Tag Archives: weeding

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Neglect

Fall is the time of the year when it becomes very apparent which parts of our yard I have neglected tending. I always post lovely pictures of the flowers and plants that grace our property and as I am writing this post I must ask myself – do I really want to show that ugly – but real – side of our yard?

The very issues that cause weeds to flourish in the garden are the same issues that cause me to neglect my spiritual life, my important relationships, my marriage. So, here they are:

  • time
  • responsibilities
  • tasks of every day living
  • desire, lack of motivation
  • distractions

Phil and I attended a Marriage Seminar this past weekend at the Inn of Last Resort in Franklin, North Carolina. We first attended this same seminar in 1977 when I was pregnant with our first child, Benjamin. There were different speakers, Jay and Sally Fesperman led that first Marriage and Parenting seminar. This is a link to what I wrote about that seminar in 2012. https://ourfathersdaughters.com/2012/09/17/open-honest-conflict/

This time, Larry and Susan Pons and Seth and Alicia Williams shared. We needed a “tune up” and I am thankful we attended. My main “take-away” this time was that I realized how easy it is to fall into DUTY the longer we are married and neglect INTIMACY which makes our marriages the way God intended them to be – TWO BECOME ONE. When Phil and I were first married it was a pleasure to fix a meal, set a lovely table with our new wedding gifts of Pfaltzgraff stoneware (still using them after 47 years) , placemats, matching napkins and pewter candlesticks. Truth be told, my table settings were MUCH more impressive than my first meals as a young wife. With friend’s guidance my cooking has improved over the years.

Now I only set a lovely table for family visits and dinners with friends. Phil and I often sit on the porch to eat, weather permitting, and serve ourselves from the stove and counter top. Fixing meals has become a duty for me instead of an expression of service and intimacy. Phil says he doesn’t mind and really could care less about how the table looks. Yet I know the lack of care that goes into meal preparation. He does care about how the food tastes!

I remember one of my parent’s friends saying that after 50 years of marriage all his wife “ever made now were reservations”. She had been an outstanding cook throughout their marriage. We all chuckled at his joke knowing how easy it is over time to slip into duty and lose the heartfelt intimacy of serving one another in love.

13 You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. 14 For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Galatians 5:13-14

Indulging the flesh can be as simple as playing a game on a device, mindlessly scrolling social media, switching on the TV just to fill time instead of being intentional and serving one another in love.

Just as fall becomes a season to tend the neglected parts of my yard, the Marriage Seminar has challenged me to recommit to intimacy in our marriage and not settle for duty.

Now where did I put those linen napkins……?

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Weeds

Chores at Nana's

Chores at Nana’s

“Are you looking forward to summer?” a friend asked our middle daughter. She was 11 years old.

“No, my Dad makes me weed the garden,” she replied.

So, NOTHING about summer was appealing to this child. All she thought about was the fact that she would have to weed the garden.

Now I must put this in perspective. We did have a garden and we did expect each of our children to weed a part of it. But that was their chore BEFORE we went swimming at the community pool. It went like this:
Chores first
Swimming next
Baseball and softball in the evenings

My friend Elaine and I often snapped beans while watching our children swim and then we would can the beans when it was cool in the evening – after the ball games.

You can see that we did not violate child labor laws by making our children weed for long hours each day. Yet we felt it was important to involve our children in the chores of everyday life.

Proverbs tells us that “He who does not work, neither shall he eat.” We took that seriously.

I was weeding a flower bed on Saturday and found that in a matter of a few days, small vines had grown copiously and were starting to choke the tops of all the flocks that were getting ready to bloom. I had weeded there a week or so ago and thought that things were under control.

Now the WEEDS were in control!

I thought about how like sin weeds are. They start out little and before you know it, they have taken over. Sin starts to wrap around our thoughts and attitudes and soon, we can’t see the kind, thoughtful actions for the critical, negative ones. It’s insidious!

Yet just as I pulled the weeds out of my flower bed, Jesus wants to free us from sin and it’s entanglements. He wants us to be free to “bloom” and bear fruit like we were meant to. The Lord wants us to produce good fruit that remains in the lives of our children and grandchildren.

Jesus uses the example of his children being like seeds that are planted in a garden.

Luke 8:13-15 (NIV)

14 The seed that fell among thorns stands for those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by life’s worries, riches and pleasures, and they do not mature. 15 But the seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart, who hear the word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop.

Just as in a physical garden, weeds or thorns can ruin a crop. Yet if the garden is weeded and the thorns don’t grow, the results are good crops!

May we be that good soil – free from sin so that God can produce all that is good and glorifying in our children and grandchildren.

By the way – I weeded along with our children. We get the best results when we set a good example!