Tag Archives: Family

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Mothering Mistakes

This picture shows 4 generations – 3 mothers. How blessed we were to have my mother with us until she went on to her eternal rest in the presence of her Lord and savior – Jesus. She lived on this earth until she was 90 years old – her body was becoming weaker, but her mind and spirit were strong until the end. Mother had heart surgery to repair a leaking heart valve. She was told the risk involved in surgery for someone her age and her words still resound in my heart when I miss her – “Gayle. either way I win! I will have a repaired heart and more energy, or I will be in the presence of Jesus!”

She won. She is in the presence of Jesus.

My mother talked often about her hope – the knowledge that she would dwell in eternity in the presence of God. She viewed her present sufferings “in light of eternity”, one of her favorite phrases. Sometimes I resented her attitude – “but now, in the present, this suffering is REAL”. I even saw it at times as an escape from facing the very real suffering in the present. Yet as I get older I appreciate more each day my mother’s faith in her Heavenly Father. Eternity is more real as more and more of my dear family, friends, and brothers and sisters in the Lord pass on from this life.

When I was pregnant with my first child, I was thinking about how I would be as a mother. My mother was a wonderful mother. We always had a loving and respectful relationship, even in my teenage years. Yet I remember telling my mother “I think you are a great mother, but I won’t parent our child exactly like you did.” In her wisdom Mother replied –

“You are right, Gayle, you won’t make the same mistakes I made. You will make your own mistakes.”

What wisdom! I realize all these years later, with children 46, 45, 44, and 42 I certainly have made mistakes, and God’s grace has been there every step of the way.

In Ephesians 3:14-21 Paul is praying for the church at Ephesus.

14 For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15 from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

What a perfect prayer for mothers! Praying that God our Father would:

  • strengthen us through his Holy Spirit
  • dwell in our hearts through faith
  • cause us to become rooted and established in God’s love
  • empower us to grasp how wide, long, high, and deep God’s love is
  • quiet our hearts to KNOW that love
  • equip us to become filled with the measure of all God’s fullness

We have all made mistakes as mothers, and we will continue to make mistakes as long as we live in this fallen, broken world. Verse 20 gives me so much HOPE. God is able to to do “immeasurably more that we ask or imagine”. I can imagine wonderful things for my family, yet God’s plan is far beyond even my wildest dreams.

The final part of this prayer is the foundation of my hope – v. 21 – “to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout ALL Generations!” This promise is for me, my children, my grandchildren, my great-grandchildren, for ever and ever! AMEN!

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Thankful for Suffering?

Taking time to be thankful is an important task in maintaining spiritual health. I can choose to focus on all the terrible – even horrific situations in our world. Many of these situations I can do nothing about in my own strength. Yet praying about them, taking my concern to the God of the universe, shifts my focus to God’s ultimate plan of redeeming this broken, fallen world. Being thankful that God is with me in my times of suffering doesn’t take away the reality of that suffering, but it does give me HOPE!

Paul wrote from prison – Acts 16:22-25

22 A mob quickly formed against Paul and Silas, and the city officials ordered them stripped and beaten with wooden rods. 23 They were severely beaten, and then they were thrown into prison. The jailer was ordered to make sure they didn’t escape. 24 So the jailer put them into the inner dungeon and clamped their feet in the stocks.

25 Around midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the other prisoners were listening.

Paul’s response to his terrible suffering was prayer and singing hymns to God. I have never been beaten or thrown in prison, yet Christians in our current world are suffering that very way. In James 1: 2-4 James reminds us to view suffering as part of our life as followers of Jesus and something to be thankful for.

2 Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. 3 For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. 4 So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.

So much of what has been given to me I haven’t earned and, truth be told, I don’t deserve. I think this is especially important in the climate of our current culture. So much of the discourse is negative, divisive, polarizing and unkind. The focus often seems to be on “what is best for ME”.

So how do I respond this Thanksgiving when I am so blessed to be with our family and friends….yet so many are suffering in our world?

I must respond with Thanksgiving. In Paul’s letter to the Philippians he says – 4:6-7

6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

As I gather with family and friends this Thanksgiving I will be praying for those who are suffering. I will also be thankful and enjoy the blessings that God, by his grace, has given.

Happy Thanksgiving!

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Neglect

Fall is the time of the year when it becomes very apparent which parts of our yard I have neglected tending. I always post lovely pictures of the flowers and plants that grace our property and as I am writing this post I must ask myself – do I really want to show that ugly – but real – side of our yard?

The very issues that cause weeds to flourish in the garden are the same issues that cause me to neglect my spiritual life, my important relationships, my marriage. So, here they are:

  • time
  • responsibilities
  • tasks of every day living
  • desire, lack of motivation
  • distractions

Phil and I attended a Marriage Seminar this past weekend at the Inn of Last Resort in Franklin, North Carolina. We first attended this same seminar in 1977 when I was pregnant with our first child, Benjamin. There were different speakers, Jay and Sally Fesperman led that first Marriage and Parenting seminar. This is a link to what I wrote about that seminar in 2012. https://ourfathersdaughters.com/2012/09/17/open-honest-conflict/

This time, Larry and Susan Pons and Seth and Alicia Williams shared. We needed a “tune up” and I am thankful we attended. My main “take-away” this time was that I realized how easy it is to fall into DUTY the longer we are married and neglect INTIMACY which makes our marriages the way God intended them to be – TWO BECOME ONE. When Phil and I were first married it was a pleasure to fix a meal, set a lovely table with our new wedding gifts of Pfaltzgraff stoneware (still using them after 47 years) , placemats, matching napkins and pewter candlesticks. Truth be told, my table settings were MUCH more impressive than my first meals as a young wife. With friend’s guidance my cooking has improved over the years.

Now I only set a lovely table for family visits and dinners with friends. Phil and I often sit on the porch to eat, weather permitting, and serve ourselves from the stove and counter top. Fixing meals has become a duty for me instead of an expression of service and intimacy. Phil says he doesn’t mind and really could care less about how the table looks. Yet I know the lack of care that goes into meal preparation. He does care about how the food tastes!

I remember one of my parent’s friends saying that after 50 years of marriage all his wife “ever made now were reservations”. She had been an outstanding cook throughout their marriage. We all chuckled at his joke knowing how easy it is over time to slip into duty and lose the heartfelt intimacy of serving one another in love.

13 You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. 14 For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Galatians 5:13-14

Indulging the flesh can be as simple as playing a game on a device, mindlessly scrolling social media, switching on the TV just to fill time instead of being intentional and serving one another in love.

Just as fall becomes a season to tend the neglected parts of my yard, the Marriage Seminar has challenged me to recommit to intimacy in our marriage and not settle for duty.

Now where did I put those linen napkins……?