Category Archives: Parenting

by

Labels

image

Few of us want labels to define us, unless of course the label is

  • genius
  • super star
  • prodigy
  • billionaire

Yet, even if we may like being thought of as extraordinary, there are times when it is very difficult to live up to the label. In recent years there have been several comedians who have ended their lives while still successful because the burden of being “funny” all the time. It took its toll.

Labels are often not of our choosing and even though there is an element of truth to the label, it does not reflect the whole picture. Our children or grandchildren may be singled out for testing to determine if they are eligible for certain services. These services are often very helpful and will give these children added support – they also come with a label.

Some parents hesitate to accept the services offered because they do not want a certain label to follow their child throughout their schooling – maybe even following them into adulthood.

My niece is one of those people. As a child Zoe was identified as ADHD – Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. She was never a behavior problem, in fact she was just the opposite, a quiet, kind, thoughtful child. She just had trouble focusing in class.

To her parents credit, they did their homework and found the best course of treatment for their daughter. They also did not leave it all to the medication. They helped Zoe follow through on assigned tasks and helped her develop coping strategies to avoid the common concerns of people with ADHD.

Her parents were her BEST advocates, making sure that she got the services she needed, but not letting ADHD define her or become an excuse for not reaching her full potential.

Zoe could have numerous labels:

  • Bachelor’s and Master’s degrees from DePaul University in Chicago
  • Journalism Major
  • employed as WEB Content administrator at DePaul University
  • beautiful young lady inside and out!
  • courageous person with ADHD

Zoe has not let ADHD define her nor limit her dreams. She recently posted the following on Facebook which took real courage. (click on zoe)

zoe

Zoe is an inspiration to others with ADHD, and also to parents and grandparents of children identified with labels.

When reading Zoe’s essay, I was reminded of these Bible verses that have been such an encouragement to me.

Psalm 139:13-15 (NIV)

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

No matter what labels may be attached to ourselves, our children, or our grandchildren, God knew us from the beginning and He says we are wonderfully made.

by

Testing

image

I spoke to the students of Smoky Mountain High School’s chapter of Fellowship of Christian Athletes last Friday. I was so blessed to see these young people and their willingness to get up early and come to school on Friday morning at 7:30 am!

They did not know I was going to talk to them about testing.

“How many of you have a test today?” I started by asking.

I went on to share the following message because I know God is dealing with me about this issue and I know some of you are facing life challenges as well.

Ok, to be honest, if we are alive, we are facing challenges, some good, some not so good, and some outright devastating.

What is the purpose of a test?

Good tests have a very important purpose – that is to show you as a student what you have learned – what you know – and what you still need to study or work on.

Tests are not effective when used as a “gotcha” strategy, to catch the students who did not read the assigned passage, or when used as a punishment. They are not effective when they are too easy and everyone gets an “A”, or when they are too hard and no one passes.

A test that covers what a class has recently learned gives both the students AND the teacher a good picture of what has already been learned and what still needs more instruction or practice.

I am participating in the Community Woman’s Bible study and we are studying I and II Thessalonians. When the following verses came up, I began thinking about testing from a teachers point of view, like I just mentioned.

1 Thessalonians 2:1-4 (NIV)

2 You know, brothers and sisters that our visit to you was not without results. 2 We had previously suffered and been treated outrageously in Philippi, as you know, but with the help of our God we dared to tell you his gospel in the face of strong opposition. 3 For the appeal we make does not spring from error or impure motives, nor are we trying to trick you. 4 On the contrary, we speak as those approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel. We are not trying to please people but God, who tests our hearts.

I asked myself – why does God test us? If He knows everything like the Bible says He does – He knows our very thoughts and the intents of our hearts –

He already knows what I know. God does not need to test me to see how I will do. I believe God tests us so that WE realize where we are in our journey with Him.

If we go through a hard time – do we whine and fuss and think God has turned His back on us? Do we give in to fear?

When we do, we fail the test. The failure shows us what we need to work on.

So do we give up when we fail a test?

NO!

We need to ask forgiveness and examine ourselves. I need to read God’s Word and see what He has to say about what I am facing. I need to get with my friends who are Christians and we need to pray for each other in this area.

James 1:2-4

2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

The test for me right now is trusting God to show me what He wants me to do with my time. I’ve retired from teaching – but there is no retirement from being a Christian. All of us have a purpose to fulfill in the Body of Christ.

So – we need to thank God for each test,  and just as James says, allow each trial to finish its work.

 

by

Proportion

100_0171” “You have blown this all out of proportion!”

How many times have you heard this, or said this yourself? We use it to refer to a situation where we feel someone is making too big a deal out of a situation.

This often occurs because a spouse, child, or in-law thinks something is more important than it is….

or to be fair – than WE think it is.

In art, proportion is defined as the relationship between objects with respect to size, number, etc. including the relation between parts of a whole.

Artists sense that things are in proportion by comparing the elements within the piece of art. We don’t just look at one flower in a still life and judge if it is in proportion. It must be looked at in comparison to the whole picture.

As parents we need to view the situations our family members face in proportion to the wellbeing of the whole family.

It may not be a big deal to me if my child’s soccer socks match his or her shorts, but it may mean THE SUCCESS OF THE WHOLE SEASON to my child. Refusing to wear other socks could also affect siblings getting to their game on time.

How do we help our child keep things in proportion?

  • be an example of proper proportion ourselves  – don’t blow up about every little thing, save the blow ups for BIG things 😉
  • uncombed hair is not the end of the world, unless it is picture day. Then that picture will be the one you laugh at together when they are seniors in high school!
  • if your child tends to be a drama queen, intervene BEFORE the drama starts. Example – “Dear, I told you yesterday that Nana was going to take you to see MINIONS today. She just called and she can’t come because Pop is sick. Let’s make a get well card for Pop.” This shifts the child’s perspective from himself to another person and hopefully avoids an outburst.
  • in life we will constantly face change, so helping our child see situations through others’ viewpoints is an important life lesson.

When we are on a mountain top, we see all the surrounding area and it puts things in proper proportion. We realize how small we are and we often see things we have never seen before, or we see them in a new way.

Just as we want to help our children to have a healthy outlook on their situations, God wants us, His children, to have the correct view of our lives. We need to see the situations we face in light of God’s desire to help us grow as Christians.

In The New Testament, James is writing to Christians and encouraging them to face difficult situations in life.

James 1:2-4 says –

Dear brothers, is your life full of difficulties and temptations? Then be happy, for when the way is rough your patience has a chance to grow. So let it grow, and don’t try to squirm out of your problems. For when your patience is finally in full bloom, then you will be ready for anything, strong in character, full and complete.

Finding joy in our trials will certainly help us keep things in proportion, won’t it?

May we learn to trust that God is at work in our lives through joys as well as trials and may we teach this trust to our children and grandchildren as well.