important to them than their children. What message is this sending to their child?

As a Christian, I can be easily distracted as well. Sometimes the very thing distracting me is a blessing, but it has moved into my field of vision in a way that blocks my focus on Jesus. I like they way the Amplified version of Paul’s letter to the Hebrews puts this –

Hebrews 12:1-2

 1THEREFORE THEN, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses [who have borne testimony to the Truth], let us strip off and throw aside every encumbrance (unnecessary weight) and that sin which so readily (deftly and cleverly) clings to and entangles us, and let us run with patient endurance and steady and active persistence                                                                                            the appointed course of the race that is set before us,

    2Looking away [from all that will distract] to Jesus, Who is the Leader and the Source of our faith [giving the first incentive for our belief] and is also its Finisher [bringing it to maturity and perfection]. He, for the joy [of obtaining the prize] that was set before Him, endured the cross, despising and ignoring the shame, and is now seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

    3Just think of Him Who endured from sinners such grievous opposition and bitter hostility against Himself [reckon up and consider it all in comparison with your trials], so that you may not grow weary or exhausted, losing heart and relaxing                                               and fainting in your minds.

Let us make an intentional effort on focus on what really matters as mothers and daughters of our heavenly Father.

God Bless You!